Unfortunately, I relapsed on cocaine last night after 2 or 3 weeks sober… Before I relapsed, I was finally starting to feel like myself again and I felt like my brain was finally starting to go back to normal. I ended up flushing down the rest of that awful drug and made a plan to prevent this from happening again.
Although I started taking measures to prevent this from happening again, I’m really not feeling good about myself right now. I feel like such a loser to be honest… I feel like if I just stayed sober that day and didn’t cave due to alcohol impacting my thoughts that night (I realize I cannot drink anymore as well), my day would’ve been so much better. I feel like I have to be so perfect with maintaining my sobriety that it’s nearly impossible.
Any advice on how to get out of this negative mindset? I realize I can’t change the past. All I can do is move forward, but I just feel like this whole incident reset so much good progress.
Edit: Also, is it normal to relapse every few weeks or so like this in early recovery? What is the most key thing to achieving long-term sobriety in your opinion?
If you try to stay sober the easy way, it’ll be hard but if you go hard in your sobriety, it’ll be easy.
No, everyone does not relapse every few weeks in early recovery. I’ve been clean 18 months and not relapsed once. But I know it does happen from time to time depending on the individual.
You aren’t a loser. You’re a human being who is trying to numb something. Be it childhood pain, something going on in your life right now etc. You need to get to the core of that so you can begin to heal. Or it will be an endless cycle of rinse, wash, repeat.
Ultimately you have to get sick of YOU. You have to look yourself in the mirror and be honest about who you are and then realize YOU deserve better. ERIC deserve sobriety. It’s an exhausting dead end road, I know. But you can decide to take a different route. I believe in you homie. There is nothing so hopeless about you that makes it so you can’t recover.
And I would like to add a thread worth reading too:What's YOUR plan? maybe you already checked it out?
I had a few relapses myself and they where all around 3 months. So I made a plan how to get myself further then that. Here’s how I did it 2 years sober and what helped me to get there: My doc (drug of choice) is alcohol, but there are loads of simularities.
I know you are feeling down and sad today but try to focus on the “now” instead of the past ore future.
Today is the magic word in recovery
So don’t hate yourself but put all that anger and energy in the change you wanna make.
You can do it, I believe in you and we are all here to support you!
Keep this front and center in your mind and in focus. You’re here and that says a lot. Don’t hate yourself, learn from what you did and as you said, go forward.
It’s not impossible. This site is full of people ahead of you who have successfully made their way down their own path. You can too. You do have to put a good bit of will, commitment and conscious thought into what you’re doing, what you may not want to do, what your triggers are and how to deal with them.
You clearly want to not use cocaine and quit drinking to get rid of that trigger.
A community is here to help you plus you can go to 3D or online recovery.
Each day say ‘just for today I’m not going to use’ . You’ll end up so proud of yourself.
Hi Eric
So glad you are back and posting. This shows you are ready for that change that recovery is built on. Recovery is not easy but it is worth it. My doc was also alcohol and cocaine. Today I have 180 cocaine Free and 61 alcohol free. Initially relapsed a lot. It always started with a drink for me and then I would crave the cocaine. It always got worse after each relapse.
I have put in a lot of work and healing and continue to work a program. Some of us go to in paitent or out paitent treatment. Some of us become members of fellowship like Aa/ Na/Ca, Smart. Some of us go to therapy and get help for our tramua. I have done all of the latter and then some. Everyone’s path can be different but for me I want this new way of life so bad I am willing and do try anything and everything to keep myself sober. My sponsor often says chase your recovery like you chased your addictions.
I believe in you Eric. Your in a good place. This community of people has a wealth of knowledge and support. Read as much as you can and reach out whenever you need too. It’s said the opposite of addiction is connection. We can and do recover. Blessings my friend. One day at a time you can heal. Looking forward to seeing you around.
Relapsing can happen, but they don’t have to anymore. Yep, most common times are within the first 90 days. Let’s move on! We can’t change it, it’s simply part of our past–so no benefit in dwelling.
This day is amazing! And all we have to do is protect it, from when we wake up to when we fall asleep. Filling the day with healthy routines and touching base here at least once, talking about/ working with fellow addicts/ alcoholics in recovery is something I try to do daily. Keeps me focused, keeps me out of my head.
Beating ourselves up about shit in the past is wasted time and keeps us in that restless, irritable and discontent land. Makes us more likely to do irrational things…
You and the rest of us don’t ever have, or need, to drink or use again, friend! Stay the course and a beautiful life will be there.
