So I’ve been sober for 1 year 4 months 24 days. I think back to the time when I was drinking heavily I tried AA numerous times and even therapy I had friends stage an intervention I knew my life was out of control and I was spiraling down a rabbit hole I knew was going to end badly drinking cost me a lot and I wasn’t able to stop; then I got a bruise on my leg my girlfriend said I needed to go get checked it looked like it could possibly be a blood clot; so I went to the urgent care to get looked at and they noticed my feet and legs were swollen they told me I needed to go to the emergency room now so off I went. They ran tests did ultrasounds and got a history from me I was in the hospital for 3 days they came back with the diagnosis that I had end stage liver disease when I was discharged they were basically sending me home to die thinking I wouldn’t stop drinking; I walked out of that hospital and I haven’t touched alcohol since I haven’t been to AA, or therapy or any support groups it’s almost like when I left the hospital a switch flipped in my head and I just gave it up; what I don’t understand is why when I tried so many times before when I could have rebounded my life from it and I tried multiple times that I could never do it and then I walk out of the hospital after it’s already too late and I had lost so much that I just said nope I’m done with it and haven’t looked back. I guess my depression has been getting to me a lot more lately I still don’t have any desire to turn back to alcohol (thankfully) but I find myself reflecting a lot more lately and I feel kind of lost.
You know I feel like all of us have hit a rock bottom to make us quit. I should have many times before like you, but didn’t until my husband was about to leave. That was my rock bottom. Yours was your life.
It’s okay. We all have different rock bottoms. My first husband hit his and lost his life. You hit yours and knew you had to change.
I will say AA is more about the emotional stuff and might be something to try again. The not drinking part is on you - it’s more getting down to those answers. There are other groups similar to it too. Maybe it’s time to try again, even if you are sober?
But it’s not over yet! End stage liver failure is bad and terminal eventually but people can live for years with medications to help them. I know liver transplants aren’t normally given to drinkers but if you tell them and show them (with lab work, surely your liver enzymes have gotten better in a year) that you aren’t drinking maybe you can get on the transplant list. Every day that you don’t drink allows your liver to heal a bit more. I’m sorry you are feeling down lately
Hey Tom.
Well done on 1 year and 5 months.
I can totally relate to where you are coming from.
It is not unusual for me to have days where I feel lost and unsure but I have learned or have come to understand, that it is just life and that it is ok.
Initially, I chalked everything (good bad, etc…mostly bad…) up to my alcoholism. Now when I’m having “feelings” I stop and give it some thought.
Why am I feeling this way…?
Unless something significant has occurred my “feelings” are perfectly normal and life is just happening.
I give myself some grace and move on with the understanding that everything will be ok.
So far, in my experience, everything has been ok. 
You’re story is motivation thank you for sharing ive been drinking again i relasped and now im trying to stop but it cost me my place to live my relationship i feel do dam depressed lately working and trying to find a place to live but proud of you…i never understood why is it when we lost it all we want to change …addiction is a crazy thing…
Thank you for this. I’m glad you quit when you did. Maybe sharing this story will help with your depression, it definitely helped me to read it. Keep up the good work. 
I’m listening to hear you, not to reply with my drivel. I have loads of regrets and why me scenarios.
When I feel like that I spend time exercising mindfulness. Just being present for this moment. Not yesterday or tomorrow. After all those are just memories and imaginations, today can’t be bothered with such things. Imagine yourself like a river, always moving forward…
So much good in this post.
You sound very normal and very human. I have no idea how or why you quit when you did, but I do believe you received a great gift for doing so. I quit (finally) seven months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I know with great confidence that my drinking led to me getting breast cancer. I’m cancer free now and have never been better. It’s OK to try new things as you get more and more sober time under your belt. There’s a lot of great people in the sobriety community that would love to hear your story and share theirs with you. I hope you are feeling well and your doctor is taking good care of you.