Porn, social media addictions

Advice & Questions
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Been using this app to track my sobriety from alcohol. 371 days sober. Have had a porn/sexual addiction since i was around 12-13. Had questions about sex with my parents. They bought me a box of condoms and a few porn magazines. Told me if i have any urges. Just keep them to myself and look at the magazines/computer. Just do it on your own time. Well i have been married for 10 years. Same situation. Kept it to myself. Talked on a social chat site. Didnt realize how badly it was affecting my family. Sneaking around. Hiding. Deleting the app at night. Never had a physical or emotional relationship with another person via the internet. Had urges. Kept to myself. Wife went through my phone. Multiple times. Deleted accounts. Started up again. Looking up women online. Porn online. Some porn i regret even knowing about. Or lookimg into.i have made promises to change. Will last about 15-20 days. And back at it again.

Looking for some advice on how to help overcome sexualizing people. Be able to have normal intereractions with my spouse. Be able to teach my kids the correct way to handle situations like this. Never really realized it was an issue or an addiction until i got sober from alcohol.

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I was told a similar thing at a young age… The Golden Rule: look but don’t touch, and so I did. But I had to sneak and be meticulous with going through my dads stash, the internet and so on. I too didn’t think I was doing anything wrong in a sense that I wasnt getting any girls pregnant, getting std’s or sex before marriage. I thought I was actually doing some good, but thag was an illusion.

Ultimagely, it also carried into my relationships and marriage, even when I thought those milestones would be a deterrent all their own for me to stop acting out in the ways that I would… but that wasnt the case, that wasnt enough. I enjoyed lust, fantasy and PMO and the various ways of acting out more than I did myself, my relationship, my morals and ethics… all of that went by the wayside.

I’m glad that you’re here and are seeking support on this matter. There are a couple different threads related to the subject. You can search pmo or porn and that should guide you to a few of them. Feel free to reach out whenever.

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Thabk you so much for the support. I was reading through alot of the same stories last night and really open my eyes on what was truly going on. I am working on myself and how to react with physical touch. Trying to pull myawlf away from sexualizing things is hard. Its only been a week. But im gonna push through it. Not only for myself. But to break this cycle

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Hey welcome and thanks for sharing.

This is an all too common topic. Which is a good thing, in that it means you are not alone.

I won’t say what your parents did was right or wrong, it may have been what they knew about it at the time and thought if the best way to handle it.

I wouldn’t do that to my son.
I would teach him the science of dopamine and what happens in the brain when we get aroused. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing right?

We have neural pathways. It’s comparable to long weeds of grass. The more we walk in a certain path the more and more easy and engrained in our mind it becomes. Be it sobriety or addiction. You are choosing sobriety. Thank yourself for that. Be kind to yourself. It will take time.

Think how many hours you spent in sexual fantasy and sexual related things. That’s dopamine firing in your brain. That excitement. It will take just as long if not a little longer to reset that damage done. For your brain to feel normal.

I’ve been on both sides. Trust me it’s hard work but it is possible and it feels so much better. We become wiser and smarter and learn tools and healthy coping mechanisms.

Things that work for me is coming on here. Reading stories about other people relapsing and the hate and shame they feel after.
Also journaling. And attending meetings.

Urges come and go. We don’t have to act on them, and when we don’t, we come away stronger.

Also prayer has helped me. Praying to a higher power. I’m not religious, but just a form of praying to a higher power to show me the way and guide me through the darkness.

Also the dangers of pornography ought to be taught more in schools. I grew up in the 90s and we had health class but it mainly focused on stds and unhealthy sex.
Why they don’t teach students the dangers of pornography and that it actually causes brain damage is beyond me. They need to teach it.

It’s so accessible everywhere now.

Keep waking day by day and soon you will start to feel better and better.

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Thsnk you so kuch for thr words. Gives me a better understanding on whete i stand. I know i have the abikity to overcome this. Been learning alot on communicating amd saying whats on my mind. Sharing my feelings and what i have been going through. It does seem harder the alcohol. If i can over come that. I know i can over come this. Definitely going to come to this more then hitting up social media.

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I too went through the phase of redownloading apps and sites, acting out, feeling the shame and deleting them, only to come back and repeat the same cycle over and over, so I know the feelings. It was bad… to the point when I’d choose to detach from those faux connections that I built with others, it felt like I was legitimately grieving a loss. Yet, I’d still hold onto all the pics/vids etc. acquired as gems I could refer back to and relive those moments and fantasies with those connections.

I’ve been social media free since midway through this recovery journey and that’s proven to help immensely. All I have now is whatsapp and this app. It has helped curb the lust and fantasy temptations. Being in SA and working the steps is giving me tools to utilize when those thoughts come up in public settings when tempted or when I happen to see an attractive women. It’s a process but all of it works toward the good. Just a few things for you to consider as you work on progress in this area.

Also, feel free to inbox me separately if you would like to discuss more privately.

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Hi Johnathan, nice to meet you. I am also recovering from an addiction to lust (I think of it as lust because it’s deeper than the specific behaviours - it’s a mindset; it’s a set of habits, and it’s a sense of who I choose to be, in the past and in the present).

Like you, I grew up with a relativistic attitude toward sexual expression (“as long as it’s just you masturbating, there’s no problem”). I took advantage of that and my behaviour continued to be a problem into my adulthood. It wasn’t until I started working a program of recovery (starting in a sec addiction recovery clinic, and continuing in Sexaholics Anonymous today) that I began to see a change.

There’s an active community of people here on Talking Sober who are recovering from sex / lust addiction. Welcome! :wave:

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There’s a thread you can comment on where a bunch of us post regularly:

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