I’m new to this community but I quit PMO only 3 days ago. I have had attempts in the past but could only ever manage around 30 days before relapse. I started at a young age and its something thats always been with me. As I have a fantasy that can’t be performed in real life (not technologically possible), PMO became an outreach for my creativity and offered a kind of fulfilment for me. However it took more from me by eating away at my life. Exams, study, friends, jobs, time with family, interests, opportunities. I would spend hours wrapped in fantasy, those hours turned into years, years became decades, all the while the world passed me by. I even had a fiance once, a fantastic, smart, and kind woman. She wanted so much to connect with me and I always made up excuses of why I couldn’t be intimate with her, I know that she felt so unloved and untouched by me even though she had a massive heart and capacity for love. How she never cheated on me or left sooner I just dont know. I’ve tried in the past to compromise with the addiction but I have come to the realisation that there can be no co-existence. I can continue with the way things have always been or I can stop entirely and try to regain my life through pain and gritted teeth. I can’t have both.
Im curious as to what everyones reasons are for taking control of their addictions (Congrats by the way, you’re all superstars!).
Welcome! And congratulations on 3 days. I’m glad you found us.
There were a million reasons I quit drinking, but the number one reason was how much I hated myself. And every day I don’t drink, every time I fight off an urge, the prouder I am of myself.
You can reach out here when you’re struggling and you’ll find lots of support and wisdom. You can do this.
The number one reason that i need to not drink is i hurt myself and others when I black out. And I would always black out. There’s isolation and eventually death in drinking for me.
Hey there ClearH: Welcome. I am fairly new as well, totally get where you are coming from. A big turning point for me was lost time, not spending time doing practical things, or being in the outdoors or with friends or family, and many times sleep loss that results in a bad day at work. Porn I find is now aided by technology advances and its moving quick, the dopamine hit I was getting was huge, what made it worse was that it was free, private, and I could hide away, no travel required, just a good internet connection and BOOM High definition content at any level your imagination requires. Sometimes I wouldn’t blink, eyes wide open, and I don’t even want to admit this but in times gone by I have done 7hr stints, only drank coffee, wouldn’t have an appetite for food. So in amongst all that pleasure blast there was a little part in my brain that said I have to stop. I have a good job, great family, nice friends and lots of great people around me, and nobody was aware what I was up to. (well there was suspicion at times)
I also love my weekend sport and it began to suffer through sleep deprivation, so on the weekends the body wouldn’t function, my energy was low and then I’d start topping up on sugary food to keep me going.
So if you have to choose, I’d choose life, as in every day life over a screen, the screen doesn’t care but your friends, family and work colleagues do. there is so much more to do and see in life,
Thank you, it’s really helping me a lot. More so than other support groups and forums I’ve tried. It’s really interesting also to hear everyones stories. We all come from different backgrounds and lives yet we are united by the same struggles and trials.
And yes, I am now of the strong opinion that anything that has had a severe negative effect on life with an inability to control it or manage it (addiction), then it cannot continue to be present going forward. So its a commitment to a choice, one of sacrifice but prosperity, or one of comfort but despair.
I spent years denying I had an addiction, I admitted it and started fighting 1 year ago. I made my choice 4 days ago
I’ve always done this (fast forward to the consequences) but when its the heat of the moment, a part of me thinks “to hell with it” and I relapse. However now I’m starting to realise that if you know the consequences but do it anyway then it’s ultimately a choice. A choice under pressure and duress, sure, but a choice non the less.
I dont know why I feel differently about this, maybe because it puts more accountability on me for relapsing rather than feeling like I’m a victim of circumstance. I’m not entirely sure, but it’s certainly eye opening for me.
