My wife and I were having a conversation, she has helped me so much and has committed to being sober with me. She asked me a question and I just went off on my own rant lol
She has started seeing the effects of alcohol on our lives too!
Her: is it wierd I feel happier not spending money, I don’t even want clothe or anything
Me:shopping clothes and meaningless consumer products from amazon… its all meant for us to buy and consume. and we are trying to get out of the grip of this culture and all we need is to see the light on the other side cause its so much brighter being one with us and using only what we need and to produce everything from within. like happiness and sadness and knowledge and humility.
This is something im starting to understand for myself.
I try to think WHY i drank a lot and let it get so bad. At first i liked it cause it was fun with friends, then at some point it became, oh this is what adults do and im having funds more and more on weekdays, then it would be doing it anytime anyone would come over. I dont necessarily i was trying to hide a problem or issue in my mind (perhaps i was) but it didnt start that way. Then, i kept drinking, cause drinking culture was getting brighter and more appealing with more friends and more parties. at some point it turned into oh no one wants to hang on a tuesday, fuck it ill grab some beers or a bottle and watch the hockey game. Then it became: fuck im tried from work, i would love to just relax and have a bit of fun from this uptight job. then it became: Fuck i need a drink to forget all the stupid shit ive done over the years BECAUSE of my drinking. Then it became: Fuck i wont be able to work today until i have a drink cause i feel like shit.
And then rock bottom.
I know ive used alcohol as a crutch sometimes in the past on occasion, but that spiraled quickly as, alcohol will let you forget your trauma or shame. I didnt think i needed anyone. But now i do. Thank you my love, you saved my life, i am sober for you and our family and the future.