So here I am again. I am angry and tired of this man child that constantly throws bitch fits and throws me out. I REALLY wanna drink but I know if I drink and big fight will start and that’s when a tornado meets a volcano …I have been in recovery from meth for almost 16 months and sober of alcohol a month now. I am considering alcohol my main DOC it was my best friend for 29 years and I went two years once sober and this time I hope it’s a lifetime . But this man is driving me to want to drink some jack and it will all go away or all get worse. It was always a toss up but only around my husband. I chose to stop drinking cuz of the consequences of my kids seeing me act like an asshole, my friends telling me how wild I was and never thought I would do the shit I do drunk, the fact that my husband exploited my alcoholism for his personal self satisfaction of bringing me to sleep with other guys in front of him while I was plastered and didn’t remember half the time what actually happened. After I went to counseling and my psychologist helped me figure out why I probably have these addictions I decided to straighten up and stop doing bad shit. When I got off meth I gave my addiction to God and he helped me through it. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here today and I wouldbt be off meth either. I would be some crazy neighbor who runs around watering sticks…and I am so thankful for HIM! So as I’m balancing out of this horrible drug I drank pretty heavy for about 6 months after my last time using meth. I went from one to the other. Now I’m stuck in this I need to drink phase but again if I give in it could mean I can go to jail or be passed out drunk and some dumb shit goes down. He’s drunk so I know he’s out of meth and on the third day of coming down and pissed at me. So my mind is telling me have a few cuz your stronger drunk than you are sober and if you gotta fight this guy again then you’re half prepared. That’s what goes through my head. I know that’s probably not normal but a lot of the times I don’t even have to say anything for him to get mad at me when he’s drunk. Sorry to rant idk if this is the best place. I know I need to leave him but I have left many times before and he found me. I was gone for 6 months and got me to come back with again false promises and lies. I really wanna drink so bad!!!
Agreed.
So next time tell him to do your dishes and then f*** off.
So you know they are false and this time you got a clean and clear head. Going back or not, is a choice.
Seriously, why are you still there with him ?
Hi there, good on you for coming clean off meth and a month off alc!
You know that the drink will keep you stuck there. If you drink again, you’ll never leave him. This also means that all the fear of leaving, the uncertainty, the doubts you have, they all weigh in with your addiction and need to escape that decision (leave or stay? For in the past you left but then also decided to come back.) and they all together call you to drink.
You know what you gotta do. Stay sober. Make a plan. Go get that better life and be free of this person. Lies are lies. You already know that. Step up for yourself and make a life you actually want to live. You can do it, but it’s got to be sober. Or nothing changes.
Good luck!
This statement assigns value to alcohol. The subconscious still believes that alcohol does something positive. It’s a lie.
This is what alcohol actually does. It doesn’t make anyone stronger, but weaker. Alcohol has no value. It has zero benefits. It’s completely worthless.
What matters is you are sober which is amazing considering all youve been through.
Easier to resist the urge to drink for just the next 12 hours than to climb back out of that hole.
It takes time but you can leave this guy and continue to heal and grow as a person. Rooting for you!
This is alot your going through, i think all in all what your describing is a constant cycle that goes around like a roundabout and always stops at the same places then keeps going around- the viscous cycle.
You really need to step out of this situation, the hardest thing is because your stuck in the cycle you cant see how damaging it is although you can see some. (I know this from experience)
I think you need to really come up woth a plan its hard to offer advice as i dont know the ins and outs like how old are your children, why has he chucked you out (Is it is home)- do you have anywhere to go and so on…
But you cant carry on like this, you deserve better and you have done brilliant with your sobriety like thats amazing and i cant imagine how difficult it has been, but your life you can make it better by taking steps to help you out this situation.
Just from what you have written if i was you i would be seeking out ways to get help if i left, what places help woman and children depending on your kids ages etc…
I hope your okay but definitely i agree with
This stuck out to me very much what @Faugxh mentions. This is part of keeping you in that cycle.
Heres a hug 
With a best friend like Alcohol, you dont need an enemy.
Keep being sober. Sobriety doesnt make a perfect world, but it helps you keep level headed to manage it.
Great job coming on here and sharing!
What you are describing is a situation where you do not have a safe, secure home for you or your children. You have been victimized by an abuser who has power because he provides you with a place to live (sometimes).
I will be praying that you are seriously working on a solid exit plan for you and your children, and that your heart is committed to making the change.
You are not alone. Sending love your way.
You are the clear one here. You could involve CPS, advise them he’s using & drinking to excess around the kids. Submit/petition for a no contact order with the local court.
Work on obtaining housing for you & yours.
The drink pushes it away from happening and your life & the kiddos’ lives are at risk every second you’re with him.
Lots of bad reasons to drink again but not one fucking good one that I know of. Hugs lady
Thank you all for your support!! I genuinely do appreciate the different perspectives that each one of you have. I am still dealing with this crap. I still walk on egg shells and he keeps picking at each one of us. He’s just super toxic to all of us. He doesn’t see what this drug is and I know what it’s like. I probably was similar but not so much towards the kids. I still feel he needs to go to rehab. He’s always angry. Or he needs away from his family which apparently we all piss him off except my youngest so far. I went and hopefully got me a job as a cook. I love to cook and enjoy it and it will help me keep my mind straight. This is so hard but it’s not. He is supposed to be the leader and provider of this family and he’s doing nothing but dragging us down deeper in debt. It’s crazy how we went from a happy family 3 months ago kinda and ended up like this. All the secrets that are unraveling and getting fed up with it all. Now I don’t wanna leave my kids around him at all alone. He can’t ever be sober or even just smoke weed. And the rare times he is sober he sleeps constantly.
We remember restless, irritable and discontent. He will be done, when he’s done.
If he’s not ready to ask for help then all we can do is hope he decides to at some point.
You, work on you and your family’s happiness. Sometimes that means the biggest of boundaries.