Hi, Michelle:
Thanks for your honest answer. Your reasoning does not surprise me based on your description of yourself. The reason I say that is because when I was in college getting my Human Services Degree to become licensed as a Chemical Dependency Professional, I did a research project on barriers women face in getting into treatment services. Here is what I found:
Women have a higher mortality rate for substance use disorders. The average and median age of women who get treatment services or who otherwise enter recovery is markedly older than it is for males. While there may not be a direct correlation, I found a study done in Vancouver, B.C. that found that women in fact did have hesitance in getting into treatment services. They found that the social stigma from their family was a large barrier because mothers in particular are expected to not have problems and they are expected to be healthy mothers and take care of their children. So the judgment factor from family members was one factor. Another was the fact that women who are mothers are terrified their kids will be taken from them (again, by their own family members) if they reveal they have an alcohol or drug problem. Lastly there is a financial factor, because it is a fact that women do not have the same upper level job opportunities as men, much as I hate to say that as a man who was in an upper level professional position and hired only women in my business.
So, what I can say is you have a very clear vision of your situation, Michelle. Yes, you are not taking that big step to get assessed, I get that, and I wish you would do that. But at the same time I understand the barriers you are facing and as a mother you do have some legitimate concerns that may only be assuaged by your establishing a close relationship with some family members and telling them in confidence about what you feel comfortable revealing to them. They can’t just take away your kids, there is a judicial process they would have to go through to get them and the courts view these things as a negative for children and the belief of lawmakers is that kids are better off with their parents. Unless you are an unfit mother, you have nothing to worry about. I am a retired family law attorney so I know this area very well, at least in Washington State. I have handled these cases. I still volunteer as a family law attorney for people who can’t afford a lawyer for the local bar association. So I am not just spouting off stuff that is meaningless.
Look, Michelle. If you cannot get yourself to get an assessment, at least admit to yourself you are not qualified to diagnose yourself. Until you have a professional assessment, you really do not know what you need to do to get well and stay in recovery. But a good start for you would be to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings regularly every week. I attended at least 5 meetings a week when I was new in recovery and that is a good number for you, too, if you have enough meetings that are a convenient drive from your home and you have child care for your kids. Some meetings do provide child care for parents attending the meeting. I still attend meetings after over 30 years. That is all the reason you need to understand how important they are to your survival.
If you were to get a professional assessment, it is completely confidential. They cannot release any information about the assessment to anyone or your employer without your written consent. This is a FEDERAL law, Michelle, as well as a state law in virtually all 50 states, and some types of disclosures carry a criminal, not merely a civil, penalty in some states like where I live. So you can get assessed and keep it to yourself. They cannot be forced to disclose it. Best wishes to you, Michelle.
