It really hurts when I’m reminded that if i die or i kill myself, no one i used to call a friend would notice.
I have no friends. They’ve all left me and I have no idea why.
Why am I so easy to abandon?
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I was just thinking about the same thing
If they don’t want you well fuck them
Its their loss you’ll find better people who love you and appreciate you in every way
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That is a very hard thing to think about yourself. I have thought the same. It is a desperately painful thought.
Firstly, we don’t know how much our death would hurt others. A colleague of mine killed himself. We would chat, he gave me a few books. A very minor connection. But I still wonder should I have reached out more and tried to be his friend? I feel guilty, shocked, sad.
Second, friendships can be hard. Sometimes life gets in the way, sometimes our fear of being hurt actually makes us push people away (I am not saying it is your fault, I am saying we have to recognise our own part).
Your life is precious, and your happiness is worth working for. But happiness does need to be worked for. Especially if you are an overthinker or anxious then you have to constantly remind yourself that your interpretations of reality are coming through your own biased lens.
Again, I am not saying this to blame you. I feel the same. Apart from my kids, who have a biological instinct to feel this way, it is nothing particular about me, I feel I am no-one’s ‘special person’. Always on the edge of groups. But I have to acknowledge my own behaviour, the walls I build. I feel like people don’t know me, but I don’t tell people what is going on in my head because I fear rejection.
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Well I don’t know you nor your personal situation, but I am very certain that there are plenty of people that care and would most certainly miss you, starting with many people here.
You have begun a journey that will help you find and make deeper connections and build a lifetime of friendship and love.
I hope you are not thinking of anything like that and you should reach out to speak with people that can help guide you.
You have much to look forward too and if those “friends” have left you, then you are probably better off.
Please ensure you speak with someone, connect with some family and find the light you are searching for. You have my best wishes that you find your way forward, and by one just staying sober. 
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You’re always thought about and cared for here.
Those that are in a place to abandon someone are not true friends.
Time to build healthier relationships. Those ones where we can be our honest authentic selves are more meaningful.
We’re here for you.
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I reckon you haven’t actually found your people yet then
They are there. Keep recovering yourself and find what you need.
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You can’t control what people do or how they act, but you can control how you react to it. The short answer is that people who are no longer in your life do not matter. You will make new friends, and you’ll always find them in new and interesting ways. They will care about you, and if they don’t, they aren’t your friends and don’t matter. Simply putting yourself out there and reaching for help is enough for now. You’re in recovery mode like all of us are. And at the end of the day you matter to yourself. As long as you don’t abandon yourself, you’re never going to be alone.