Long message, writing sober and would really appreciate some support…
Hello, I’m new here, and I have been reading quote a few different topics and posts lately and this seems like a great place to help me stay clean.
I’d like some advice / answers on why things in my life fall apart, romantically for the most part, despite my (dedicated) girlfriend who is a recovering alcoholic, being fully supportive of me and my recovery and understanding of how the substance I use affects my mind and my thought process and just everything. (Meth)
Everything,life, it was all perfectly fine, but when I used for the first time ever, things slowly, (within 3-8 months) began to deteriorate, faster each time.
Now, I use(d) every single day for around 6 months straight. Had my ups and downs, of course, but I found myself meeting people and doing things and saying things and thinking things that were completely different from my own behavior, and I’ll end up getting in trouble alot.
If I run out, I involuntarily, aware, but involuntarily, get more. Somehow. It’s turned me into a different person all together, but I don’t know what to do.
6 hours sober now, I’m making the attempt to stay clean and sober, despite the pain that I know I’ll go through 
needless to say, just those 6 hours (5 days personal best! 
), has made me realize that it is in fact possible to quit, even if you think you can’t.
Long read, sorry.
The only issue with my recovery right now, that I feel, is my codependent relationship. Me and my girlfriend both have codependency, been together for a long long long time, and suddenly we were forced to lose contact with eachother (long distance, 2000 miles+), and I know it will be years before anything could happen…
And, having learned her past and present traumas, it kills my heart to think about all thats happened, and is still happening to her…and what may happen…
That right there is a major reason as to why I use anything at all. The pain is too great, but I didn’t realize, what i ended up getting into would simply add on to the pain and suffering.
Just looking for advise, again, as to what I should do to proceed with my life, completely sober. This website service is my first step. I’d appreciate any and all advice or comments about this, because it scares me to my core, my situation.
But! Atleast you guys have given me 6 hours sober so far. That’s amazing for me, i usually use every hour. So I thank you for that, I feel I can actually stay sober, I just don’t know how or what to do when the true love of my life, and I mean the TRUE love of my life, is suddenly ripped away from you… for years upon years. Not a word.
And, I’m not ever giving up on the chance we could reconnect again. We made our promises, we made our perfect vows and have had a long long time together…all I have left to hang on to is faith in her, and her faith in me, and in methamphetamine(s).
P.S, Yes, I am typing this topic while sober. I naturally write long paragraphs, lol, it’s just so hard and complicated for me.
Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all!!!