Welcome back.
That would have been super hard, I can imagine the situation very well.
What are some of the things that worked for you during those first few months when you got 4 years clean?
How did you get through the first couple weeks? ( they are the toughest I find.)
I spent a lot of time reading on this forum, listening to recovery podcasts, doing art work, getting fresh air…
There is a check in thread that is quite active it’s a good spot to post if you’re having some strong urges. Check in there as many times a day as needed.