I was doing so well. Went months without drinking, then managed to moderate for months. But it always ends up the same way. Thinking I can handle it and then losing control. I once again was a drunken mess causing drama, embarrasing myself and next morning hoping I could just vanish from earth.
I want to stop hurting myself. I say no to booze and I say no to moderation. It doesn’t exist for me. Day 3 and counting.
Welcome to the forum @Raspberry! Congratulations on day 3 
Moderation is something that alot of us have tried (including myself) at one time or another, and it never EVER ends well.
As addicts and alcoholics, one is too many and a thousand is never enough. We always go to extremes, at least i did.
To be honest… being completely clean and sober from ALL mind altering susbtances, is the easier way bcuz i can truly be free from that way of living. My mind is no longer focused on drugs and alcohol and can i begin to live life to the fullest 
Hope u stick around and post often. Glad to have u here!
Welcome to TS. That’s tiring. I can remember and feel it. An endless battle. It seemed easy from far and undoable when I actually tried to Not drink tomorrow.
It helped me so much finding likewise people here and irl who didn’t look down on me in my struggles. Who applauded me for my victories and support me through challenging situations.
It’s hard to do it alone and moderation is wasting so much energy for few minutes of relief before reality hits again. Waking up hungover.
I hope while having a look around you can relate to some stories here and continue your sober journey.
Welcome and congratulations on 3 days. Suggest recovery program such as AA. Lots of resources out there to help you on your sober journey.
Thanks! I know sobriety is the path I need to follow. Glad to have company. 
Glad to hear you have supportive people around you. I have some irl too. But I’m really happy for finding this forum so I can have support no matter time or place.
Hi and welcome here,
Hamsterwheel,
Merry go round,
Circle of disaster
A funk…
There are many words to discribe that chaotic circle. I was in there for many years.
Every day one made me hopeful for a better life with more peace of mind. Sometimes I made it to 3 months and sometimes I gave in after 3 days. All changes when I decided I needed other people around me in the same “boat” who understand my struggles.
So that’s why I’m here.
It kept me sober for many years now so come join me 
Welcome! Get really active here, it will help.
I would take a screen shot of what you just wrote…read it when you wake up, and when you go to bed.
Reach out when you need us.
Maybe a different approach have you tried any recovery programs plenty out there wish you well