Reaching out to stay on track

Emotional Support
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First off Merry Christmas with love to you all!

Im reaching out because i feel like im struggling not to drink again. Yesterday was a good day…my daughter was amazed with the presents i got her she was so happy and i was for her…i made a lovely Christmas lunch for my parents, my older brother and his wife visited too…i created a great day for everyone…i feel good about that but underneath it all i felt sad…i feel guilty for feeling like that…somehow i feel very lonely…like im fighting very hard again not to drink…i did really well i didnt pick up but the urge was strong again…some wise words would be very helpful right now TIA xxxx

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Well first off Merry Christmas :hugs: I’m glad you have remained sober. I’m not sure exactly why you feel guilty I know you have you’re reasons but know that you deserve to feel that joy in you’re life. You creating that great day for everyone I’m assuming probably wouldn’t have happened if you were still drinking. For myself without my sobriety I wouldn’t be present period. You have accomplished something many out there today couldn’t, can’t, and won’t do because not everyone gets this thing unfortunately (sobriety). One thing I know for sure you are not alone and you never have to be if you don’t want to. You have us here who care and understand that struggle. I don’t know if you have a support group in person but I’d encourage you try and get one if not. I am not wise I’m just an addict who knows how that darkness feels and pops in and out from time to time. I just hang on to my seat and don’t pick up no matter what in this moment. That’s all I have this moment and right now I know if I use or drink everything I’m fighting for, everything I’m accomplishing in my life, everything I feel changing inside of me will have me back track to a 50/50 chance I’ll say fuck all and disappear. Right now I want to live, and be present it truly is a gift in my eyes anyways. I hope this helps it’s just how I feel you are worth the recovery, and happiness no matter what you’re experiences have been. There is no excuse good enough to use or drink. We either want to be loaded or don’t, I hope you don’t we love you stay strong :muscle::pray::blue_heart:

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I see you take care of so many folks. How about taking care of yourself? And are the others taking care of you too enough? What’s there for you except the gratitude ( I hope) of the others?

On that same track, isn’t booze the reward you know for yourself? Your escape, your go to, your friend? Sobriety can fee lonely and alcohol can seem the solution but I tell you it is not, it’s exactly the opposite, it isolates us, makes us retract into our shells. Don’t believe the lies alcohol tells you friend. Work on new strategies to connect with others. One day at a time. Hugs.

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Hey Kelly. Merry Christmas to you. It sounds like you created a very nice memory for your family. They are lucky to have you.

If I was you I would try and look at why I’m feeling detached and sad and find out what I would need to feel better. Is it some alone/self care time? Do I miss human connection? Am I romanticising drinking so some extent? Why?

Find out what the sadness and the guilt are trying to tell you. That darkness is part of life and if you can accept it and learn from it, if you can find that flexibility, it will not break you or your sobriety.

Mental health memes and discussion (Part 2)

You’re not alone!

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Thanks everyone, i feel guilty that im not enjoying the situation as others are, that i have this beautiful daughter who is so happy, beautiful intelligent yet i feel sad inside, i feel guilty for being sad, i dont know how else to explain it, i often feel like im never fully present so i fake it for everyone elses sake

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Merry Christmas! Sometimes a big day is under whelming, and Christmas can be such a pressure. All the picture perfect photos on Instagram, they hide that Christmas can be average or sad and triggering.

@Mephistopheles When is that zoom meeting? I am not doing so great lately. I might show my face if the time difference isn’t awful.

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3 posts were merged into an existing topic: TS zooms! Welcome!

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Hey, i think maybe some alone time is what i need, which im actually getting today as my daughter is at her dads for the day and night. In the lead up to Christmas i stayed as busy as possible…obviously i wanted to do nice things for my daughter and family but aswell as that i wanted to make sure i could keep busy on the day because i was worried about the drinking …i was also worried about feeling lonely too…the few days just before Christmas day i found myself wanting to cry and i honestly dont know why…i dont know if ive put too much pressure on myself again or what…i struggle alot with feeling like im not enough and then it spills over into not knowing if the things i do are enough, at the moment im having a relaxing bath trying to figure out this brain of mine

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Christmas expectations can be hard on us, especially in sobriety. It really is okay to feel that sadness, guilt and a dullness. It may be uncomfortable, but they are normal human emotions. We are not always cheerful and grateful and that is 100% normal and okay.

And you aren’t alone in being scared of feeling this way. When I get down, it puts a dull ache on so much. I work to remember it is okay to feel this way, I don’t need to push it away, it will dissipate on its on. I can nurture myself thru…as you have done…thru posting here and sharing and getting it out a bit and taking your warm bath. I find journaling super helpful as well.

We put so much pressure on ourselves…the holidays add more. Relentless cheerfulness doesn’t help. Distraction is just that. Sometimes simmering in our stew of discontent a bit can lead us to being okay with not being okay. :heart:

Sending hugs your way. You are not alone.:heart:

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The thing i feel worst about is yesterday my little girl constantly wanting me to play with her…i did but i didnt want to play all the time, she deserves more than that

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Merry Christmas and good job on making such a nice day for your people.

And congratulations on staying away from the drinking!

It sounds like you are questioning the decision you made to be sober. I hope you have time today to reflect on how you got here and what drove you to make the change. I know it helps me when I’m feeling the urge. What can you do for yourself instead of drinking today?

Get to a meeting if that is a strategy that has worked for you.

Get outdoors and get some real exercise, like miles of walking if that is a thing for you.

Journal

Pick out a book you can enjoy

Stock up and start drinking your favorite non-alcoholic beverages, maybe in a nice glass. Sparkling water? Tea? Hot chocolate? Coffee?

Call a person who loves you and find out how they are doing.

Tackle a house project or a work project.

Drive to a park and go for a long walk.

Pick out some movies you can enjoy. Make some popcorn.

Go to the movies

Go to a museum. Learn new things

Make a plan for a vacation. Look for places to stay and things to do.

Make a photo album

Make a dream board for the new year

Watch cooking shows and come up with something new to make for a meal. (Avoid shows with alcohol pairings and references. So maybe breakfast?)

Pick out a video game you can play online. Play it for a while

Start a craft or sewing project

Start a garden

Plan a garden

Read about different food diets: vegetarian, vegan, paleo, etc

Clean out the closets

Clean out the garage

Organize the kitchen differently

Organize the furniture in your house differently

Research new career options

Sign up for free language lessons and work on them online

Plan out your 2023 calendar with camping and other recreation

Join the local pool and go for a swim

Go to the gym

Work on your music collection

Work on your recipe collection

Join an online genealogy group and study your family

Write a story, a song, a poem, a memoir

Read all the postings here about relapse

Learn more about addictions and alcohol and the brain

Learn how to download library books to your device and start reading all the books you’ve ever wanted.

Research how to participate in pet rescue

Research how to volunteer at your local school or food pantry or homeless shelter or hospital.

Watch tv shows you enjoyed as a kid

Don’t drink today. That is all.
I wish you the best.

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I understand. It sounds like you feel you let her down in some way.

It doesn’t make us a bad parent to not always be ‘on’ and available to play with vigor and enthusiasm. You were there, alongside when you were able to be.

You did your best where you were at yesterday. You didn’t drink. You were as present as possible. You created a nice day of memories for your daughter and family.

:heart:

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I do feel like ive let her down because i felt pressure to have to be constantly happy and playful, at times i felt glad to be cooking too so i could get a break from it…but its that feeling why i feel guilty…shes amazing n i should be happy to play with her so im annoyed at myself

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I don’t know about you, but when I am drained emotionally or mentally or physically…it is hard for me to find enthusiasm even when I feel I should (like when my grandson is here and I am exhausted, but I only see him once or twice a year, so every moment is precious…). Argh…so many expectations. Those drain me. Makes it hard to stay in the moment.

Sometimes the best we have to give doesn’t measure up to the ideal we have in our head. Be gentle with yourself. :heart:

Today is a fresh day.

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This is the addiction lying to me. Telling me that I’m missing out on all this fun by choosing to leave my DOC behind. The biggest lie. Telling me that I was making this huge sacrifice by giving it up. For decades, I felt that my DOC was the greatest thing in the world. Nothing was more valuable to me.

Put all those gifts of family, marriage, friendships, God, self-esteem together… And put them all together… And their value still wouldn’t come close to the exorbitant amount of value that I was placing on my DOC. My subconscious was constantly telling me that giving up my DOC was the most craziest thing to do. How could life ever be enjoyable again without it? Lies … all lies.

Because the truth is my addiction has no value. It has nothing beneficial to offer. It’s worth $0. Our DOC’s don’t take away stress, but create it. And instead of curing anxiety, they only make us more anxious. Because once the dopamine wears off after each session, I’m left more anxious, more stressed, more craving, more obsessing…

And the fun? The pleasure? The only pleasure I was experiencing was the pleasure of relieving the withdrawal pangs that were caused by the addiction to begin with. That’s not fun. It’s a lie; an illusion; a miserable existence.

I imagine some stranger running up to me and handing me $1500. I’m happy! Elated! Yet, I found out later that this same person embezzled $2000 out of my bank account. But instead of seeing the truth; that he stole money from me, I keep chasing after him to do it again. That’s what my DOC does to me. It steals from me, and deceives me to believe that it’s giving me something of great value.

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Does she though??!!??

It sounds like you created a beautiful Christmas for your family, particularly your daughter…AND you spent time playing with her. I think her needs are being wel met mama! YOU are allowed to have some moments to yourself. You are allowed to read a book, talk to someone who can listen, watch a tv show, take a bath. You’re daughter is not the only one who “deserves”.

It sounds like you get to do your own thing today, which I fully support. That list above is great. I personally am a fan on an alone day, of long luxurious bubble baths, massages or facials (if I can afford them and find availability) hikes with my pups, treating myself to an hour or two in the Barnes and noble reading books, and taking myself to a meal.

Also, I’m currently looking for a therapist, and have seen the amazing things speaking to one regularly has done for my husband. You have needs and are deserving of time for you. :heart: Sending you love today

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Thanks everyone, i know in my heart that sobriety is the best thing for me and everyone concerned. Relapse isnt an option and i wont drink. Its these icky emotions that come from knowhere …the doubting myself, loneliness etc i find almost debilitating sometimes, i am in therapy but its very early stages so for now in an attempt to get rid of some excess emotion ive just had a good cry and literally screamed into a pillow :laughing:

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Crying gets it out!! Good for you. :heart::heart::heart:

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I think you need to give yourself permission… NOT to drink, because why would you want to throw your life away for that poison, but give yourself permission to feel the full range of human emotions… It is ok to feel low, or sad, guilty or upset and it is ok even if you don’t fully understand the reasons why, you are a human and subject to human hormones and everything that is part of the package. It is ok to feel lost or upset. Give yourself permission to feel un-perfect, nobody is perfect.

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I havent drank for 118 days and dont intend to…its true that i get angry and frustrated with myself for feeling negative emotions sometimes especially when i feel that way when its supposed to be a happy time, i have been told alot by my mother that i shouldnt feel like this or that throughout my life…maybe its to do with that? I know i pile pressure on myself alot to be a certain way

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