im so sick of being so easy to just drop and ignore. it feels absolutely useless to try and make anything work with anyone because all i ever get is led on an ghosted. no one ever even has the decency to say something came up or they didn’t feel like it anymore. its just: make promise/plans, lead me on, disappear/ignore me. sometimes text back days/weeks later. like just fucking communicate with me. im sick of always feeling like the one who fucked up because other people won’t communicate. don’t be the one to start it every time and be the one to disappear. there’s a reason im hesitant to give people my energy and its exactly that. once i trust people and reciprocate energy i feel like they just lose everything they had for me. as soon as it becomes time to go through with plans/a promise it’s like i dont even exist. i already fight the constant feeling of being a burden/too much/not enough/invisible every single day. and it hurts that people continuously know about my past, build up my trust, and then fucking vanish. either tell me what the problem is or tell me you’re not interested. i can’t fight my brains bullshit when i dont have anything to back myself up with.
im trying my absolute hardest not to relapse. i dont want to. but im almost at my breaking point. i was doing better but it just feels like it doesn’t matter how hard i try, nothing is going to change that im not meant to have anyone. ive been going nonverbal a lot again. ive been trying to brush it off as stress but it makes me feel like im not meant to use my voice. people pulling away n shit only further solidifies it. plus when im alone and im not talking and i just have my head down it’s a lot easier to live in my head. i dont need anyone or anything. i think life would be so much easier if i could just live solitary, never have to worry about talking to anyone or bothering anyone or being let down ever again. i could go wherever and do whatever because it wouldn’t matter. i wish i could just disappear.
Hey. I’m sorry you’re hurting. The pain of rejection and isolation really comes through in your post. That shit is tough. Take a boar hug: 
Now. Maybe it would be easier to analyse and come away from universalising if you pinned it down. What happened, what was the communication like, who or what group of ppl are you feeling rejected by? Do you have issues with a group of friends from high school, work colleagues excluding you, are you trying to online date?
When you have singled it out a bit more, try and see your side of it. What do you do to generate this situation repeatedly. I’m not trying to blame you, but it’s only our own side we can understand fully and try to change eventually.
Do you pick a certain type of person? Come across a certain way? Open up very quickly or not at all? Look at your own behaviour compassionately and try to understand the situation a bit more differentiatedly. It’ll make you feel less “thrown away” and will potentially give you some cues on how to tweak what you’re doing.
You’re not alone.
Are we talking romantic relationships here?
I’m sorry you are hurting. Whatever you do, don’t relapse. You have no chance of building the life you want, or forming relationships, etc, if you are fighting that fight. You need all your energy, all your awareness, to live your best life.
From what I understand, you are talking about dating? I am out of the dating game 20 years, so cannot relate at all, but I can say I don’t envy the current generation one bit. The app scene, with its instant judgements, being able to avoid people rather than have an uncomfortable talk, is a tough one. Feel strong in yourself that is it not your fault, you are a good person who deserves to find a fulfilling relationship. With that in mind, you have to learn to navigate the scene while protecting your soul. Faugxh had some good questions and ideas.
its pretty much everyone. friends, potential relationships, coworkers. i open up based on how others do. if they take awhile, ill take awhile. if they let it all out i let it all out. i go for people i vibe with. if we arent able to hold a conversation then i dont pursue it, even for friendship. the problem is that i get past the initial getting to know stage. either we’re solidly friends or we’re talking. with my friends the biggest issue is our schedules rarely lining up which i can understand and is more annoying than anything else. but i dont initiate anything romantic unless the other has expressed interest in me. if we talk about making plans then i can make the plans. if they make the plans then i go with it. the problem specifically lies in that other people keep making solid planss with me, talking to me up until a couple hours before said plans, and then disappearing. i tend to be clear up front on that i am someone who needs communication. im also clear up front that i work a lot and am also relied on by several others for rides and that when i have free time i like to know what im doing with it beforehand. so when people tell me they understand and that theyre “also busy and we’ll make it work” or that they “have nothing going on, my schedule works for theirs completely” and then continuously make plans only to be hours late or just completely ignore me to let me know theyre not happening i genuinely dont know what to do anymore. ive tried everything. ive tried having open conversations about intentions and feelings. ive tried holding on and just hoping and trying. ive tried giving back the same energy. it just feels like no matter what i do it doesnt matter, because it’s always going to be “i like you/want you in my life/want to see you” followed by nothing. ive turned down other invitations time and time again to have this happen. used the very little alone time i actually have to make things work for once. canceled tentative plans, gotten other people to take over rides for me. if i agree to plans or make a promise i mean it. and i uphold it. and every time it’s not reciprocated for me. i dont know what else to do besides be up front about how i am as a person because it was so much worse when i pushed it all down.
the only other way i can think of to protect myself is just not try anymore and isolate. because the problem is that i communicate and mean what i say, but no one else will communicate or mean what they say. these are people i know irl, some for years. it just feels like im only meant to interact with others when they’re bored and wanna play with me. like im a game or a toy.
Hey pal, your reply is pretty much along the same lines as before and that’s ofc fine. But it’s very universalised and unilateral and won’t give you much leverage to understand the situation better. It’s very much everyone else does everything and you can’t do anything else.
I get stuck in that spot regurlary too. It’s not a good place to be and it’s blind-siding ourselves.
I would encourage you to think along those lines a bit more:
Best of luck.
Come here, vent away Getting those feelings off your chest is helping. You are not alone. Sounds that you are hurting a lot. It’s horrible to be ghosted, when there is lack of comminication and feedback. I feel you, I’m going through the lack of communication in my divorce. It hurts, it robbs you off the posibility to reflect on feedback and learn, silence treatmemt is a powerfull manipulation method to break people.
Be kind to yourself, you are a good person. Focus on yourself and your recovery. Sending you hugs now. You can always come back later for more hugs.
Amen. I always try to get out of this loop as soon as I discover I’m stuck in it (sometimes the realization takes a bit of time). Someone here once said: Don’t decoratee the hole you are in, dig yourself out and back into the real world. I still love this thought.
i just dont know what to do. im careful. i follow at others pace to avoid being too much. i let people know i need time before im fully comfortable. i let people know that i have responsibilities i cant skip out on and that spontaneous plans rarely work for me. i let people know that i am honest with my feelings and that i stick to my word and that if i do or say something to please let me know what i did so i can ensure it doesn’t happen again. my only problem i can think of is that it takes a lot of hurt/problems for me to say anything because i dont want to be annoying or start a fight. i cant control others and i know what it’s like to be exhausted/preoccupied/busy/etc and do my best to give them the benefit of the doubt but i just cant do this anymore.
I know how all that feels and i feel for you…how about this instead…stop trying so hard with everyone else and turn all that effort and love on yourself for a while? Get back to basics…what makes you happy? Write an actual list of this because it helps to focus…and start doing all things on that list no matter how big or small…once you get happier within it tends to make relationships with others fall more into place, treat yourself how you want others to treat you for a while, your never alone…youve got you
I don’t quite get the point in your post. Do we talk romantic relationships, acquaitances, family, people from work or hobbies?
It sounds a bit to me like you want to give others a guideline how you want to be treaten. Do I understand that right?
I ask because you can come clear with yourself and you can react on their behaviour. Expectations can lead to resentments when they are not met. Don’t always expect to get back what you are willing to give.
Maybe think about therapy to adress your underlying issues. It helps/ed me a lot to cope and develop healthy practices.
Hey there! Looks like you are in the early stages of sobriety. Don’t know what your DOC is, but I can assure you that people will show up to sobriety support meetings virtually or face to face. Maybe start trying to find some sober friends. It should be this hard to find mutual friendships that are reasonably dependable. Sorry for the rough times. Maybe time to move in a different direction, where your authenticity and vulnerability can be met with understanding and appreciate through our common thread of sobriety. If you lived in Kansas City, I’d definitely love to hang out 
Maybe youve set the bar to high , there are plenty of clubs and events you can join and make new friends , looks like your old ones dont have time ? and as for isolation that will not help? maybe avisit to a doctor might help
Have you ever been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder? After reading your posts, i see alot of similarities to myself and i have been diagnosed with BPD. It’s basically caused by being abandoned and traumatized.
Ive never fit in, and never really wanted to, lol. Although I was lucky enough to find my twin flame young, and we have been through thick and thin. So I have my person, and my kids. But thats it. I have isolated myself to just that because people are a lot of work, just being someones friend, and being available is almost a young persons thing to me, lol. I never had any friends worth keeping around. Its kind of sad if I dwell on it. But I try not to. I realize My higher power doesnt want me to dwell on such things. My energy is better spent elsewhere. Part of my sobriety is aligned with what @Starlight14 is saying. Do what it takes for you to take care of you, then you can pour from a full vessel.
That self love is the jam 
Take care of you.