I started using pills 8 years ago. For 2 years I was really bad. I don’t remember half of 2015, any of 2016 or 2017. I also lost my best friend to heroin in 2016 and my ex boyfriend to Xanax/alcohol related crash in 2017. That might affect my memory or maybe made my drug use more intense. I got clean from pills, changed my life around, then in 2018 I lost my grandma. We were really close. Now I’m sitting here thinking how that last few years of her life I was high on pills. I was sitting in a basement doing NOTHING when I could have been making memories. I know I was irritated and not myself the last year’s she was with us. I just regret so much. Pills took a lot of my life away. I turned to drinking almost every day from 2018-March 20th 2021
I feel better about myself from not drinking and staying sober. I just hate myself for not being able to change the past or how I feel about the past. I just miss my grandma. I miss how life used to be.
5 Likes
You have to forgive yourself otherwise you won’t be able to make memories now and live your life in the present. It’s very hard, but without acceptance and forgiveness you lock yourself into your past - you paralyze yourself, this time not by pills but by staring backwards, and you won’t be present in others’ and your own life. Don’t judge and punish yourself, don’t identify yourself with that chapter of your life. You have to let the past go, so that you can live free.
