I ended a relationship of almost 6 months this past February, and my unhappiness near the end was a significant factor in my worsening substance dependency. I really cared for and loved this person, but once I started realizing that it was becoming emotionally manipulative it only went downhill. She had bad anxiety so it wasn’t uncommon for me to feel incredibly nervous about bringing up certain things that I thought might upset her, or even feeling like I had to water myself down to make her comfortable.
I’m only now starting to process and unpack everything that happened. I ended things with her, and the way she responded was so hurtful and immature. But I had no idea what to believe because she was telling me all these horrible things about myself at the same time. I questioned a lot about myself in the following weeks. Even now I do it sometimes. The way it ended was unfair, and left me feeling so unresolved. Maybe that’s what they wanted, whether consciously or unconsciously - it doesn’t matter.
I wanted to share this in case anyone can empathize, or has any words of advice. It’s been my biggest and mightiest trigger. And I refuse to let it win, but it’s still really hard. I know all I can do is let time pass, but I want to let go already.
I can fully empathise with the self-questioning and self-doubt brought about by negative speak towards you.
Mine was not relationship based, it was actually in my employment, I went thru two jobs where I was bullied, made to feel inadequate, small, had my integrity and skill set questioned … I’m really good at what I do and have years of experience and expertise, but that doubt still affected me to the point that I started applying for much lower wage jobs outside of my skill set… Thank goodness I didn’t get any of them. I eventually returned to a previous employer whom welcomed me with open arms. I have had positive feedback and am a respected worker here.
It’s amazing how much negative talk towards us can affect our self esteem and also cloud our judgement. I look back at that time and think how wrong they got me and how bullying they were, I can also see the reasons why they did it, their character types, their stomping on others to get themselves higher attitudes. It’s gross.
My advice is rise above it and move on. If anything it proves you’ve made an excellent choice.
What I see is that you ended the relationship. I give you credit for that and within 6 months. I wish I could have done that in my life. And that I had been more proactive to change jobs where there was more bullying and disrespect. Unfortunately, I retired and had very negative feelings for a few years before that achievement. It really soured my outlook and took a while to look at the positive aspects of my career. But life goes on and the program of recovery has helped.
