Hey guys. So my boyfriend kicked me out after I relapsedSaturday (if you could call it that as I have been sober off and on for a year usually lasting a week at most. Saturday I drank on an empty stomach without intending to get so messed up. I ended up blacking out and picking a huge fight w my bf, screaming at him, daring him to hit me, and breaking a candle (yeah I suck and am a failure). He kicked me out and bought me a flight home. He says we are still a couple but he doesn’t think we should live together anymore and acts tentative about me staying sober and working it out. I wish he was more supportive and instead of kicking me out was understanding. Keep in mind he is also a self admitted alcoholic but doesn’t get as aggressive and emotional. Really wishing he could commit to sobriety as a team like I suggest. Also, I am almost two days sober which seems stupid but for me it’s a new beginning I feel like I never really wanted it but this time is different and I’m going to my first aa meeting tomorrow night so wish me luck lol
Welcome to the community! I’m glad you are here. One thing I noticed in your post, you seem to be blaming your boyfriend and his lack of support for your continued relapsing. He in fact has nothing to do with it.
Also, this sobriety deal isn’t about luck. If you read around here, you’ll find many resources and suggestions on making a plan for long term sobriety. What have you done in the past to support your sobriety?
Commit to sobriety yourself. Your sobriety cannot be dependent on his commitment. I hear so much of myself in your words- things went south because you drank on an empty stomach, the quick cut to saying you are a horrible person. Things went south because you drank. Period. And you probably are a horrible person- drunk. I sure am! I’m not in any position myself to be giving advice. I just relapsed, and I’m feeling super low. But I’m actively working on my inventory, my sober plans, and my acceptance in order to commit myself again to sobriety. Going to a meeting is a great idea, but I agree there is no luck involved with staying sober. It’s hard, ugly, rewarding, and constant work.
Welcome to the forum. It sounds like your boyfriend made a decision based on what is best for him and his life. While that may feel wrong and or sad for you, it is what is best for HIM and his choice. Sometimes we need to learn to accept what is out of our control. And since you came on here, it seems like you are wanting sobriety and know you need a change. I know when I was in early sobriety I faced similar challenges and experiences that you describe. If only I had eaten before drinking, then I would have been okay type of thinking. Unfortunately as you likely know, it doesn’t always work that way. Whenever we drink alcohol, we can turn into the screaming harpie and make poor choices. Alcohol is literally poison we put into our bodies and what comes out is poison. In my experience it didn’t matter how many rules I made (and broke) around drinking (eat before, only drink beer, have a water in between drinks, only drink on weekends, etc), eventually and always my drinking turned into a bad scene. The common denominator in all of it? Alcohol. Every time. So, the alcohol needed to go. I could not manage it, no matter how hard I tried.
I hope you stick around, do a lot of reading and participating. This can be a great place for support, connection and community.
One of the things I learned a lot from was a book called This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Give it a read. It helped me understand alcohol and myself a little more. Glad you are. 