I love that book
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I need to read that daily
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Well said; a process. Little by little I look and listen. Yes to running off a lot and getting tea. This time, I am learning to stay. It’s not easy.
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I dare to say it’s a job for a life time.
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What a delight to take leave of the ‘stories’. Loosely factual, largely fabricated stories about me, about others. How exhausting it is to create them. How little I actually know about the person. How arrogant to think I have them figured out. It’s not mean-spirited, it’s fearful. It’s a compulsion to quell uncertainty, so that things are rational, secure and make sense. But it never works out that way. Because I make assumptions! . The stories are so full of holes…why create them?
With compassion to myself, I can catch this. It hurts me. I’m just afraid and I want answers. And I only have .002 percent of the information, so I feel compelled to make a ‘story’. Do I know this person does not have a brain tumor, a dying relative, something heartbreaking going on? I don’t think of that when the story is created. It’s more comforting to me to cast them as a villain. Yes, hurt was caused. I left the situation. I can leave it there and stay open to others instead of shutting down. This is hard work, resisting the urge to create a story that explains the pain.
An idea today is to try and let go. So much will never be known. Or even need to be known. Deep breath - let go.
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I am stuck, and I realize this…opened up to this jem.
From, The Places that scare you
“Acknowledging that we are all churned up is the first and most difficult step in any practice. Without compassionate recognition that we’re stuck, it’s impossible to liberate ourselves from confusion. “Doing something different” is anything that interrupts our ancient habit of tenaciously indulging in our emotions. We do anything to cut the strong tendency to spin out. We can let the story line go and connect with the underlying energy or do any of the bodhichitta practices introduced in this book. Anything that’s nonhabitual will do—even sing and dance or run around the block. We do anything that doesn’t reinforce our crippling habits. The third difficult practice is to then remember that this is not something we do just once or twice. Interrupting our destructive habits and awakening our heart is the work of a lifetime.”
Nothing I don’t know. @Lighter. Thank you for showing this book…decided to us it today. I give oit this advice, partially followed it Sunday. Sometimes I get stuck drinking the “chores and hobbies dont get us sober”. I need to get my mind going in a different direction. I thinl i need to make sure tomorrow, on my day off…i give my mind a change of scenery
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Changed the title. This is not a “me” thread. Its a “we” thread.
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There are no quick fixes for the pain. No numbing will work. But abandoning the ‘why’ will help me. With the limited information I have about a person and a situation, I can draw a few conclusions and can easily determine that’s it’s unsafe for me to be around that person. But that’s it. No story.
(‘Wait, that’s all? But what about why they harm people? It’s horrible. Why was I a target and not someone else? What’s wrong with me? Did I bring this on myself somehow? But why are they so sadistic? They must be stopped…’. )And soon I am a shaking mess, and that night I relive it in my dreams. I need another approach.
Yes it was awful. Yes I am far away from it now. Yes the person is probably very sick. It affected me a lot but now I’m free. Those simple facts are enough. No stories . I will try not to carry shame or anger about it. It will rise up, but has no power to do anything to me. I let it leave. Return to peace.
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Why is #3 a struggle. There are some days it still trips me up.
from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“The slogan “Train in the three difficulties” gives us instruction on how to practice, how to interrupt our habitual reactions. The three difficulties are (1) acknowledging our neurosis as neurosis, (2) doing something different, and (3) aspiring to continue practicing this way.”
Start reading this book for free: The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearl... - Kindle
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Sitting with this today
from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“Our patterns are well established, seductive, and comforting. Just wishing for them to be ventilated isn’t enough. Those of us who struggle with this know. Awareness is the key. Do we see the stories that we’re telling ourselves and question their validity? When we are distracted by a strong emotion, do we remember that it is our path? Can we feel the emotion and breathe it into our hearts for ourselves and everyone else? If we can remember to experiment like this even occasionally, we are training as a warrior. And when we can’t practice when distracted but know that we can’t, we are still training well. Never underestimate the power of compassionately recognizing what’s going on.”
Start reading this book for free: The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearl... - Kindle
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Thanks for this.
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That part really stuck out to me too.
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from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“Sometimes the way we see our ignorance is by getting feedback from the outside world. Others can be extremely helpful in showing us our blind spots. Particularly if they cause us to wince, we’d be wise to pay attention to their insights and criticism. But ultimately, we are the ones who know what’s happening in our hearts and minds. We’re the only ones who hear our internal conversations, who know when we withdraw or feel inspired. When we begin to train we see that we’ve been pretty ignorant about what we’re doing. First, we see that we are rarely able to relax into the present moment. Second, we see that we’ve fabricated all kinds of strategies to avoid staying present, particularly when we’re afraid that whatever’s happening will hurt. We also see our strong belief that if only we could do everything right, we’d be able to find a safe, comfortable, and secure place to spend the rest of our lives.”
Start reading this book for free: The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearl... - Kindle
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What gave me a moment of pause today
from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“We can’t expect always to catch ourselves spinning off into a habitual reaction. But as we begin to catch ourselves more frequently and work with interrupting our habitual patterns, we know that the bodhichitta training is seeping in. Our desire to help not just ourselves but all sentient beings will slowly grow. So in all activities, not just sometimes when things are going well or are particularly bad, train with the bodhichitta slogans of Atisha. But remember, “Don’t try to be the fastest,” “Abandon any hope of fruition,” and “Don’t expect applause”!”
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Never heard of those. Reading about them a bit now. Thanks Scott.
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This book, atleast the chapter I am on has a bunch of them. Might be a good read for you if you get a chance.
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A gem I needed to read this morning. Thank you.
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Just found this:
https://judylief.com/offerings/slogans-of-atisha/
Interesting to me. As are her podcasts on the same website. No idea how long I’ll keep my interest (as I lost it many times before) but will see.
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I get the holding intrest part. I have about 5 books I am reading. I will get bored of one, then picl up another.
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I think that was my mantra as an active alcoholic, and to behonest, it has followed me afterwards. I have gotten better at letting go, and looking at things from avove them. I guess it is what makes us human.
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