"Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book p. 20
The recovery success rate in early AA was over 75%, but the success rate now is less than 5%. There are many reasons they were more successful in the beginning of AA, but one was the utter and complete commitment they had to helping others. In early AA, they would literally go to any lengths to help other alcoholics. Today, we are still committed to helping others, but that dedication is not nearly the same level. We can never minimize or partially ignore that the basic foundation of our program is one alcoholic helping another. All aspects of the program are important, but none is as vital as this basic proposition. Helping others is the key to a happy and serene life, and the benefits far exceed just staying sober. Working with another is the best way to insure our immunity from drinking, but it is also the best way to get out of “the bondage of self.” I feel so blessed to have the honor of helping others, for it has brought me some of the greatest satisfactions in life. I hope I never lose the motivation to reach out to newcomers and others, because I know that my life truly depends on it.
"Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn’t quite belong."
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90
So many alcoholics have shared that they weren’t comfortable in their own skin, or that they felt deep loneliness. We could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. We later learn that this emptiness, the hole in our gut so to speak, was a spiritual void in our lives. One of the great attractions of our fellowship is that our common bond seems to break down those barriers that used to prevent us from connecting with others. I now know in my heart of hearts that I never have to be alone ever again. If I stay close to the program, I will always have access to a sanctuary of love, care, and kindness. The second I reach out to another alcoholic, I get a meaningful sense of belonging. Immediate trust is built knowing that we are both on the same journey of sobriety, enlightenment, and becoming a better person. I know that I have been truly blessed to have become a recovering member of this fellowship; a fellowship that has filled my once lonely heart with peace, serenity, love, and tolerance.
"Peace is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present you will never find it."–Thomas Merton
We get sober one day at a time, but we live life one moment at a time. All we really have is right here, right now. What happened in the past is unchangeable; no matter how hard we try, we can’t change the past. It’s pointless to worry about the past, and if we do, we are only taking away from today. The most we can possibly hope for when it comes to the past, is to see it as a learning experience and to try to find some level of acceptance. Sadly, we are all hard wired to wallow in guilt, shame and regret, so it takes a continual conscious effort to find that essential acceptance and subsequent peace with what we did or said. The same is true about worry of the future. Worrying about the future doesn’t take away tomorrow’s difficulties, it takes away today’s happiness. When we let our minds wander away from today, we are surely going to miss the small blessings life has to offer. Each moment in life presents us with opportunities to learn and grow. Being in the moment can give us much needed clarity and a chance for us to pay ourselves a friendly visit each day. We can’t be good to ourselves if we aren’t present to be there to receive “the gift.” When we plant ourselves in today, life itself has an opportunity to become a spiritual experience. With the help of the fellowship, I hope I never miss another beautiful moment, loving experience, or God’s grace.
Good stuff my friend.
All of our books are full of quotes about loneliness. I tell guys all the time that we feel loneliness like no other. As alcoholics, It infects us. And the paradox is that we feel loneliness and so we isolate even further
"God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~
A sound bite I have often heard at meetings is that “All the answers are in the book.” I too believed this in early sobriety, but as I gained more life experiences and came across other people with complex mind issues, I learned that outside help was critical for some. I now cringe when I hear others share disparagingly about antidepressants or other similarly prescribed medicines. That’s the kind of sharing that could drive someone to suicide, and we should be very cautious before we overrule the advice of another’s medical doctor. Instead, we should embrace our founders counsel on page 133 (also mentioned on page 134), and we should provide love and support to our fellow members that suffer from a chemical imbalance or other condition that causes their mental health issue. We have buried too many A.A. friends that lost their battle to depression or other psychological hardships, so we know that these afflictions are crippling and deadly to some in our meetings. Mental health issues are real and possibly fatal, so we should go out of our way to support those in need.
I love this thread @Edmund, Thank You you’re July 10th quote and comment reminds me of a quote by the late Dr Wayne Dyer, that I TRY to live my life by. Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, not how you think it “should” be. These words hold so much truth and wisdom for me
"You don’t help anyone by trying to impress them; you impress someone when you try to help them."
August 1982, A.A. Grapevine
For years, many of us sat on a barstool or couch reliving the glory days or embellishing on trivial accomplishments of our past. What we were really doing was trying to cover up our insecurities with false impressions. Endlessly, we chased praise and acknowledgement from others, but we could never reach anything near enough to cover our underlying shame of whom we had become. Then we walk into the rooms of AA, and we find that what matters most is how much we can help each other. In life, we look back to learn from our mistakes, we look forward with encouragement and hope, but look to today to find those endless opportunities to help another. Our kindness and caring for others is done without expecting anything in return, and by any measure, this is truly remarkable. Someone asked me recently when I crossed the line into loving, not mistrusting others. After reflection, I realized it was when I committed to complete honesty and regularly helping others. When we help others, our God consciousness elevates and the magic begins.
"To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him. Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.” - Thomas Merton
What if you woke up today with only those things you thanked God for yesterday? What would you have? The Higher Power I believe in needs no thanks, but he does shed a tear for us when we sit in self pity and can’t find gratitude in life. Gratitude is one of the greatest emotions God has given us to fully appreciate all the blessings life has to offer. Thankfully, writing a daily gratitude list has become common practice for us in the program, especially for those that are new to this journey of discovery. The mere act of accepting and realizing gratitude is usually enough to redirect a negative mindset. I am so appreciative that the program has taught me to try and find gratitude in the small things in life. There are always things and moments we can be grateful; however, we need to lift the barriers of the negative alcoholic mind to get there. Being grateful can alter your entire perspective and attitude about the way we look and feel about God’s universe. Life is about choices; today, I choose to accept, realize, and feel the warmth of gratitude.
"On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 86
This passage is one that I hold dear to my heart, and is a quiet prayer I say to myself every day. It reminds me to live in today and to take my Higher Power with me throughout the day. I do little things like thanking God for my sobriety whenever I see any coin, or leaving each door open a little longer so my Higher Power can come in with me. Small reminders of His presence keep me right sized throughout the day. The “On Awakening” prayer also reminds me that self-pity is one of my major character defects. If I let self-pity linger in my thoughts and emotions, it can become debilitating and a dark shadow on everything in my existence. This prayer also emphasizes that rigorous self-honesty is the key to life and freedom from so many negative emotions. Lastly, this prayer cautions me that “self” is the root of all my potential conflicts with my fellows, as well as a significant spiritual blockage. Today, when I ask God to direct my thinking, I know that it will guide me through whatever challenge unfolds before me.
MORNING PRAYER
God, direct my thinking today so that it may be empty of self-pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking and fear. God, inspire my thinking, decisions and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God, show me what I need to do to take care of my problems. I asked all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man. In the spirit of the steps I pray. Amen.
(Derived from page 86 of the big book)
"I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.”
As Bill Sees It, p. 37
A sense of gratitude can greatly influence every aspect of our life. When in a mindset of appreciation, our entire attitude and perspective are impacted in a positive way. “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you’re miserable to practice gratitude. When practicing appreciation of what we have, things that used to bother us, don’t bother us as much, or not at all. Where we used to find fault, we now find the good, no matter how small. It is so interesting that we can change our lives so dramatically through simple gratitude. Not only does a positive attitude change us personally, it influences all those we come in contact. A smile is contagious, and a kind word can be just enough to bring someone out of a bad mood or dark place. As we feel grateful, we exude a spirit of hope and promise. Gratitude helps us find love and to feel its blessings at a deeper level, just as expressing love helps us see and feel thankful. It’s hard for me to imagine the shallow life I had before the program that was so void of appreciation of the small blessings in life. Today, I choose to focus on gratitude and caring, rather than misery or self pity. What we think upon, grows!
Thank you for taking the time to read the thread @emc2018 I hope it helps. Dr. Wayne Dyer was an incredible human being. Read several of his books. Wishing you abundant peace and serenity in your journey of sobriety.
Yes, Thomas Merton was an incredible person that I hold near and dear to my heart. A brilliant scholar and theologian. I will have many more quotes from Thomas Merton in the days and weeks, hopefully months to come.
My pleasure and thank you @Bootz for taking the time to read these posts. I hope they help you obtain a sense of peace and serenity in your sobriety my friend. Gratefully humble to do what I do.
I also wanted you to know @Bootz that I have another post called “Daily Reflections in Recovery.” That one though is directly out of the A. A. Daily Reflections book. Nothing added or taken away from it.
This post “Recovery quote of the day” is more personal to me. I find a quote that I relate to, that grabs my attention and then I share my thoughts and what I have learned in recovery concerning it. I feel like a proud papa. It’s my baby and a pleasure to share. Enjoy my friend.
"I spent most of my life worrying about myself, thinking that I was unwanted, that I was unloved. I’ve learned since being in AA that the more I worry about me loving you, and the less I worry about you loving me, the happier I’ll be. . . I have learned that the more I give, the more I will have; the more I learn to give, the more I learn to live.”
Experience, Strength and Hope, p. 218
In early sobriety, my first sponsor gave me Chuck C’s book, “New Pair of Glasses.” I was enthralled by this simple book that was transcribed from a series of AA pitches at a men’s retreat. One of the things that absolutely stood out in my mind was Chuck C’s description of walking into a room and not caring what others thought of him; what was important was what he thought of them, and that he loved them. The moment I read that and gave it some reflection, that became a primary goal in recovery and life. For far too long, I was a prisoner to “people pleasing,” rather than finding my own truths that eventually led to being accepting of myself. I was given the key to finding a confidence I had never experienced. I’m so pleased that I took that journey towards incredible freedom. I’m still a work in progress, but there are many days that I go to a meeting, and get overwhelmed by the love I feel for those in the fellowship. When that occurs, I am completely free of caring about what you think of me. The more I commit to helping others, the more I gain this sense of love and freedom. I no longer try to love to be loved. Love should never be conditional; being able to love another is the true gift. I can’t help but think, “I almost missed this!”
"So it is necessary for all of us to accept whatever positive gifts we receive with a deep humility, always bearing in mind that our negative attitudes were first necessary as a means of reducing us to such a state of that we would be ready for a gift of the positive ones via the conversion experience. Your own alcoholism and the immense deflation that finally resulted are indeed the foundation upon which your spiritual experience rests."
Accepting God’s Gifts, As Bill Sees It, p. 168
Because we tore ourselves down so completely and lost virtually everything of value in our lives, then, and only then, could we fully appreciate the gift of sobriety and all the other blessings life has to offer. So many of us took things for granted or were completely oblivious before we received the gift of desperation. When we are able to wake up from the nightmare of active alcoholism, our perspective thankfully changes to one of deep gratitude and an appreciation of living free of addiction, which also includes the gift of calming the storm of the alcoholic mind. As we continue to shed our spiritual blockages (steps 4-10), our humility and gratitude grows to the point of a much deeper consciousness and connection with God. If we open our hearts and allow it, our overwhelming gratitude for life can open the door for limitless spiritual experiences. I never would have thought that I needed to go through hell to get to a place of peace and serenity, but this was the path I had to take. Whatever calamity, challenge or disappointment besets us, it had to happen just that way in order to get to whom and where we are today.
"We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up. Sometimes we had to search persistently, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book, p.55
When I came into the program the first time, my reservations about religion became an excuse for me to go back to drinking. My disease was lying in wait ready to take advantage of my closed off mind. I had to live the nightmare for two more years before I was beaten down enough to be “willing to believe.” So many other alcoholics will suffer or die for this very reason. I’ve always identified with our saying - I came; I came to; I came to believe. The vast majority of those of us that succeed in this fellowship have opened their minds to other possibilities and developed a deep faith in God. For me, the process took years to fully develop and required a lot of spiritual research and reading, but I am so glad that I took the pilgrimage to a greater enlightenment. Some things have to be believed to be seen! The passage on page 55, “Sometimes we had to search persistently, but he was there,” resonated with me and inspired me to look deeper into my own consciousness. I was also inspired by the happiness and sense of peace in those in the program that had a deep faith in God. The “Great Reality” truly is deep down within us all, we just have to be open minded and stop fighting an undeniable enlightenment that will enrich and save our lives.
"The alcoholic slip is not a symptom of a psychotic condition. There’s nothing screwy about it at all. The patient simply didn’t follow directions."
William Silkworth, MD, January 1947
We hear “keep coming back” at every meeting, either in the shares or at the end of our closing prayer. I’ve always appreciated that we live in a program that doesn’t shoot its wounded, but I fear we give our disease a loophole to take us out. For those that completely commit to this process, they belong to the 2B club – I’ll “B” here when you leave, and I’ll “B” here when you come back. We also say, “It works, if you work it,” but we merely pay lip service to this critical principle. To maintain sobriety, it is vital that we accept that this is a program of action. It’s not for those that need it or want it, it is for those that “do it.” If our disease is centered in our mind, then recovery is centered in our feet! The path is crystal clear as outlined in the Big Book, and it really just comes down to playing a game of follow the leader. Despite the precise and concise instructions, so many of us slack off and end up slipping. We don’t have to make slipping part of our recovery, and we certainly don’t need to improve our stories. Quite simply, to stay sober, it is essential that we commit to and follow a set of clear cut instructions and steps as outlined in our book, one day at a time.
"As drinking alcoholics, we all ran from life and toward death. When we join AA, we reverse the process - we give ourselves to life as it is, rather than as we would like it to be."
February 1973, Self-Pity Can Kill, Best of Grapevine, Volume 1
Before I got sober, I was in a living hell and felt trapped to a life of misery. I couldn’t stop drinking, and I couldn’t keep living the way I was living. To me, the only way to free me of that mental pain was to check out of life. When I walked through the doors of AA, it truly was a matter of life or death. At that time, I didn’t know what was keeping me from checking out, which would have been a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I now know that this was to be one of many spiritual experiences in my early sobriety. It was quite clear to me that AA saved my life. My new life truly began that first day I stopped drinking. Every story has an ending, but in life, every ending is a new beginning. Because I see the program as choosing life over death, I have great appreciation for the fellowship and take it very seriously. I still have fun and practice rule 62, “Don’t take yourself so damn seriously,” but I always keep one eye on the fact that someone in the room is hurting and needs to hear the solution to their living nightmare. Because I never forget, I too was once enthralled in a living nightmare.
