Relapse #7

My first post here. I’ve dipped in and out of this app, never quite sure how to wade in and become part of the ecosystem but now, now I must try.

I have lost another week of productivity. I have relapsed AGAIN after 24 days of being clean, 6 weeks of being sober. Everything was going so well until my two housemates went away for the weekend. I had the house to myself. Like a kid 30 years my junior I resurrected my gay sex app, got online, found drugs, spent money i didnt have and here I am, 5 days later, broke and feeling so, so stupid. Whats more, I have TWO interviews today which I did not know about before and now am shitting myself that I’ve gone and fucked up any chance of getting my life back on track. Will I pull them off? Will I sound like a meth head?? I lost a great job at Xmas thanks to being an addict. I lost an opportunity with a great company a month ago because I’d been using the day before my 2nd interview.

It seems like I’m hijacking anything good in my life. Friends (what are they?), work? Progress. At this rate I might as well jump in front of a bus for I am not prepared to live like I am. I’m a pathetic shell of what I was.


Hugs! Sounds like a lot to deal with. For now, just do the interviews the best you can. Then try to think longterm. There is a thread for new people, if u go to the magnifying glass and search “new for 2020” (I will also try to cut and paste). So many of us on here have also messed up numerous times. U r not alone. And u are not pathetic, you are worthy of a better life, but u will have work to get it. We are all working here to get it.


Thank you so much. You’ve certainly helped me gain some perspective. This self-limiting behaviour has to STOP!

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Thanks for linking it! My tech skills are not so great :joy:

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I wouldn’t go to the interviews if I was coming down off a meth bender. Especially with no sleep or food. Employers are pretty cluey. And if you feel shit now - wait till you have some sober prick staring at you and asking 20 questions.

If it were me, I’d politely ask to reschedule using some pathetic excuse and hope for the best. Stay home, eat, sleep, call a friend, drink water, vitamin C, magnesium, shower and freshen up. Then you will be well rested and presentable for your interview.

Don’t rush in there. First impressions matter.

Remember too that you’re not alone. I stayed home smoking meth “enjoying my own company” instead of starting a very reasonably paid job when I need it most.

And I probably did that a good number of times.


Also bro, do you have a drug and alcohol counselor?

Hey there and welcome ! I found out here people got sober and stayed sober doing various things.
I drank and used and tried a lot of different things from white knuckling it , counseling , psychotherapy , exercise , immersion in various things to stay ocupied etc. , just to find out I just couldn’t stay stopped. That was for me then the main issue. To stay stopped.

Now I’m going regularly to meetings, working the Program and you know what I’m not drinking or using. Beside that life got much better in many ways. I attend AA and NA meetings.
Just wanted to say it took me a while and a lot of experiments to get here,many dangerous ones, but I’m so happy now that I m here.

Wish you the best of luck on your way to sobriety!

By the way I’m a month sober now and feeling good, about myself , others and life in general .
For me “it gets better” is really happening !

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You are so kind, thank you for taking the time to write and figure this out for me. Bless you x

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Hi, did you go to the interviews?

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Sorry for the delay in coming back to you. No, I didn’t go…I felt so guilty afterwards that I went out and used. But I’m back on said wagon, 3 days now. I feel so foolish.

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no, I used instead as I thought that made more sense…how ridiculous a response right? I thought that because it was too late, I may as well go gor a really BIG lapse…and so I did. Surfacing and recovering for 3 days now. I have a numb hand from probably injuring a nerve while slamming and some kind of mouth ulcer which is creeping towards one of my front teeth…an infection obviously? I’m a walking mess…

Aw man, I am sorry you are going through this. Addiction is such a BITCH!! You have to decide when enough is enough. Nobody is going to come save you but yourself. Dont be afraid to start a treatment program or ask for help! Addiction can be hard to beat and even harder when you do it alone. I hear you when you say you may as well have a BIG relapse, Ive told myself those things before in the past… that is the addiction talking. Unfortunately using does nothing good for us!! Each relapse we learn something new. Figure out what you have learned from this one so you can protect yourself from it happening again. I feel for you and am here for you!

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Don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes. Trust me. Learn from this, let it go and move on. Let it go…

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I understand, as a meth user too. Trying hard to get clean but it’s rough. I had 135 days clean, now I’m back to 4. It sucks.

All we can do is get up and work on the first day.

I wish you the best. It can get better.

Tell your potential employer that you may have been exposed to COVID-19 and would like to reschedule until after your test comes back. If they are really interested in interviewing you, they will reschedule.

Then use the time to sort yourself out. If they don’t reschedule, still work to sort yourself out, for the next interview that pops up.

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