My addiction has never been drugs. Its never been alcohol. It has always been a longing for sex. Ever since i was about 15. It always starts when i am feeling inadequate or from a place of fear. It starts with porn. Then it turns to chatting with other women. Then it turns into a physical affair. I am usually able to clean my self up before it gets physical. Not this time. My wife said she wanted a divorce and instead of getting help and following my guard rails, i tore them down. I went on a 4 month stretch of just burning everything down. I hurt my wife. I hurt our daughter. I am tired of this. This time the cycle ends.
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Welcome to the forum @BrettJohnson92
Well done making a decision to change your life, if you use the search bar top right you’ll find other posts about Porn/Sex addiction.
Keep reading and posting!
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If anyone @Matt or @KevinesKay would be great guys to talk to, both went from struggling near ending marriages during addiction to fulfilling marriages and lives sober
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Welcome to Talking Sober Brett 
It sounds like you are seeing the fruits of this addiction. It is devastating. It is, like all addictions, a matter of life or death: do you give up everything that matters (your family, your health, your respectability, your safety, your life itself) so you can chase that fantasy? (which is never real, and you never get it) Or do you give up one thing - the addiction - so that you can have everything that matters? (and with effort, you do get that - it is not a fantasy)
I am a sex addict in recovery. I am grateful for every learning and every support I have received on the way.
I am a sex addict and my drug is lust. Lust is what my addict voice wants to live in: lust for a certain image, a certain lust experience, a certain fantasy; chasing an imaginary perfect high - it’s all fantasy, it’s all life-sucking, it’s all an illusion, it all sucks the energy out of me and makes me unhealthy and drained and discouraged and dead on the inside.
The cycle repeats, infinitely, and the only way out is to stop.
I find my recovery program helpful: Sexaholics Anonymous (www.SA.org). In that program, I am learning about the deeper causes of my acting out, the deeper causes of my addiction. It is inside me and I need to fix those causes before I can be free. I need to learn from people with more experience than me, and for me, I find that in my recovery group at SA. It is a lifelong process and you learn from leaning into the pain.
What do you want? What’s next for you? How can we help?
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Welcome to the forum. I know it sucks to be addicted bro but with time and effort you can bounce back. Stay here, get acclimated to things taking one day at a time and it will work out.
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