@Swim_Track_18 I am trying to discover why I’m acting out. Would telling my sponsor the reason i act out be a good idea or not?
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Honesty is a big deal in recovery.
Why do you ask if that would be okay? Doesn’t it feel okay to be honest with your sponsor?
If you’d like to vent here first that might also be a good option…
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That is one thing that is not helping my recovery. I’m afraid to be honest and afraid of being a burden to other people. If that makes sense.
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You would be surprised how much your sponsor will understand. We are VERY hard on ourselves. And we tend to think that what we did is this big, unheard of evil. But when we actually talk to another addict about it not only do we find that that they understand, but we also find out that what we did is not as unheard of as we thought.
You’re in the right place pal. And asking the right questions. Those are both wins!
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Honesty is probably the most difficult part of my recovery as well. When I act out, I have promised my wife that I would tell her. It’s just incredibly difficult to do. There’s never a good time to bring up that I relapsed. It’s just easier to hold it in and keep it to myself. But, that’s addictive behavior. Isolation and deceit are the proper breeding grounds for acting out.
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It makes very much shame.
It finds its root in shame and self-loathing.
Your addict mind prays on that.
Good luck Hannah 
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Hey again! Thanks for reaching out 
I would suggest telling them, and I believe it would be a good thing. I second what was said above, especially these two quotes:
Being completely honest will help and begin to uproot the addiction where it truly sits. Working with your sponsor who truly knows you allows them to give much more appropriate advice that is tailored just for you. And as you work though the hard times with them, you’ll come to learn a lot about yourself and what it will take for you to gain the life you wish.
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Hello and welcome, Hannah.
I’m also a sex/porn addict. I’m not in the middle of a long stretch of sobriety or anything. I’m on day 2. Right in the treches with you.
Don’t focus too much on beating yourself up. In my experience this isn’t something I can do alone. However, my default setting as an addict is also to isolate myself and bliss out in my fantasy world. Sometimes to escape difficult emotions, sometimes just because it’s a comfortable space to go because I’m an addict and it’s what I know.
So I’m trying to build a network of support around myself. I’ve been involved with SAA for a few months and I have been here on the forum for about 18 months. Now I’m going to find support in my community to help deal with the loneliness and rejection I’ve been dealing with. Friends with common goals are important, knowing someone cares is important. This addiction may not cause physical damage but it does do a lot of spiritual damage. Do this for the sake of that kid you used to be before you got mixed up in all thus. We can’t get enough of the thing that never really satisfies us.
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I want to thank yall for the advice and encouragement. I talked to my sponsor last night. I am almost 2 days clean.
Im hiding behind this addiction because of being angry over the abuse I went through as a child. I am also trying to cope with the fact that my parents were not around much when I was a kid. With them not being around I feel unloved and feel like I’m not wanted. I also have trouble with feeling like a failure.
I also have depression, anxiety and PTSD from a childhood trauma. I am going to counseling to learn to cope with this trauma.
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Wow that was some great honesty!! Keep it up pal. You are doing great
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Hey there,
I’ve done some reading and you’ve made some progress,as @Gabe.G and one or two others mentioned we sometimes feel like we’re the only ones that have done this horrible thing and we’re feeling so bad like we’re not worthy of love or forgiveness. But we deserve both. When we live in the past and the hurt it’s hard to get out and be positive and live a new,positive life with positive habits. It’s a process. I think it’s safe to say I was one of the first females to come out on here as being addicted to porn and masturbation; @KevinesKay can correct me if I’m wrong. You’ve gotten advice here and maybe other forums as well,so I won’t add anything else except that if you just wanna talk to another female who’s in the same boat addiction wise,then just message me. You’re not your actions,you won’t scare me away lol take care and God be with you as you continue on this journey.
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