Recovery Dharma Thread

Life in Recovery
655

There’s a paradox here that has me thinking and wondering. An example from my experience work today: I’m talking to some guys. We have a nice conversation, me trying to convey how I see recovery, by telling something about my own journey, about general principles of honesty, of changing your mind and heart, about how it’s work but a work of love. Basically the principles I’ve tried to convey on this site for the last 5 years and that are the basis for my personal journey of discovery. And that I find now right here in this thread and in Dharma Recovery meetings.

These guys like my story, maybe one even has a little bit of an eye opener, I don’t know but one can hope. Then they lose interest and the continue with their own train of thought. And there’s so much prejudice there, and aggression, and passion. So many misguided thoughts and ideas, sexism, homophobia, misogyny, racism. So much resentment. And I feel hopeless, and helpless, and scared to speak up because I feel it won’t do any good but at the same time I’m also scared for speaking up for my principles, scared to reveal stuff about my sexual and gender identity. And all I can do is either walk away or get angry and fight. And I walk away.

And I find it hard (here’s the paradox) to understand how it’s possible to practice the four limitless qualities and at the same time not stand up for what is right and fair, with passion. It seems these writings and ideas teach me to try to not stand up for what I feel is right. To do what I’ve done so many times: to hide myself, to cower in fear, to walk away, to either freeze, flee or fawn.

Well, at the least I’m thinking about it. Thanks Scott.

2 Likes
656

@Mno … i think it ismportant to speak our story and our viewpoint. However, we …in my opinion cannot get wrapped up where: 1) speaking up is our identity, 2) we get lost and aggrivated when someone doesnt hear us.

I can see examples of both 1 and 2 here.

Dont know if my 2 cents helped any.

1 Like
657

In good old redneck…what i meant to say…you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.

As recovered addicts/alcoholics…its important to lead the “horse”. If they decide to “drink the water” is up to them

1 Like
658

That’s true for sure But that’s not quite what I’m talking about, or am trying to talk about anyway. It’s more about myself (as usual). It’s more about am I doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, or am I doing the wrong thing for the right reasons? It’s thought provoking for sure.

2 Likes
659

Gotcha! All we can do is the next right thing. If that means speaking passionately about what makes you…you…and whats important to you. Then, speak passionately.

One thing I know about you, is your words come from your heart.

1 Like
660

I believe a good start is to learn to stay with the current moment. Experience it. You don’t have to decide how to act if you don’t know how to. To know how to act you have to know the current moment.
I’m not sure I’m making sense :person_shrugging:t2:

3 Likes
661

Far better advice than mine… @Mno i change what I said to @acromouse !!

1 Like
662

Slow day at work…thought the following article was interesting

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/what-is-a-human/202408/the-many-facets-of-the-self

4 Likes
663

The most interesting concept that I’ve been holding onto lately is that

Thoughts need consciousness, but consciousness does NOT need thoughts.

Ekhardt Tolle.

Less thoughts and more inner conscious living is freedom.

3 Likes
664

@Hopelo maybe a new idea somewhere in this thread

1 Like
665

from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -

“Even though we start this practice with the aspiration for ourselves or our loved ones to be free of suffering, it may feel as if we’re just mouthing words. Even this compassionate wish for those nearest to us may feel phony. But as long as we’re not deceiving ourselves, this pretending has the power to uncover bodhichitta. Even though we know exactly what we feel, we make the aspirations in order to move beyond what now seems possible. After we practice for ourselves and those near us, we stretch even further: we send goodwill toward the neutral people in our lives and also to the people we don’t like.”

Start reading this book for free: The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearl... - Kindle

There is so much here, that i have been currently feeling. I needed to read this

2 Likes
666

I really love this share from Sharon Salzberg…letting go of expectation and the beauty of beginner’s mind…

"When I first began studying with the Burmese master Sayadaw U Pandita, I had been practicing meditation for 14 years. He was a powerful teacher with a rigorous pedagogy, requiring that each student meet with him one-on-one six days a week for interviews to describe our meditation experiences to him. Nervous and not sure what to expect from the interviews, I resolved that I would take notes after each of my meditations so that I could describe my experience precisely.

During our first interview, I shared everything I remembered (and had written down) about one of my meditation sittings. U Pandita nodded and said, “Well, in the beginning it can be like that.” A one-sentence response, and that was the end of the interview.

To my disappointment, each of our subsequent interviews followed a similar pattern. I’d come in fully prepared to describe a revelatory meditation sitting or a horrible one (or anything in between), and he would give me the consistent but frustrating reply, “Well, in the beginning it can be like that.”

The beginning? ! I’d think to myself. I’ve been practicing for 14 years!

I couldn’t stand the fact that U Pandita thought of me as “at the beginning.” How could he not sense my progress? These feelings of resentment persisted until one day something clicked.

During my previous years living in India, I had been conceiving of my meditation practice in terms of progress. I knew that I was diligent and consistent, and thought I was doing well. I was on the right track toward enlightenment, or something, and wanted to hear that my efforts and perseverance were “paying off.” It’s no surprise that U Pandita’s constant references to my being a “beginner” made me annoyed. I was so obsessed with a goal-oriented way of thinking.

But U Pandita’s words were definitely not meant to invalidate me. I know now that I was simply choosing to let my insecurity dictate my response to him. I was reading negativity in the idea of what it means to be a “beginner.”

Over time, his response invited me to realize the challenge of choice that faces us in terms of how we respond to anything in life — whether in meditation, at work, in our relationships. If we make a commitment to living in the present moment, we are always “at the beginning” of whatever it is we are doing, constantly presented with thoughts, judgments, observations, and/or sensations that interrupt up us amidst our daily activities. The challenge is in the choice to accept these things and simply “begin” again, returning to the present moment, or to grip tightly to some idea of what we should be doing and flood ourselves with judgment in the process.

Many people, myself included, come to meditation with an initial expectation of immediate clarity and peace. We anticipate nirvana, filled with white light and an overwhelming sense of freedom. Contrary to these beliefs, meditation takes effort, a word most of us associate with burden. But the effort we make in meditation is not harsh and fueled by feelings of self-loathing or pressure. It’s an unrestrained willingness to “stick it out,” to recognize our ability to feel a sense of freedom through the act of accepting what is."

3 Likes
667

Thank you for the share. I will be re-reading that all say long!

1 Like
668

This part really spoke to me!!

2 Likes
669

What i am sitting with today

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -

“It might feel like stretching into make-believe to say, “May this person who is driving me crazy enjoy happiness and be free of suffering.” Probably what we genuinely feel is anger. This practice is like a workout that stretches the heart beyond its current capabilities. We can expect to encounter resistance. We discover that we have our limits: we can stay open to some people, but we remain closed to others. We see both our clarity and our confusion. We are learning firsthand what everyone who has ever set out on this path has learned: we are all a paradoxical bundle of rich potential that consists of both neurosis and wisdom.”

Start reading this book for free: The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearl... - Kindle

5 Likes
670

from “The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -

“Aspiration practice is different from making affirmations. Affirmations are like telling yourself that you are compassionate and brave in order to hide the fact that secretly you feel like a loser. In practicing the four limitless qualities, we aren’t trying to convince ourselves of anything, nor are we trying to hide our true feelings. We are expressing our willingness to open our hearts and move closer to our fears. Aspiration practice helps us to do this in increasingly difficult relationships”

Start reading this book for free: The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearl... - Kindle

2 Likes
671

Oh boy. That one hit the target :rofl:

1 Like
672

It was like it was written for me!

673

For me it’s not even a secret. So far my mind starts to giggle when I try affirmations. I’m learning lots though. No reason to stop now.

4 Likes
674

@Tan_ya

Maybe this will be helpful.

1 Like