As you can see in the title ive relapsed again. I live in a village outside a small english market town where i grew up. Its rural and transport links are poor. I had that 1 and after that all bets were off. I went to oblivion. I was ment to meet my best mate for snooker. I stood him up (hes stood me up in past and i wasnt bothered). He wasnt bothered. Its all good. But i was blacked out and oblivion. I left my phone in a pub and when i came top. It was 1am in the bus station. I couldnt go to my mums house in the town because i wanted to protect her. So i sat and bared it out. The forst bus was 0620. But then i had this fantastic thought. My best mate who i stood up had work in the next town at 0600. I could go to his and wait for him to leave and he could give me a lift home (in the opposite direction). It seemed a good idea in my drunk alcohol addled brain. Hes saw me, called me f***ing mess and said ive got work to go to. I then walked back to bus stop and got the first bus. I got home and used my laptop to email my mum with the lie my phone wasnr working. She had her suspicions and rang my phone. Once it was answered by a bar maid. The game was up. She knew exactly what id been up to and lied…again. My mum retreived my phone and returned it to me. I have been grovelling to my best mate saying sorry for showing up at 5am half cut. He has his toddler and girlfriend living with him and explaining what ive done to bounce back and what i plan going forward. He hasnt replied and has ignored me and as alcoholics we want to control the situation, but i guess he just wants time and space and i have to respect that. I jusu hope he knows im genuinely sorry. Ive apologised to my poor mum and dad. I lost my licence for a 2nd DUI 2 months ago. And as im rural there arent any local meetings to me. Ive been doing online meetings, but took my foot off the gas. I havent been contacting or doing any work with my sponsor. My programme has slowly disappeared. My dad is 17 years sober in AA. Ive agreed to ring him every day and be honest. Ive called my sponsor. Ive spoke to people in my home group. Ive been honest. Ive been in and around the rooms for a year now. Im a binge drinker. The longest i have sober is 36 days. I can stop. Its just staying stopped. Im exhausted from failing constantly.
Hi @Doublelifelad
I know how it is to be sitting on the other end of a relapse. I hope this is your last day 1. You deserve the peace that sobriety brings. Please stay connected here and with your online meetings while you work through the feelings that are coming your way. You don’t have to do this alone.
The exhaustion is real, and hopefully you will remember how you feel now, so you don’t need to feel this way ever again. 
This is a great community, and hopefully you will dig in and get and give some support here as well. Wishing you all the best.
Your Dad sober in AA youve got a home group youve got a sponsor , maybe try a wee bit harder desire and effort can make a difference so maybe put your foot back on the gas wish you well
Without work no recovery. Daily. Not easy peasy fading out when inconvenient or unmotivated. You have all you need to work recovery. Work it.