Today i wake up feeling slighly more empowered!! I said no to numerous request and invites this weekend!!
Although my acquaintance knows im working on my sobriety, he has been pushing to have a visit. I have firmly kept my ground in the past 24 days and have told him i can not see him as he is a huge trigger for me.
We do not know eachother in a sober environment…
He claims to support my sobriety yet he cant see the fault in me being far from home for long periods of time.
When ive agreed to have a visit i put a time period on it and suddenly he is wanting more. Instead of 2 hours he wants 5 so we can include dinner after our coffee visit…when i gave in and agreed that dinner would be nice, he then pushed and wanted to do a movie afterwards…
Also asked if we could go get a motel out of town for the night.
I am upset and feel like he is not hearing me or respecting my boundaries of sobriety.
This is why i cut all the past users out of my life.
I will say…even after being offer this “wonderful” night out of town and a break from home, i remembered ALL my triggers and happily said no. I cancelled the entire visit.
Im not sure i will ever be ready to see him again as i cant be sure he is getting sober nor that his intentions are good. He has stressed to me numerous times in our past that he has no desire to be fuuly sober but to gain his discipline back and only use in moderation.
How do others deal with these things?? Have you totally cut everyone out of your life?? Do you give them a chance to prove to you they are also walking the path of sobriety and risk being in a tempting situation??
Any feed back is great!!
Wow!!! Great job on saying no to numerous invites to go out this weekend! Proud of u for that. Thats not always easy.
As for people in the past… to be honest we have just sort of remained distant. When i got clean, I began to realize that drugs and alcohol were the only common ground (most often) that I had with them and so now (being clean and sober), we really had nothing else in common. Plus it truly wasnt safe for me to be playing with fire (being near someone who tested my boundaries or was drinking and using and didnt care much about my sobriety). The only time i have considered rekindling that friendship is when i would see them in 12 step meetings wanting to better themselves. But even then, i learned to be cautious bcuz that can still be a recipe for disaster. I have more than once relapsed due to being too close to others who are also very new to recovery. I usually would just keep the interactions with my past friends to the meeting rooms and out for coffees in a public place
Thank you!! I have to agree, we dont have much for common interest aside for what we did while using.
This one person seems to be weighing on me more than others.
He is very charming and manipulative in his ordinary ways. He says all the right things via messaging…tells me how wonderful im doing and that he too is on a great path!!
It took me years of addiction and relapse to realize most of my boundaries.
I have alot of acquaintances from using, i didnt have friends. None of them people wanted to see me do any better in life…none of them knew my childrens names…none of them urged me to go home and sober up for myself and my family.
I have cut ties with them all…just him i have contact with maybe 1x a week via text. I cant seem to be done woth that…i know its a bad idea to make plans with him yet some small part wants to hold onto that…could this be that i am hanging on to a thread of that world?!?
I dont want to risk what i have gained. I am happy. I must let go of this toxic relationship while still so fresh into recovery.
Thank you for your words…thank you for reading and hearing my frustration!!
It took me a long time to cut off my old using buddies
Especially this one man. He ended up dieing threw od and a bad fall. If I didn’t cut him off I could have quite possibly have been with him using the same drug he died from. I was with him all the other times so it’s possible I would have been there. After he died I cut off everyone I used with. It was just too real. If your friends have no compassion for your sobriety then they were just using buddies. Not 1 of my old friends supported my sobriety which was a big kick in the ass but it’s their karma. I’m not about to be arrested or hurt over drugs and alcohol.
I’m not telling you what to do. This is my experience with old friends.
I agree…i had no problem shutting everyone else out. Dont even use my own social media accounts while getting sober.
Last time i waited till i was 6 weeks sober, then i deleted everyone from social media and didnt look back till i relapsed at 9 months of sobriety.
I am only 24 days in… believe i beed to cut him out totally as well …
Funny how the mind works…how we can hold on to maybe 1 thing. Just makes me go Hhhhmmmmm!!! Lol
Thank you. I am truly sorry to hear about your friend who past away. I have had many experiences feeling the same as you. I love my brother to an unexpected OD. (His cocaine was laced with fentynel.) Had he not have been alone i wonder if he would have had someone to save him.
I use to beat myself uo about this quite often. In June it will be 3 years since his passing. Dwelling on the “what if’s” can hold us down and do lots of mental damage. I must believe in my higher power and do what i can for me and my family.
Staying clear and being blunt with this person in my life is going to be best for me and my family.
I made a lot of sober friends simply by looking for them locally. There are so many communities for people in recovery to make connections. I wouldn’t have gotten sober without my sober friends and socializing with them outside of meetings.
Sober relationships are important i find. In my small community i am having a difficult time. I have truly appreciated this forum. Its been a great way to stay involved and have sober connections.
I find my need for iin person relationships have demished drastically.
For me, that is a good thing…straying to far from home is still not something i wish to do unless my kids are with me. They keep me grounded and remind me of what i am fighting for.
Im afraid without them i will become vulnerable.
Thank you. I definitely feel he is pushing. This makes me question the whole situation. He was a user for many more years than me. I find it difficult to believe that there are NO alternative motives.
I have expressed many times over the course of a year that when i take my leap to sobriety, i would be cutting out everyone i was involved with while using…
He still pushes.
I do believe im doing the right thing.
