Hi Dee, I’m sorry to hear about your relapse. I agree with the earlier posters here that you should ask yourself who you’re apologizing to here. You don’t owe us an apology - heck, we’ve all been there, that’s why we’re here, supporting each other!
If you’re apologizing, that means you feel you’ve let somebody down. I’m willing to bet what’s really happening here is you feel you’ve let yourself down. And if that’s the case, then you do actually want to recover, deep down inside yourself.
No one says a toddler doesn’t want to walk just because she trips and falls down. And no one says a person in recovery doesn’t want to recover just because she trips and falls down.
Look into some of the resources / help lines about self-harm here:
Resources for our recovery
Call the help line. Talk it over. They’re trained people, they’ll help you think it through. This is your recovery, and you’re not a failure. You’re learning - and this is a learning experience.
Take care Dee - we’re rooting for you 