Hi everyone, it’s my first time on here. Yesterday I threw out 72 days of clean time, and I’m really struggling. I don’t know why, but I had a few drinks. I’ve only told one friend, but I haven’t been honest about it with my home group or immediate friends. I feel scared, ashamed and miserable. A part of me doesn’t want to tell anyone, not even my sponsor… I don’t want to feel judged or sorry for. I’ve been trying to be brutally honest with myself and others this time in my recovery, and it feels like yesterday I threw it all away.
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Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, it is nobodies business but yours for the most part.
But.
I think most would feel better coming clean.
Falling off the sobriety wagon is hardly a win, but you did have 72 days. That aint nothin’. Be proud of that. Learn whatever lesson there is to learn and start a new day.
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Welcome @inagjox 
Why do relapses happen? Honestly: who knows. I can tell you four things that we ignore which set us up for relapse - Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and being Tired (HALT) - but fundamentally why do we do something that is so obviously unhelpful?
Because it’s an addiction. And the only way you beat it, the only way you gain mastery over that addict voice - which never really goes away, you need to develop your wisdom and be conscious, be sober - the only way you beat it, is by putting as much effort into your sober strength, as you did into your addiction.
Something needs to change. Maybe you need to do more step work, or do your step work more fearlessly. Maybe you haven’t dug deep enough or put in enough of the follow up yet.
Hiding this won’t help. Time to open up. The addict in you says hide. Tell that asshole to fuck off, and take your strength back and own up to what happened, talk with your sponsor, and learn from it. You can and you will.
Take care and don’t give up. Keep us posted!
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Thank you Steric, I think you’re right. I think I have to start off by telling my sponsor tomorrow.
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Thank you Matt, you’re right, and I haven’t been taking care of myself like I should, just continuously push myself harder with no break. I’m going to open up to my sponsor tomorrow about it.
I appreciate the feedback and hope so much. 
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Welcome! I have a lot of experience going to AA meetings and we never judge anyone who comes back after a relapse. We’re just thankful they made it back. Be honest with your sponsor and those who support you. You know as well as I do that “our secrets keep us sick”.
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Nobody is going to judge you.
Your post hit home with me because I related back to when I relapsed
I had a couple of beers. I had been sober for a long time. I was testing the waters before I jumped back in.
I went to my meeting, and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I felt fake. When I left. I didn’t go back.
I drank for 8 years. It was horrible and I ended up coming back to AA. Nobody judged me. They welcomed me back with open arms.
The thing that stands out most about your share is how a few drinks has alienated you from such a powerful support system.
It happened to me too.
My advise is to go back, and be grateful you didn’t waste multiple years trying unsuccessfully to make drinking work for you like I did.
Glad your here. I use this forum and AA to stay sober. This place is 24/7. I need human contact too. Working the steps with a sponsor has been really good for me.
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Tell your sponsor get involved at the meeting make coffee or put the seats out put your hand out welcome the newcomers get on the program giving this away you will get it back 100 times better (that means giving yourself to help others ) your part of a family now they will understand and have no judgement wish you well
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I’m coming back on track, thank you for the love and support guys! I opened up to my sponsor last night and my NA family yesterday. I feel much better and relieved. So far, I’ve done two meetings and one more now so far today, thank you guys for giving me hope 
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Thanks for checking back in Ina. And congrats on doing the right things, the good things, the things that will get you away from potential disaster. Happy for you. We’re in this together.
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