I haven’t been to AA or looked much into the steps but I know to apologize to those youve wronged is a part of the 12 steps. I have been thinking about this on and off lately and was wondering of anyone’s experience with this step in particular. I know I have hurt others and I still carry guilt even from years ago. I’m wondering if I were to reach out to those I caused pain to if that would be beneficial to my growth. The obvious answer is yes but I wanted to post and hopefully get some advice and hear of other people’s experiences with doing so.
I feel like I’m having a hard time moving forward with my life and viewing myself more positively with all this guilt hanging over me.
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I have done this myself, for the most part I had to listen to others tell me how bad I had been and its really hard to swallow that truth and really upsetting to hear it, but I was able to then to apologise, genuinely appolagise and give people an understanding of what I had been going through, not making any excuses for my actions but owing them…for the most part I have been forgiven but you also have to accept that some people will not forgive you and you have to accept that, equally if not harder to do. I get angry about it because there is one sister who has never been impacted by me drinking has taken a hard stance, she obviously has her reasons, I’m having to accept that I can’t fix that relationship with her right now and just step back, she can’t avoid me altogether so only time and my recovery will see what happens in the future
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Thanks for sharing. What a tough situation with a sister. It’s impressive how you talk about it so clearly.
I am interested in this too from a slightly different perspective. How do I forgive myself for wasting 15 years of my life on drink?
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You DIDN’T waste those years.
Those years made you who you are. They are an important part of your success story.
No good ever came from comparing our life to the lives of others. There isn’t a scoreboard or a grading scale. There’s just life. And you’re in the thick of it. That’s OK.
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Thanks for the talking to. I needed it.
It can be tough to apologize for past wrongs and hurts, but try to remember that you are not the same person today, as the one who perpetrated that for which you are apologizing.
How do I know you aren’t the same person? Easy. You are apologizing. The old you wouldn’t be apologizing. The old you would rationalize or minimize. The new you is remorseful, contrite, and cares enough to acknowledge that you value the wronged person.
At least that’s the way I see it. Your mileage may vary.
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Anytime.
Now let’s get me off this high horse. Haha
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Nothing wrong with a soap box when it helps someone 
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The 9tj step deals with making amends, which is different than an apology. If you stole $1,000 friends someone you ask them what they want you to do to make it up to them. Sometimes they don’t want anything but for you to stay sober. Other times they may want you to turn yourself in to the police.
It’s an action step. Sorry doesn’t mean anything coming from me. I have to make the other person whole again.
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Would you turn yourself in for a felony you never were charged for because they just hate you? I dont speak pig 
latin… I couldnt do it. Id have to amend them out of my life…like you …due to statue of limitations i could go to jail for sure…
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Depends what my sponsor would have me do. I know someone that did just that. Sometimes it does more harm to other people by having you locked up so a different type of amends is in order.
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I reached that step after i did the others first ? but i wish you well
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