Not doing too well mentally and really took a dip into a 4 days binge. I’ve got an appointment back in with my keyworker and we’ve sent off the application to get on a waiting list to head into a live in faciltiy.
I’ve done all I can but it’s not enough and I recognise now that if I don’t get into a rehab I’m just going to be in these never ending cycle. I hope that this time I won’t have to come back and talk about a relapse but talk about being sober and working everyday to stay sober.
Sometimes rehab is the best thing. Good for you for recognizing that a change needs to be made. I hope a place is found for you soon. 
I went through an extended time thinking that I could get sober, return to drinking, then get sober again if I needed it. It wasn’t really relapse (except for one 9 month stretch) as much as I never really stopped drinking. When I was drinking, I always thought I would quit “one day”. And when I was dry, I always knew I would return to drinking after enough of a break.
I was granted the gift to somehow change my mind and thinking, and focus just on one day. Stay sober from the time I woke up until I went to bed - no looking forward to tomorrow or back at yesterday. Honestly, it was a bit of a depressing time, but I did it day after day until one day I found I had not thought of drinking in 2-3 days! And I got busy, from the day I quit, building a program of recovery. I took Antabuse, went to counseling and to AA, did something every day to build my sobriety.
Willingness and action - they say those are the keys to success in AA, and I agree. When I was willing to surrender to sobriety and follow up with acts every day, I started saying sober and being happy.
I got to my appointment with my keyworker and she told me the same, I do not want to drink, I don’t want to be having times like this and I just want to work and move forward.
She’s helped me get the ball rolling on getting into a rehab, I just have to keep calling the place because they’re so busy and eventually they will get back to me. I know it probably won’t be for a couple of weeks before I get in but until then I’m going to start going to meetings. I am genuinely done with alcohol and I accept it’s never ever gonna be a situation or time where I can have a drink.
Meetings will definitely help. If you can’t get to a live meeting try zoom meetings I know it’s not the same but they will still help a lot. Make a gratitude list in the morning. There is a great book called the four agreements check it out
Hello Gaz, do you have an update? Did you get a rehab bed?