Principles before personalities

There is a lady who attending a meeting 2 weeks ago and seems nice enough. The next night she showed up to a women’s meeting pretty buzzed. She totally embarrassed me. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want her to feel ashamed and never come back. She seems to be doing better, although I don’t see her very much. I’m getting a little frustrated with her texts telling me to please call her to talk because she wants to help me. She thinks I am not attending meetings but the truth is that I have been going to different meetings to avoid her sometimes. Logically I know it’s wrong to do that but, I just don’t like her. I know the whole principles before personalities deal so I’m always polite but I am only human. We meet people all throughout life that rub us the wrong way, people we just don’t like. How can I get her to back off without being mean or chasing her away from meetings? She deserves help every bit as much as I do. I have no clue how to handle it.

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You have to put your program before anyone else! If you don’t need to see her then don’t! Principles before personalities doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone. It’s more about seeing what we share in common than differences. What can the collective group stand for ect… If she is blowing up your phone a simple text saying you have found a group that you really like and are attending it currently. She may have good intentions but just a little to strong on the effort. BUT it might be she’s struggling in her own life and wants to reach out to you? But don’t feel pushed into anything recovery or you may develop a resentment and we can’t afford those

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Good advice. Thank you. I definitely don’t want any nagging resentments and I don’t want to trick myself into staying away from meetings altogether. I appreciate your input. :slight_smile:

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Yep. She’s not your sponsor so you don’t owe her a response but it would be polite to let her know you’ve moved on.

The more I think about it you may be right. She may need help. I guess it just pissed me off a little bit that she came to a meeting drunk (she thinks ppl didn’t know) and doesn’t even have 2 weeks sober but, she’s trying to give me what she doesn’t have. I’m still new but, I have 63 days. I guess just thought …who the hell does she think she is trying to save me when she’s still drinking and I’ve been sober. Just a reminder that life still has these minor things it throws at us to show us that we are human and will still have to learn to deal with people and things in a healthy manner. I will just pray for her, keep my distance and try to remember that what she does is absolutely none of my business. Thanks again. Have a great day.

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I think sending her a text that you have found a meeting is a good thing to do. But remember if you like that meeting you shouldn’t have to avoid it because of one person. Remember we are all sick people looking for a solution. Tell her she needs to speak with her sponsor. It’s important that we all have a good connection with our sponsors. And if she isn’t in communication with her sponsor you can’t do to much. I wish you good luck with your sobriety as well as hers.

Good stuff from the other folks. I just tell ya what an old timer told me early on. “If you like everyone you come across in the rooms then you haven’t gone to enough meetings”. Meaning that you are not gonna like everyone. And that’s okay:)

It’ll work itself out. Talk about with someone in the rooms that you trust and I think you’ll be fine.

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You are very new into the steps.

If something feels uncomfortable, then stay away!
You are not ‘there’ yet, and that is OK.

This program is about you. Pray for her. Talk with another in the group you are comfortable with to let them know what is going on with her. Only if you are comfortable with doing so…

I pray that you are able to find other meeting times, or other groups without such distractions.

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