Thank you. That’s a hard pill to swallow. Accepting I’ll never be who I was. Especially cause I want to be that person again. Now I’m officially scared. I keep crying. I put my 2 weeks in on a job I’ve been at for 18 years. Starting a new job soon as a salon receptionist. And 11 days sober. I wasn’t a daily drinker but a 2-3 times a week binge blackout nasty drunk. I was always high functioning. I have 2 elementary school kids and a supportive straight edge husband. I went six weeks before last year and got trashed at my cousin’s wedding almost broke my nose and have scars to prove it. I hate the cycle. I’ve had a lot of trauma and abandonment and never had a chance to reconcile. I just want to wake up have coffee and go to bed. I want to fast forward to the other side 
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Is it weird to say I am not sure what my personality is? I was a pretty happy kid, tho there were issues with a toxic mother, but puberty and worsening of things at home when I was a teenager co-incided with the start of drinking. Then there began a weird cycle of doing dumb things when drunk, getting teased for it which made me extra shy and uptight, so I would drink again next time. And so on. It is hard to tease out what is the ‘real’ me. Or maybe ‘me’ isn’t static, but fluid and changes with circumstances. And maybe that relates to the op too. Your self is fluid, you wouldn’t be exactly what u like in the past now anyway, so u need to explore this now self in new circumstances.
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