I listen to a live recovery meeting every Tues on Facebook. Search Serenity Village Community Church. Go to videos. Pastor is a recovering addict and has a lot of great insight.
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I have a hard time with most AA meetings because I am a staunch atheist; I have been since about the age 13, before I ever had a drink. I find it difficult to sit in a room with others discussing their personally (generally Christian leaning) beliefs.
I had a sponsor but things fell apart at step 2. I have found an agnostic group locally. I have gone a few times but it is later in than evening than I usually prefer to be awake. It’s at 7pm but I have to be awake by 3am for work. I know that sounds like an excuse but I try very hard to make sure I’m actually sleeping properly. Being tired reduces my mental strength to keep from drinking.
One podcast I found was called AA Beyond Belief. I’m appreciating it so far. More of the talk about sober journeys and less about being saved. If there are any other atheists I would recommend it to them. It’s easy to feel like an outsider among outsiders when you don’t believe in a “higher power”
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8 days and 23 hours. I should be asleep when that role over so I’m gonna call it 9 days now. Needing to wake up at 3am means it’s usually very easy for me to stay sober during the week. I do have a very empty weekend schedule though coming up. Tomorrow I’ll try to brain storm things, other than just sleeping through the weekend I can do to stay sober. Labor day weekend I’ll be working something like 14 hours of overtime so I won’t have time to drink then.
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AA saved my life. Let me get that out of the way at the outset. If there was one thing I could change about it, i would remove all the monotheistic, particularly Christian, and paternal references to the higher power.
My first higher power was the court system and Department of Corrections. They told me where to go at what time and the things I should do and not do there. With immediate and irrefutable consequences for failure. That’s a power greater than me. And ultimately, they had my success and best interest at heart. They wanted me sober and out of their supervision.
My next layer of higher power was my AA home group and friends. Here, indeed, was a very large group of people who had solved their alcohol problem, while I had no clue how to not drink.
Another good AA died yesterday in our community. It was unexpected, a fishing boat accident. We talked in the meeting today about death. I’m a scientific guy, I believe in the physical law that matter and energy must be conserved, they cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed. When a man or a dog or my mother dies, the energy that was “life” goes someplace. I believe there is a great pool of spirit that provides animation to living beings. A death is the return of energy to that pool while the body decomposes into its constituent elements. RIP Mickey.
I need atheists in AA. I need Jesus spouters, and confused idealists and Wiccans and Muslims and Rastas and Hindus and believers of every stripe. Because they all have part of the answers I seek. And you, I need you in my sobriety for the same reason.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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Thanks. I also believe in things more powerful than my self. No matter how cool I think I am or how hard I try, I will never be able to change the gravitational constant. I have no power over time or distances between universal bodies or vibrations in atoms.
From my meditation this morning: Thoughts are not Facts. “In mindfulness, we are learning to change our relationship to thoughts because our thoughts can fix us on the vicious cycle of addiction.” We often think our thoughts are true or buy into the stories they make. Mindfulness helps us disconnect from their story. My biggest false story my thoughts tell me about addiction is: Life without drinking would be boring.
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I guess after reading that, I’m left wondering what is the definition of a higher power, like what is it supposed to do, and does any one else not have one?
I have often thought that the concept of God was invented for two reasons: comfort and conformity. Saying things are God’s will make people feel better. They had no control over the situation because it was what the omnipresent, omnipotent God wanted. No responsibility, no guilt. Or it was used to keep societies in check with what the humans in power wanted. Don’t revolt against the government cause that’s not what God would want. I don’t really feel like conforming and I don’t need comforting from something I can’t see or touch.
Ok changing gears now because I’ve had too much God stuff in my life recently. I have been going strong for a while nearly 10 days. I stopped drinking basically right before bed time so my roll over happens basically at bed time. The weekdays are rarely difficult not to drink on, it’s Friday and Saturday that are my weakness. My husband usually goes to bed with in minutes of is getting home from work on Friday; leaves me too much time to do stupid shit. I have plans to get back on track with working out with my sister, we took a break for summer. But that usually only keeps me busy until about 330pm. I plan on trying to go to bed at my normal time on Friday and Saturday that will only leave me like 3 hours to figure out what to do with myself. There hours isn’t enough time to get black-out drunk so this should act as healthy yet probably only temporary solution. I will need to come up with other ideas too. My best friend and blackout buddy had also decided we should not be drinking and have alternative plans for when we hang out. It’s just the alone time that is the biggest hurdle. Need to practice jumping.
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There is order in the universe that transforms the chaos. There is a connection between all living things and all things that have lived and all things that shall live.
You are part of a whole. The wholeness, the connection,the order, these are all the higher power. There are forces mostly unseen, spirits or angels, at large among us.
For me, the whole of which I am a part is the best understanding I have of the higher power. It is the sum of all energies, something along those lines.
I feel close to the higher power outdoors, and having mental conversation with my dead mother.
Changing gears,if you have 3 hours to fill and you don’t want to hit a meeting, I suggest repetitive physical action, like stacking wood or mowing a lawn. Something that brings immediate,measurable results.
Blessings on your house .
Got my food box delivery tonight so spent my time getting the kitchen ready for a great food prep day to set the week off right.
I love cooking! Can’t wait to be eating all of this delicious stuff all week. I got all of this as only 2 settings but I just add in a bunch more veggies and make all of them three servings instead. So much cheaper and healthier. Yum!
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I’m using Home Chef. The ginger beef one is SO good! I’m gonna try a couple other providers since they all over the discounts when you first start then decide which one I like best. I like the fact that this one (the first service I’ve ever tried) have me a little three-ring binder and a page with each recipe on it to add into the binder.
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I spent all day yesterday helping clean a back yard that has been neglected for 5+ years. Grass/weeds up to my waist and trees that have sprouted and had too long to grow where they shouldn’t.
Today (Day 13), I slept in until about 530 then started cleaning. I got our kitchen sparkling before I started my meal prep. I was finally done with all of that at about noon. Only had one small load of dishes to do to be done for the whole day. I’m going to have delicious lunches and dinners all week. Next weekend/week is going to be a bit tricky though. I’m working all the days of the holiday weekend. No time for cooking and my food box doesn’t get delivered until Friday. I’ll fit it in somehow but I wanna make sure I don’t mess up my sleep cycle too bad.
The first day of my online class is suppose to start tomorrow. The teacher has yet to publish it to the online website though. I’m taking GES 520-Issues in Global Environmental Sustainability. It’s basically the same thing I got my bachelor’s in. I figured taking a class which I should know most of the knowledge already is a good way to figure out if I have enough time for school.
Hope everyone is well! Stay strong and have a great week!
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Today is my birthday. I’m now 35. I don’t have any plans as it is a week night. Although honestly, I haven’t really been excited about my birthday for the last couple years.
This isn’t a great picture but it’s what I decided to hang on my wall; it’s the first thing I see in the morning every day.
I’ve been listening to the meditation course called Breaking the Vicious Cycle of Addiction by Valarie Mason-John on my Insight Timer app. I’m on day 7 with that currently. It has some useful things to think about in reference to thought patterns and addiction. I am really enjoying it. I can recognize a lot of what she talks about in myself from previous to my therapy. I was a huge ball of negative self-talk. I was what I decided to call a negative narcissist. Everything bad that happened was definitely because of me; it was all my fault. Therapy was one of the best decisions of my life.
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Happy Birthday! 
Happy Cake Day. Rita!
Or pie 
if that’s you!!
Happy birthday! 35 was my best year! It’s when I got sober and started in recovery! Haha, what came before that I can’t remember anyway, so that’s how I will always view being 35. We are still so young, but much wiser than we were when we hit 30. I loved 36 as well, but 37 just sounds shitty. Fortunately it has been a great age as well.
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Thanks for the birthday wishes! Day 16 and still sober. Had a really great day but my melatonin is kicking my butt so I can’t explain today. I’ll be back for my day 17 check in tomorrow.
Good night everyone!
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I appreciate the check-ins - keeping us posted might be building your accountability, but we are drawn into your life as well, and that makes us richer.
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So my news from yesterday… I have found a way to get away from my current supervisor. This is good for multiple reasons. I come from a background in which my mom was very verbally and emotionally abusive. I dealt with it as a child by developing incredibly low self-esteem. I didn’t ever deal with that trauma until like a 1.5 years ago. One year ago I started my team lead position. The supervisor is great, most of the time, but she has erratic moods and acts totally inappropriate for a supervisor. My first month she told someone they should just quit if they couldn’t handle doing the job her way. I have tried to help her out as much as possible with growth and trying to remain calm when she’s upset. Recently she has decided to start “coaching” me, this has consisted of her calling me 2nd grade names, like snotty and bossy. When she’s in a good mood though she encourages all of my bad behavior; eating poorly, drinking, calling in sick just cause I have the time. I don’t need anyone’s help to make bad decisions. So yeah, I’m really stoked to be moving on. And I was able to do it in a professional manner that impressed my new boss and the general manager. I’m really hoping to be getting the next supervisor position that becomes available. 
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And you stayed sober the whole day. Praise be!
How did you tackle your self esteem issues if you don’t mind me asking? I ask as this was the root cause for certainly my initial drug use and more than likely also responsible for my continued use so it’s something I’m keen to work on I just have literally no clue how to go about it. 
