Quadruple digits ~ 1000 days

One thousand days ago, I walked into rehab. I had not slept at all that night. It was my last time I could game, so I obviously was not going to let that “go to waste”.
I was very happy to go to rehab. I had been looking forward to it for nearly a half year. And finally it was time. I went in open-minded and willing to change. And I never gamed again.

I’ve learned a lot since that first day.
I learned forgiveness. I forgave my father. He was an abusive man. Physically, verbally and emotionally. I resented him for all the pain I had endured. All the mental anguish I experienced. But with help from my rehab, I saw past that history.
Rationalising also helped a lot with that matter. I am mostly able to no longer look at a person’s actions, but at their drive.
My dad was abusive, which is always wrong. But it isn’t that simple. He was raised even worse. He is incapable of forming his own opinions. So he believes that the way he was raised was right. And in his eyes, applying this logic was best for us. He did his best for us, even if it was a screwed up way. Can I truly stay angry because of that?
Then there’s acceptance. Sometimes people do very stupid things for dumb reasons. My brother, for example, is one of the most offensive people I know. He has aspirations to become a dictator. He is racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, misogynistic, perverted etc. He is however surrounded by very right winged people and he has a very low mental capacity. So I accept him for who he is.
These three things; forgiveness, rationalising and acceptance; have been detrimental to finding inner peace. Having pent up anger is bad for you, it eradicates a part of your joy.
Finding this trifecta takes time, a lot more than 1000 days. It is a long journey, but that’s okay. You will see progress and you will gradually feel better. And sooner than you think.

I also learned to analyse my behaviour. Because all behaviour is a symptom of something underlying. I wanted to be perfect because I never felt good enough. I was aggressive, and sometimes still am, because my autism makes it a lot harder to deal with strong emotions and it causes me to express those emotions through an effective release.
When I know the underlying cause, I can truly change.

Even though all this might make those 1000 days seem easy, it wasn’t. It was hard work. And I still struggle with other addictions. When I went to rehab, it was for my gaming addiction. The addict in me told me that I could still watch TV, but moderately. 30 minutes of tv a day turned into hours. Watching TV turned into watching YouTube videos about TV shows, which led to videos about other things, which led to YouTube shorts for hours on end. Those shorts ruin your dopamine system. And a lot of them were narrations with videogames in the background. Which led to very strong cravings.

Therefore yesterday was the last time I watched YouTube recreationally. That chapter is closed now. I’m looking forward to my dopamine threshold dropping and being able to enjoy the little things more.

Recovery is hard, but it’s really fucking worth it :smiley:

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Congrats Jan :fireworks::fireworks::fireworks: and thank you for this honest and differentiated account of your recovery. :ok_hand:

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Congrats Jan :slight_smile:

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Congratulations on your big 1000! So much effort!! You have a lot to be proud of.

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This is so awesome. Congrats Jan!! I’m so proud of you :partying_face: :heart_eyes: :trophy:

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well done young man , was over in the netherlands last month, Amsterdam, The Haigh and the floria fest , lovely country ill be back

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Welcome to the comma club sir!

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Congratulations Jan. You have a long list of achievements you can be proud of. (clapclap​:clap::clap:). I’ve enjoyed reading your posts very much. They have given me a lot of hope where you can get, when you make change happen bit by bit.

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Congratulations Jan! Amazing work and I am glad that after all the tough times you are still here with us in a way that is best for you :sunflower:

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Awesome Jan !! Huge huge huge Congratulations !! :tada::slightly_smiling_face::tophat:

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Yes. Yes it is. Keep getting after it!

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Well done, Jan! I’ve learned much about gaming and technology addiction from you. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs!

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Congratulations Jan!! :ok_hand::clap:t2::clap:t2::pray:t2::two_hearts:1000!!! Brilliant work :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Jan, I’m happy and proud to see a young man in recovery, putting that sobriety first, using personal accountability. Well done, keep on truckin’!

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Wow, congratulations Jan. Thanks for you share…:partying_face::star_struck::partying_face:

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Wow Jan!!! That post was incredible! The insight and depth of these 1000 days is absolutely astounding. I cant even be more proud of you!!! Honestly you have come so far and I’m so glad that at 1000 days in ur still sharing ur experience, strength, and hope with everyone on TS. Extremely proud of you for not only besting ur addictions but also discovering what has created that inner peace for you. Forgiveness of ur father and acceptance of ur brother. That’s huge stuff to work thru. I am going to remember what u said about forgiveness, rationalizing, and acceptance. I think I need alot more of that in my life :slight_smile: Great job Jan!!!

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Strong post and a beautiful journey you are undertaking Jan. Many congrats and keep going. Which I know you will

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Nice one.
Thousand days of commitment
:+1:
giphy (9)

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Congratulations Jan! YOU are so worth it!
You have learned so much about yourself, your feelings, and your reactions to events and people. Many valuable lessons learned on your road to recovery.
You’re doing great, so proud of you, keep going forward! :hugs::purple_heart:

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Woo hoo! So proud of you, Jan!! :tada:
I’ve witnessed you grow a ton in all aspects of your life over the past couple years. You’re an amazing young man.

Congratulations!!

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