Hello, I’m new here. I just broke my one year sobriety and decided to drink yesterday. My wife came home with the kids and found that I had been drinking. I am very embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Before all of this I was drinking and doing cocaine. I came clean one day to my wife about doing cocaine and told her I had been doing it for a year without her knowing it. It took time but we got through it.
I’m happy to say I’m still clean from Coke, but now that I broke my sobriety I’m worried about what I’m going to say to my wife for her to believe me that this will be the last time. I was told to leave the house and give her and the kids space and time to process what has happened. I am scared to death of the thought that she may want to ask for a divorce.
Nothing. Your actions will speak louder than your words, and it looks like they already did. At this point focusing on your sobriety is about the only thing you can do. Your wife will be mad, and deservedly so, and your job will be to give her the space to be mad. Don’t get defensive, don’t try to justify or explain, you don’t get that opportunity. You can talk to your sober network about that if you need. If she has already been through the pain of your addiction once, all of those old feelings are going to resurface, and you need to hold space for those too. I would practice saying, “Yes, I fucked up, I’m sorry, I hope I get the chance to make it up to you”.
Shes rightfully upset. The ONLY thing available to utilize is sobriety.
You mentioned how you have done other substances. If i were you, id hit up detox as soon as i could. If not for you, for your family (for you)
I call that the method to the madness
Detox isnt scary but its rough. It will however be more then a " i apologize " it will be a " im acting on my own apology " and it will give your more sobriety recourses
Call ahead to work and explaine to your people survices provider at work
Im softer in my approachs a lot unless i, myself am off.
Im 36years old
I smoked all drugs and drank very very heavy
Im almost 2 years clean and sober including nicotine
I was in detox for 1 single night because not even i could accept my apologies at one time
I don’t think I was very clear in my message. I have been off of cocaine for over a year now. I was sober for over a year until yesterday when I decided to break that and drink. But thank you for replying and giving me the advice I need.
Doubling down on building your sobriety, doing what you did not do before to support it, can only be a help. Without sobriety, you have no wife, no kids, no home. With sobriety you have a sound sense of yourself, and you can be serene, maybe not “getting what you want” happy, but serene and trusting the best is happening.
I went through a very similar situation. I’m only speaking from my own experience—this isn’t advice, just what worked for me.
The first thing I had to do was be selfish, in the healthiest sense of the word. For a while, I had to stop focusing on everyone else and focus on saving myself. I realized that I was the one who had to get out of it. Not because I didn’t love my wife, but because if I didn’t, I was going to lose everything. And a huge part of my life was her.
That’s what you need to tell your wife: “I want to get through this because it’s taking my life away, and you’re a huge part of the life I want back.”
I also learned that it’s incredibly difficult to recover alone. Some people say it’s impossible. I won’t say that, but I know I couldn’t do it by myself. I needed the support of others. I needed a support group, psychologists, doctors, and above all, I needed my wife.
Tell her that you need her. Tell her you can’t do this alone, but that you truly want to recover because this disease is destroying your life. Explain that this isn’t a bad habit or a character flaw—it’s a disease, and like any disease, it takes treatment and the support of the people who love you.
You can do this. Tell her you’re going to try. Tell her you’re going to stop drinking because that’s the only way to keep this disease from taking control of your life again.
Talk to your wife honestly. And remember the First Step: surrender. Accept the reality. You are an alcoholic.
It took me a long time to admit that. And it took even longer to tell my wife. I’m not saying that everything became easy after that—it didn’t. But I can tell you this: from that moment on, it became much less difficult, because I wasn’t fighting alone anymore.
Thank you for taking the time to tell your story. I really appreciate it. I need to come to terms with myself that I am an alcoholic and that this disease can strike at anytime. I need to lean on my support group because I definitely have stepped away from them recently.
Good on you for coming here to talk right away. This is a relentless, unforgiving disease. Lean in to your recovery network. Your wife and kids will see you’re serious. You don’t have to lose any more days to this, and you didn’t lose your previous stint of clean and sober time. Let’s keep after it!
Thank you for your advice and kind words. I’m glad I found this app because I feel like it’s just one more tool that will help me stay sober and on the right path back to freedom.
Welcome. So much wisdom is here with people who have experienced so much. Listen, read and post anytime. I can personally proclaim these wonderful people have helped me remain sober. Let’s stay sober together today.
You are here and that speaks volumes @49er.
Unfortunately, the one year mark is a time of relapse for MANY. I was warned by so many people of this dangerous time. I prepared myself in the time leading up to that day because I was actually terrified of that happening. I still am but I like having that fear in me I hope I always have it.
There is much I could say but I think the main question is WHY did you drink? Knowing all that you had to lose you still chose to drink. If you only stopped drinking for your family that won’t be enough. You do it for YOU and then everyone around you benefits. I am sorry this is where you are but glad you are looking for help.
I don’t think you can make promises to others like that because when they’re broken everything becomes a mess and trust fractures.
All you can really promise her is that you want to stop drinking more than anyone else does and you won’t give up on it until you achieve your goal. There’s always bumps in the road and framing your alcoholism as a disease (which it is) is very important and she needs to understand that.
