Hey Matthew, it’s good to have you here. The main word that sticks out to me from your post is content, you’re never content. You got a first baby on the way and no happiness about it in your words. Something is missing or blocked in your life. That is causing you this discontent, worry, stress and your wish to numb yourself. That something can be external (like stress or a bad relationship) or most likely internal things, things in your mind, old feelings and thoughts. Or a combo of both. As long as you continue to WANT to escape from your life, because of things in it, mental, emotional or social or other things, that you want to avoid, you will. You will relapse and your sobriety will not stick. My fav sobriety saying is Build the life you don’t need to escape from. And by that I personally try to live. This takes time of course. It takes a lot of work first of all to identify what the things are that make one unhappy. I have psychotherapy to help me figure that out over time. Can you do therapy?
There’s also AA and other 12 step programs. They offer guidance and support and I suggest you seek em out. But your story spoke to me and I think you need some more personal in depth work aswell.
Best of luck my friend.
Also here are some resources. I love the literature section and have many biografies of ppl who were equally miserable as me and made it to get better. Can recommend. Resources for our recovery