I can’t believe im here writing this with such a heavy heart.
I’m grieving the death of my two dearest grandparents and the pain has sent me into a tailspin.
I was four years sober until 8th October two days before my Grandma died. 7 weeks later my Grandpa died suddenly from a broken heart.
I feel so broken.
It’s no excuse but the drink and my addiction and roared its mighty head and I’m in peril.
We have a huge dispute with my Uncle over the family company and last week he was threatening me over and over on the phone and solicitors emails.
He’s blowing hot air but it got to me.
I got drunk and gatecrashed the business Christmas party then one of the employees attacked me and I ended up in an and e all night with suspected broken ankle and wrist.
Then my boyfriend has got to go back to Ghana just before Christmas I’m just hurting so deep no one could know.
My grandpas funeral is just after Christmas before new year.
I just want this year to burn.
I’m hurting.
I blame myself for everything.
I’m broken
Sorry to hear your pain but well done for reaching out and getting some of it off your chest.
With 4 years of sobriety in the bag you know what it takes and what you gotta do to stay sober.
You drank before your Grandma passed so was this still the trigger or was it something else.
Unfortunately we are never cured so when your heads in the right place it’s still one day at a time again.
If you don’t go to meetings they can only help and if you already do then open up and use that support.
I feel for you. I know how you are feeling, but you can’t blame yourself…it’s the disease. I’m proud of you for sharing instead of holding it in
She was dying I was watching her died when she stopped responding I broke as I was her carer and she depended on me.
Part of me died when she died.
The disease I have came back to bite me at my weakest point
I used this community when I first got sober you guys here are so supportive I’m thankful I’ve come back.
I’ve never used meetings before I rang the local AA today they want me to go tomorrow but it’s just timing if I can make the meeting.
The man on the phone said I sounded the most serious person who wanted to get sober that he had spoken to in a long time
Fact is it’s true I want myself back and my future
If I don’t the next grave dug will be mine (as in my addiction will kill me I’m not suicidal)
I felt very similar to you when I lost my mom. My dad also suffered of a broken heart and was never the same until he also passed.
Your grief is real, the pain, the sadness, the hurt, the lonesomeness, the powerlessness.
I needed to feel all of these feelings and more and let them do their worst knowing that I resorted to numbing them when my mom passed. I was already broken when my dad passed. I was deep into my addictive behaviours so that didn’t make my life too much worse.
I’ve grown alot since then, I’ve found my identity and my love for myself. It took a lot of deep internal work while also learning to be compassionate and empathetic for my own situation before I could move forward.
My very near future will now have me face the loss of my brother from brain cancer, but I’m so much stronger through this and I no longer have to risk sobriety to deal with it.
Stay strong and find supports like a support group for loss and grief. It may help to talk to others.
Yea Grief is hard when you lose someone you love but im sure youl get back on that horse and maybe try a meeting they will help helped me stay sober in my family deaths wish you well
I made contact with local AA group and then I said I’m not able to get out the house I hope to come when I can get out. Then they basically criticised me. Fair enough! Life is full of vultures
I have relapsed more times then incould ever count. The withdrawals and detoxing is hell. I have reuined my entire life that i had built. Lost everything. I hope the detox doesn’t get worse. Im scared. This last relapse was the worst i have ever gone through. I dont know how im alive right now given how much i drank. It is mind boggling and embarrassing. Disgusting the way i have been living. I have 1 day sober.
Welcome back, though I wish it wasn’t for this. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is even more difficult when your days were filled with the person who is now no longer there. This literally leaves a void that must be filled.
How do you feel about doing online meetings, since you aren’t able to leave the house right now? Do you have access to a psychologist, or the ability to use the services of one? Become active here and maybe any other sobriety forum you feel comfortable in.
You’ve had a stumble on your journey, but all is not lost. Nothing I, or anyone else, can say will ever soothe the pain you are feeling right now from your loss and the whirlwind around you, but we can try to provide you with community so that you don’t feel as alone.
I hope you are able to find some comfort in this difficult time and the strength to stand up and continue your sobriety journey once again.
Sorry I’ve been quiet all week but I am nearly one week sober back on track.
I’ve had a painful week but I’ve let the grief come through and it’s hurts a lot but it needed to be felt.
I can’t believe my boyfriend leaves to go back to Ghana on Wednesday and I’m worried he won’t come back. If he doesn’t come back then I’m not sure what my future holds.
I feel very alone at times, but something in me is keeping me going. I had a craving last night, but I didn’t give in so on Sunday and seven days sober back on my journey.
I also like to say massive thank you for everyone’s kind words. It really really has been Support even though no one knows me you guys really are amazing thank you