I’ve wanted to die for a while… But Everytime I have a relapse and get on cocaine I start to freak out of dying from this shit.
I’m really desperate… I can’t put my life together and stay away from it.
After 10 days sober, I overused and am scared to death
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You can do this! My choice is Percocet 30s. I have 2 days clean, and I hate this shit, but! Once I start thinking about it, I think of something else. That may only occupy me for 1-3 mins, but if I think of pills, then I re think something else. Good luck! Maybe see a doctor to put you on a anti depressant.
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You overused last night or tonight??
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… if you’re talking about tonight you should probably call 911. Are you alone? If you’re talking about last night is there someone you can call or be with right now that can help you? A trusted friend, relative, neighbor?
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From the lunch time till now
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Have you considered supervised detox followed by IOP or a residential program?
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Please get some help now.
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Perc 30’s consumed my life for 8 years. Blue devils man. No more. Haven’t had one since Christmas last year. I am happy happy happy and I wish the same for you!
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“Blue little devils” Perfect name. Thank you ! And great job! When did your thoughts or the devil stop? When did you start feeling better? Did you do this on your own? I’m proud of you!
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After about a month you sound start seeing a decent amount of change…motivation should pick up and better sleep. Stay strong hold your ground. Make this the last wd you ever have to feel again and be patient as this detox isnt a quick few day or week long wd. The good news is when its over its over. I struggled with never using ever again early in recovery. Now i feel better then i did using and a predictable stable life. While using i never knew if a new batch of dope would kill me or if i would get caught and go to jail scheming to get it. I dont miss the lifestyle i lived at all and im sure you will not either…keep it up!
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Agree with others. There are people/places out there that can help you right now. Hotlines to get advice on what’s best for your situation.
Dunno where you are. If you want out, in the US recovery.org can also be reached at 888-319-2606, 24/7.
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Thank you so much. I feel ya. I can’t wait to be there!
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I found 1 day at a time.
Yesterday is gone. I don’t look back.
Tomorrow is not here yet. I don’t think I can’t drink for the rest of my life.
I deal only with today. Just for today I will be sober.
If a day is too much an hour or even a Minuit at a time.
You spoke of fear of death. That for me was a high possibility. The amount and speed at which I drank. Blackouts. Driving cars daily possibly BAC 0.5 or maybe higher. No that is not 0.05. 0.5 or most likely higher.
Waking up in gutters. Picking fights. Etc.
My friend please don’t be a statistic.
It is tough quitting but I have done it. If I can you can.
I was at the end of the road. I mean not much further to go. Goal and death were all I had not done. I was tossing down 3 plus bottles of pure spirits a day.
I today wake up. I choose 1 day at a time not to drink.
Take care. John 
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I’m from Brazil
So, I did it by myself. It was horrible but I did. I took 2 weeks off work, sent my kids to my in laws and hung out on my bathroom floor. Never again. I was an every day all day user. I stopped thinking about them after like 90 days. Every day got easier. At this point I really don’t care about them or think about them. I more think “what was I thinking” rather than “man I wish I had one”. What’s your story?
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My story, man where do I begin! Well, I had foot surgery 2013 and the doc put me on perks. I’ve never had them prior. It was on from there. I got addicted to them. I was taking 5 30’s a day. Not a single person knew. It just gave me energy, not loopy. I only took them orally. (Is that even a word?) lol I am on day 5, almost day 6. I feel good. Just sleeping sucks. I know a lot of people who had a terrible detox, so I pray I don’t get that way. I’ve been waiting to stop but scared of the detox. I start thinking… I have business to run, kids, husband, big house to clean… etc. it got so overwhelming in my head, I would tell myself. “After this batch I’m done” I’m sorry for you and your detox experience. Who long have you been sober? Great job
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I’m afraid of weekends. Is where the empty lives the most of time. Is where I try to fill this emptiness inside me. I am sober now. I have a wonderful job and that keeps me busy on work days… But tomorrow, tomorrow always comes.
I am afraid of fail again.
I’m new to meetings myself (AA), but have you considered going to any? And getting a sponsor- someone you can reach out to/help to keep you accountable when you get the urge?