I feel really good right now. This could’ve turned into such an embarrassing and shameful topic but all of you are so supportive. Thank you for making me feel not alone and for making me feel proud to have shared what I did. Even tho the intent was to help others, it actually really helped me. I have been removed from that lifestyle for about 5 years and I felt a huge sense of relief. Idk how to describe it. Thank you everyone 
31 Likes
This makes my heart so full. Together we are stronger!!
5 Likes
Thank you for sharing your story!! 
3 Likes
Living life as it should be, not as others dictate.
4 Likes
Thanks Dana for sharing with us. You are a kind and generous soul 
4 Likes
Thank you for sharing your story Dana. You’re one amazingly strong woman. 
5 Likes
Thanks for sharing. This is actually made me rethink few things.
You are very brave and I’m amazed how you managed to get your life on tracks. You are truely strong and inspiring person! 
3 Likes
I would just like to add my thanks Dana. That was a brave share girl.
Thank you.
5 Likes
That was one of the bravest things I’ve ever read on here and I’ve been around for a while! Thank you so much for sharing and being so vulnerable with us. Are you in a 12 step program at all? Step 4 will prove to be a challenge but I believe could be a wonderful break through for you. Blessings to you.
6 Likes
Just got a chance to read this thread.
@Butterflymoonwoman, this share of yours is absolutely amazing. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I’m guilty of living the lie. I used prostitutes for a number of years. In fact, my porn and MB are simply building block behaviors that I use to springboard into my more destructive acting out behaviors. I felt justified. I was so caught into my own pain that I didn’t recognize the pain that I was causing. And I believed the lie that sex workers enjoy what they do.
I commit to reality at all costs knowing that is where I’ll find ultimate serenity.
I’m not the only one to have a false sense of reality. I heard other members of SAA share that they don’t owe amends to a prostitute because they paid her. They don’t understand that many prostitutes are forced into this, and many don’t see a dime of the money. It all goes straight to their pimps.
It took me a long time for me to recognize that sex doesn’t always feel good to everybody all the time. To many people, sex just doesn’t always feel good. In cases like above, it simply feels bad.
But I was caught up in my own frame of reference to recognize that. I’m guilty of placing magical qualities on women and feeling frustrated because my expectations of them having sex with me were not being fulfilled. I determined that it must have been because I was so unattractive and ugly. So I had to use a prostitute and buy sex. I felt I needed this, and this was the only way…
until I got arrested for solicitation in 2004. I picked up an undercover cop. And sitting in that jail cell made me think over some hard truths. As long I felt that I “needed” this, I was doomed to keep doing destructive things to go about getting what I felt I needed. But the fact was that my life would have been 100% better if I had never chases sex to begin with. And that’s the truth. That was the last year I acted out with prostitutes, strip joints, massage parlors, and escorts. It was then, that I started to embrace women more for who they are emotionally without expectations. They make more sense to me now. Yet, at times, I still entertain acting out in my mind. And I know if my porn use escalates, it’s only a time before I revert back to these old behaviors.
Dana, I’m so glad you’re alive and here among us. I’ve of so many bad endings to women in the sex industry, STDs, suicide, drug overdose, AIDS. A bigger part of me wants no part of it.
There’s a lot of pain in your story, and it’s obvious that your addictions help to numb that pain. We’re here to listen and help any way we can. If any more thoughts come to mind, you’re welcome to share them here. Meanwhile, here’s to the awesome journey that we have ahead of us.
Again, thank you…
21 Likes
A bit late but wow, this was heartbreaking to read as a women. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to get out of the trade but happy you are here today and able to fight on 
I admire your courage to share your story and hope it ignites some deep thoughts as to how we treat humans in general 
6 Likes
Wow, what a story. I needed a little time to process it, so I’m a little late with my reply.
Like, @KevinesKay, women who were sex workers were one group of my qualifiers for sex and Love addiction. One qualifier in particular was a young woman I had a relationship with for two years who had stage 2 ovarian cancer and supported herself this way. I have this white knight character defect where I try to save people to avoid dealing with my own shit.
As an addict, I tried to only see those who weren’t “managed” and liked their work. I was the one who tried to make conversation, thinking I was being respectful. I was only fooling myself because I disrespected those women as soon as I agreed to exchange sex for money, and no amount of politeness and chivalry afterwards could erase that.
I now see that a pimp isn’t just a person. It could be drugs. It could be chemo treatments. It could be PTSD or another condition from the years of trauma, which prevented them from holding down a traditional 9 to 5. Or all of the above. Some may have chosen to sell their bodies, but they made desperate choices… not much of a choice.
I followed my sponsor’s advice and wrote letters of amends to each of the sex workers I could remember, and then a group letter to the ones I couldn’t remember. I wrote over 200 letters, used almost a ream of paper and all my printer ink.
I realized not one of the 200+ I wrote letters to ever expressed this to be their dream job. 200+ whose destructive cycles I helped keep going. I minimized these women because I was one dimensional.
So thank you for your courage in sharing this, and thank you for reminding me just how cunning, baffling, and powerful my disease is. My heart aches for all you endured, but I also feel joy that you found your way out. You have such a strong, amazing spirit. You’re already doing great things here, so please keep coming back!
15 Likes
Thank you so much! I have done the steps years n years ago when I was attending meetings but havent done a set of steps in awhile. Alot has happened since then lol. I think if I started going to meetings again that would probably really help in my recovery
8 Likes
Wow thank you so much for sharing what you did. Sounds like you have done alot of work and made some huge realizations about things you have done. I think its wonderful that you wrote all those letters. I’ve often wondered about that for myself when working with my old clients, especially my regulars. They weren’t the only ones that weren’t well. I was and sometimes still am a sick person 
I feel like I played a roll in breaking up families. Sometimes I feel like I should’ve wrote a letter or made an amend to those I hurt. I’d have no way of contacting any of them now but I suppose I could write a letter like you did. I cant blame them for all the trouble that was caused. I also played a roll. Thank you for sharing this bcuz it has helped me to realize that maybe I have some work to do also when it comes to amends. I appreciate that 
5 Likes
Thank you so much! Leaving the trade was probably almost as difficult as quitting other things actually. I had to wean myself off of it lol I’m grateful to be here today and to be able to share my experience with others. I truly hope it helped
6 Likes
Thanks so much for your support I appreciate it!
4 Likes
Thank you so much! I’m grateful to be here and to be apart of this group! I’m glad my story was able to help you in some way that’s what I was hoping for
4 Likes
Wow, thank you for opening up and sharing what you did. I really appreciate it. I like to hear the other side of things too and from the man’s perspective. It sounds like you have done so much work on your recovery and made some huge realizations! I’m grateful to be here and to be able to share what I can. In giving back to others also helps me too! I have friends back home, some who have exited and some who unfortunately are still active in that lifestyle. It’s an extremely scary position to be in. But… I’m here and alive and I’m so grateful and blessed to have met you and everyone here. I truly am so very grateful again, thank you for sharing abit of your story and your experiences. Glad to be on this recovery journey with all of you
10 Likes
Awe thanks so much! I appreciate your words
4 Likes
You’re so welcome! And thank you for being so supportive I appreciate your kind words!
4 Likes