What do you do when you’ve been avoiding all your triggers and keeping a good record for let’s say a month, but your dreams do everything they can to get you doing what you shouldn’t be as soon as you wake up? This happens to me whenever I’ve gone a few good weeks without porn. In my dreams I get Uber sexual and I wake up very frustrated, obviously. A lot of times I’ll beat it in that moment and get up and brush my teeth but it will bother me ALL DAY. No matter what. And the more I ignore it the more depressed and cranky I get until I do it. If I didn’t do it that day, the next night’s dream will be even raunchier.
I’ve been thinking about ways to beat this and I want to train my brain to expect longer and longer delays between “cheat days” (I’m shooting for once a month this year. ) And I’m wondering if having one day that I just go hog wild and blow off as much steam as possible would be better than just doing it once or twice on my cheat days for less shame, example: “I only did it once so I’m still in control/not as bad as etc”.
At least where numbers are concerned I’ll feel better because my calendar will say “1” day when I actually got off several times, which hopefully will keep the dreams off my back for longer. BUT am I just rationalizing a slutty cheat day for myself because anything other than that would be hard?
Or am I going at this the wrong way completely and I should try a cold turkey strategy instead?
What do you do when your body starts making decisions for you? XD
Sobriety from acting out sexually isn’t really conducive to allowing cheat days. While I understand the principle of using less is an improvement, it is not the best recipe for success as it is keeping the door open for using when life gets hard. We use porn to squash feelings we don’t want to feel and I could never get life to follow my schedule. I had to be willing to say goodbye to it and accept that I will be moving forward into a new chapter of my life.
Maybe consider reading Breaking the Cycle by George Collins. It really helped me in my battle with porn addiction.
I would not be offering this as advice to an addict. It’s like saying that drinking is a normal social convention, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
@Meagan_Crowley The dreams you’re getting are a direct result of the stimuli your brain has been fed. It does decrease with time though. I’ll second what @Mtrav0040 said. Cheat days are really just another name for relapse days.
What if I don’t know how to not relapse? Instead of a relapse day will it be more like a withdrawal week or what? Cuz I get extremely depressed and cranky without it but I know I need less of it so what do I do? Is there a point where I can get over the dreams and they’ll stop if I ignore them for long enough??
Yes please add me! So far I’ve been in no groups or programs and I’ve been dealing with this on my own for a long time I just got sick of being alone you know? I guess there’s a point when you got to admit you don’t know enough to solve the problem yourself haha
Admittedly, I have no experience with this addiction, so take this with a grain of salt:
Like most addictions, our DOC either stimulates or depresses certain hormones or binds with neurotransmitters in the brain and nerves. Sex is no different.
I would suggest getting on an exercise program. This will help with stress, nervous energy, boredom…and will generate endorphins which make us feel good. Maybe not the silver bullet fix, but it could help you manage better.
You’ve gotten some great advice here already. I’d back anything @anon62920945 or @Yoda-Stevie have to offer. Read the threads associated with PMO. There are a lot of them, but there’s a ton of advice in there that you can benefit from.
