I relapsed after being sober for 33 days and I’m so upset with myself. I relapsed on Christmas Eve at a friend’s house and got so drunk I projectile vomited all over their downstairs bathroom. I told myself I would control it and broke nearly every rule I made for myself.
I also drank heavily on New Year’s Day. I didn’t do anything stupid for the most part but got blackout drunk and don’t even remember having sex with my boyfriend.
I knew better than to take that first drink because once I do I never know how much I will drink or what will happen. I hate that alcohol has so much control over me. I’m tired of it controlling me and my actions.
I’m 24 hours sober and going back to AA tonight. I am dreading facing everyone and having to get a start over token. But I know it’s what I need to do. I hope I can stick with it this time.
If there are take-aways and lessons-learned, I think you nailed them. You could have done far worse, so there are blessings to be counted.
My last relapse was after 30 days sober, when my Mom passed. Took me 11 months before I was really ready to quit again. I gave moderation another try. Failed miserably.
But you, you are ready to get after it again. You know where you went wrong (you didn’t say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink and didn’t say “no” to the toughest person to say “no” to…yourself".
My only question is what’s your escalation? Daily participation on this forum? Meetings? Sponsor? Accountability Partners? What will you do differently this time, so you will be better able to say “no” next time?
I plan to attend meetings daily like I was before and be more active on this forum. I will utilize my AA contacts when I’m struggling or feel tempted. I will also avoid situations I know that will make me want to drink. I knew that I was putting myself at risk by going to my friend’s house and shouldn’t have. Or I should’ve left and called an AA friend before having a drink. I think I’m going to write down how I’m feeling right now and keep it close by so when I feel like drinking I will be able to read what I wrote and remember that it’s not worth it.
It’s really easy to get to a month and think we are ok and cured, unfortunately you have found the hard way that we are not, don’t dwell on it too much just let this be a lesson learned. Get up dust yourself off and carry on with your recovery. Can’t change what you’ve done, it’s in the past now and you need to change what you will do in the future by not drinking today
It takes what it takes pal. Most of us have decided to do a little more “research” on our alcoholism. And most of us find the same result. We are alcoholics!!
There’s always our last drink. Our last one before we finally surrendered. Maybe this will be yours
Awe man. Isn’t it funny how we set these “rules” for ourselves as alcoholics (only on weekends, two drinks, I’ll just reward my sobriety with a few drinks…), when the reality is the only rule we should ever really follow is to “say no to the first drink”. I love that you have a plan, that you’re going back to AA, and have the understanding that you can’t drink. I’ve been the projectile vomiter, and the person who doesn’t remember entire nights with my husband. Keep us posted!!
Stay positive. I am going to my first AA meeting tomorrow. Something I probably should have done a long time ago but like you I thought I could control myself by only having a few. I also relapsed new years eve and did some horrible things to the point my boyfriend broke up with me. Alcohol does take control and once you start it is hard to stop, that’s why we need to take the power back. I am slowly learning it’s all about self control. You got this and we are here for you. Message anytime, stay strong
Congratulations on making the decision to be sober again. You are making great decisions to continue on in your recovery. I definitely had to avoid drinking events at first and have been very fortunate to build a sober community and do not spend much time around those who drink (at least when they are drinking). You have a great plan to follow when you are tempted. Whenever I feel tempted to have “just one” I play out the whole scenario in my head. I know I don’t want to have just one drink I want to have all the drinks and that is where one would lead so I may as well just drink something else. Keep coming back and working your plan you deserve to be well.
Going back is better than never going back. AA was ok for me. I honestly dont care if I ever go back there. As long as I have this app in my back pocket then I’m good.
Hey dont worry about going back to that room! The door swings both ways
The whole program is built on one primary purpose! To carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers! It’s not meant to be everyone sitting around boasting about their years of clean time! Go back in there and you’ll be welcomed with a loving embrace!
I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup Maybe once you get sober, you guys can work things out. If not, you’ll be sober for the next relationship and it will be so much better for you!
I broke up with my boyfriend before I got sober last time for no good reason other than he didn’t drink and interfered with my drinking. He gave me another chance when I got sober. After I relapsed, I found myself wanting to bail on plans with him so I could stay at home and drink alone. That’s just insanity. I don’t want to ruin it with him or ruin anything else in my life so I’m back on the wagon and want to stay sober more than anything now.
Good luck to you! AA is amazing. They welcomed me back with open arms. I absolutely love the fellowship and love and I hope you have a similar experience!
This app is like a 24/7 meeting I love it!!! Certainly a great spot for you for now! Maybe give NA a shot? I love NA it’s my life! I find it a bit more welcoming than AA as well!
He did say if I can get help and myself together there might be a chance for us but just like you he doesn’t drink either which he admits makes it hard for him to know what to do or say to try to help me when he has never had to deal with addiction. This is my second relapse and I am serious this time about getting the help I need and reaching out wherever possible. This was the first place I turned to, then got an assessment today for outpatient treatment and starting AA tomorrow…kind of excited about it.
Sounds like you’re on the right path! They suggest that you do 90 meetings in 90 days. They have them everyday in different locations. Go to as many as you can and find a group that suits you! Finding a good group really helps with your success inside and outside of the meetings. Happy for you!
During your first year you will experience
H.A.L.T
Hungry
Angery
Lonely
Tired
All you have to do is find Your HIGHER POWERS will and answer to these problems.
K.I.S.S
keep it Simple
Maybe once you get sober, you guys can work things out. If not, you’ll be sober for the next relationship and it will be so much better for you!