Ptsd sucks, I wanna drink (tw child abuse memories)

Emotional Support
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I hate that this keeps happening. I hate these feelings so much. I feel so small and scared and gross

So basically i started drinking as a kid. After being physically/sexually abused my abusers gave me alcohol to make me stop crying. I guess it connected over time that alcohol=its over now. I keep gettihg really vivid body memories like i can feel the hands on me again and its so gross. And none of my grounding tools are working and i see my therapist in a few days but fuck its hard right now. I wanna puke. It feels so real, i feel like that scared kid again. Im 10 months sober and i know that drinking is a terrible idea but idk what else to do. Im gonna call my sponsor and maybe a friend after that too but ugh i just want to feel better already.

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Drinking won’t make it end. I think you’re doing the right thing by reaching out and asking for support!

I want to add that you don’t need to be sorry for anything. What happened is not any of your fault!

4

At this point ive kinda regressed into feeling like a kid again. Ive just been doing some journaling, coloring in a book which is soothing, just trying to do little things to help me feel safe. I feel less gross now but its still there. Its getting easier tho and i didnt drink over it so thats good.

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