Hi. Yesterday I had probably the worst day I’ve had since I’ve been sober. A minor thing at work set me off and it ended up with me saying some really awful things, having a panic attack, feeling hopeless, and time to go to the ER. I’ve wanted to drink so badly since yesterday. It feels like all the progress I made went 5 steps back in an instant. I feel emotionally and spiritually sick and I’m actually physically ill too. I just feel like I’m surviving today. I can’t go back to work until at least Monday and I don’t even know how to fill all this time. My therapist is going to call me again later and I see her tomorrow and I have one of my homegroups tonight but I’m also going to go to at least one more meeting. I just feel awful today though. I called my sponsor and he helped a lot, but my mind keeps wanting to go back to negativity. Idk I just feel like giving up but I also don’t want to at the same time. Just stuck in limbo or something. Just wanted to share that
Oh no, that sounds really hard. I am sorry. I don’t know how far along you are in your sobriety, but I do know that early days, weeks can be very challenging emotional regulation wise and physically. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to protect your sobriety and self, that is a big positive. Are you able to get out in nature and walk? Sometimes the activity helps clear my head and body. I know panic attacks are awful, and they won’t kill us, even tho they feel like it. It is good you reached out here and to your therapist and sponsor. Having people to help support you is important. Please keep reaching out in whatever ways you can. And having compassion for yourself and the situation. 
You are not alone, I also had a triggering experience yesterday. The one moment Im confident and the next I just want to give up
Im new here so dont really have much advice other than, keep going and dont feel bad about yourself. Im sure most of us here have/had those days
Hii I understand how you feel. It takes strength to understand our feelings and process emotions we have been masking for so long. What helps me is journaling especially when I am dealing alot with negative emotions, I just dump them on paper and light the paper on fire. It helps me to let go. Im glad you have a sponsor for support and support from therapy. I appreciate you sharing your day here.
@mikedrums1205 I would just focus on surviving each day without drinking/using. You’ll get better at handing your emotions and feelings as time goes on, give yourself a break. You are doing better than you think you are.
Best part: You havent relapsed.
I’m almost 9 months in actually which makes it feel even worse. I’ve been doing therapy since last July actually, stopping drinking last August, and been totally sober since October 20th since I was still doing weed for a bit. I was outside a bit and I have some things I’m doing today at least to try to help. Multiple meetings, talking to my therapist again, and trying to stay accountable. But yeah this was the worst setback I’ve had in sobriety. The only thing I did right yesterday was stay sober
I understand you completely. I’ve had many days I felt great and one little thing brings me down way more than you would think it could. I appreciate you reaching out
Yeah the writing does help me too. I’ve been writing pretty much every day for almost a year now. I guess the hardest thing for me is all the ups and downs and how quickly they can come and go. Like a lot of the time my mood is just not stable for very long. I’ll have good days still where it’s more stable, but a lot of not knowing where certain moods or thoughts even come from
Yeah that is true. Living one day at a time is the only way I can even fathom to keep doing this. Even that can be hard, but it’s at least an attainable goal each day
I understand. Mine tend to be intrusive thoughts that come and go. Some can and do put me in a bad mood. Also having depression doesnt help. But im learning feelings and emotions come and go like waves. Just know youre not alone in riding those waves.
Hi @Nicky94.
Even simpler breathing exercise:
- Inhale slowly, saying in your mind, “good shit in”.
- Hold for 5 secs
- Exhale slowly, saying in your mind, “bullshit out”.
- Hold for 5
- Repeat as necessary.
It’s worked for me, but I must emphasise say it in your head, or you may get some weird looks
Keep coming back here, we’re all here to help each other.
No matter how new to you it is, it might just make your life easier and your on going journey of sobrity smoother 
Just keep coming back!
Take care, stay strong and stay sober.
&
Well in my book, that is A LOT!
@mikedrums1205 try not to over-think it man. All you’re doing is not picking up. replace picking up with going for a walk or read or get a snack or pray replace the behavior that’ll help.