So, I was asked by a couple of individuals on this forum to talk about what life was like as a sex trade worker in order to provide some insight on what it was like. They wanted to hear about my side of things which in turn could potentially help them with their struggles. I will apologize now for the longer post lol this was the speech I gave at John school years back. My hope is that it will make people think twice before relapsing into old behaviours. Thank you for allowing me to share this. This really helps me also in allowing me to have a voice (which I felt I had lost long ago).
My name is Dana. I am an experiential woman of the sex trade. In the past, I would always introduce myself as Jody James when dealing with John’s, however today i really wanted to get the point across that i am a human being with feelings and a name. Here is my story:
I grew up in Winnipeg Manitoba. At the age of 15, I began to emotionally shut down. I was a lost child with a very poor sense of identity. At the time, I didnt realize that I was suffering from mental health issues and low self esteem. I craved a sense of belonging which I found through drugs. At 16, I began using heavily and involving myself with those much older than me. It was at this age where I first experienced being exploited by a man. It was an awful experience. I felt confused, ashamed, and powerless. I dont remember much of those early years as I began disassociating very early on. The emotional, physical, and mental pain, were too much. I do remember though how much I absolutely hated myself and what I did for men. I started using more often and got into harder drugs. This is when I began turning tricks for drugs. I was too involved in my addiction to just leave. Drugs had me. Something that had given me such a sense of relief, quickly caused me so much grief. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror knowing what I was doing. No amount of showers I could have would get the feeling of a strange man’s hands off of me. The water was never hot enough. I was hollow, an empty shell of a human being. To them, I only served one purpose. It didnt take long before I began to believe this myself. My innocence had been taken away already. The pain became so great that I began to self harm. These were things about my life that John’s never got to see. The stuff behind the scenes. The only way to numb out was to use drugs. Drugs were my escape at the time.
Many years went by. I bounced in and out of recovery. But as soon as I would relapse I would fall harder back into the trade. I was using harder drugs on a daily basis. I began turning tricks for money. I would work alone and was my own boss, which caused further problems as I had no one watching over me. All those John’s thought I was into it, but in reality I hated it! I never enjoyed it. I just got very good at faking it. I hated having them bargain with me over how much they thought I was worth 
Couldn’t they see i I was a human being? Deep down inside, I knew I was worth more than this, but the trade changed how I thought of myself. My worth was measured by how I looked, what I owned, and what I could offer in the bedroom. From this stemmed all sorts of problems, from a distorted sense of reality to chronic drug use and eating disorders.
The more dates I had, the more I began to be disgusted with myself and with the John’s I saw. Those thoughts were proven even more so when they’d come see me wearing their wedding bands or when taking me to their place where I’d see pictures of their beautiful children on the walls. What you do their wives would think if they knew I was in their bed? What would their children think knowing daddy was spending their grocery money on sex? I’d get to know my regulars. They’d tell me their problems. They expected more and wanted companionship. I’d pretend to care. In reality, all I saw was dollar signs. Some would try to “save” me from that lifestyle, but I didnt need to be saved. I needed the money. If only they knew that most of it went up my nose, into a pipe, or inside my veins. Most didnt realize that in order for me to “perform” and continue turning tricks, I needed to get high.
I feared for my life often, especially when getting into a new clients car for the first time. Sometimes I didnt know where I was going. I have been held hostage, been drugged, and raped the scene led me into having very abusive relationships and involvement with gangs which brought a whole new sense of fear into me. I suffered bruises and marks often which I’d have to attempt to hide. I was traumatized by rape and still experience flashbacks of bad dates.
Near the end, I felt lost, hopeless and trapped. My life was never supposed to turn out this way. All I wanted was for people to see me for who I was. The strong, compassionate, and sweet woman that I am. I wanted that sense of belonging. I wanted to be accepted and loved for who I was on the outside and not what I could offer. After numerous bad dates within those final 6 months of being in the trade, I had had enough. I sought out help. I slowly transitioned out and now live in Calgary Alberta. But I still experience flashbacks and body memories from my past which haunt me. I have a long road of recovery ahead. I am so grateful that I was able to escape. But not many woman do. There are too many that go missing or die becuz of that lifestyle. I came very close to both. I am grateful today to be alive and well. Even though I still struggle with my addiction, I have been out of the trade for about 5 years now. I guess what I want to say is that the individuals who “work” have a story. They most often are not doing it becuz they enjoy it. There are definitly underlying issues that brought them to that place.
I hope this brings to light an idea of what sex trade workers go through. Some have experienced much worse and others not so much. This is just my story and I appreciate everyone who took the time to read it 
my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry for what you’ve suffered. This is why I’m so ashamed of the addiction I’ve participated in, and why I advocate against pornography as a whole, not just the industry.
People deserve to be seen as individuals, not objects. Everyone deserves to have love and happiness. Drugs and sex will never be able to deliver that to anyone. Self expression won’t give anyone happiness either. It’s only through connection and giving selflessly of yourself to those who care that one can find purpose and worth.
I hope you’re healing and finding self-worth again, @Butterflymoonwoman!
Your candor is so appreciated, Dana. Thank you for sharing! Our secrets keep us sick and I applaud you being able to shine a light on your own. So glad you’ve found us.
Thank you Dana for sharing. I am grateful for your courage. I am grateful for your labour of caring, for yourself and for others, in writing your story. Thank you.
I used pornography for many years. I lived a double life, saying that I supported and respected women, but actively supporting an industry that is so tightly tied to exploitation of vulnerable young women. I am learning about this here and from my sex addiction recovery group.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I hope you find healing and peace in these new, sober years of your life 
Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing Dana. Your bravery is very inspiring. Many hugs being sent your way. 
I’m going to challenge this because I feel that you aren’t paying attention to your side of the street here.
Consider the man who chooses to engage in a very intimate act with someone he does not know, even while she is displaying signs that she is just in it for the money and numbing her senses to get there. Seems to me like there is a mental burden on both sides.
Edit: addicts as a whole are sick people, and all have strong personal issues.
Thank you for sharing this.
Not really the place for this discussion.
Please see points 1, 5, 10 and 11
Thanks you so much for sharing your story Dana. I absolutely applaud you for getting out of the trade, it is truly inspiring beyond anything I’ve read in a long long time.
Again thank you.
Sorry for getting thread blown out away from original message.
Give me a few minutes to clean up the thread before I reopen it to constructive conversation.
I’ve moved a number of posts, trying to strike a balance between preserving history and weeding out off-topic content. Please be sensitive to the original poster and her experience when posting.
Thank you, and I just want to apologize for how that all came about. My original post wasnt meant to create an argument or cause trouble… but only to just show and help others to realize what its like from the other side of prostitution. Thank you to everyone for your support
There is NOTHING that you have to apologize for, Dana. I am sorry that you had to experience that after opening your heart.
No need to apologize. You bravely and generously offered a beautiful contribution and taught and inspired many of us doing so. Thank you.
Dana there is nothing for you to apologise for. Thanks for putting that out there I’m just sorry that there were some responses such as that. Your a strong woman and this place is all the better for you being here. 
Absolutely no reason to apologize for anything. I respect you and your honesty and bravery so very much.
I would caution all of us to remember that we are all where we are at in our personal journeys. Sometimes what seems so obvious to us, is not available for someone else to understand yet. Respect, kindness and compassion for all of us helps lift us all. I am not saying we allow poor behavior, but perhaps we lead with compassion. Be kind, but take no shit.
Thanks so much for sharing Dana. You are a strong brave woman who sets a shining example for all of us trying to find our own ways towards recovery.
I should be the one to apologize. I pushed the argument. I’m passionate about this topic, because I hate to see people hurt and in pain. There’s no safe way to be in the sex industry.