So I relapsed just a few minutes ago. I don’t think I want to recover anymore either. If I’m going to recover it has to be because I want to, but I don’t, I just don’t want people to worry about me. I have to do this for myself and right now I don’t want to recover. Sorry for letting you all down again.
Sounds like you are apologising to yourself more than to anyone else. Are you sure you don’t want recovery?
Seems you do to me.
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As the others have said, you’re not letting anyone in this forum down. If you don’t want to stay sober and think you have everything under control, I’d be telling you I’m jealous and to go enjoy life. The fact that you are on this forum in the first place indicates that you have an addiction and deep down, know it is unhealthy/want to stop. Power through today, attack tomorrow with a clear mind and see how you feel towards sobriety. Best of luck, whichever path you take.
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Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re not worth it. That’s shame, shutting you down, feeding your addiction.
Forgive yourself. You’re human and imperfect like all of us. You are worth it.
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I hear you. I am sober but dragging my feet. I don’t see the point anymore nor do I want to fight to be sober. I tell you what though, I relapsed and slipped in the last year, as well as spent a great deal of time sober. Because I know I really don’t like drunk me or organizing my life around drinking. I drank mostly private and in the evenings. When I started to get suicidal and have blackouts, I felt selfish. I have no right to have people worry about me.
It is unfair.
So, yes, I don’t see the point but I feel responsible about my actions that concerns other people. I am sure if you reach deep down you will find the compassion for those who love you. You deserve a good life and staying numb doesn’t help.
Look closely. You will find the reason you are here and even if you don’t care, you will see that you do.
I am rooting for you. Give yourself some time. You can do it. Hang in there. Much love.
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Hi Dee, I’m sorry to hear about your relapse. I agree with the earlier posters here that you should ask yourself who you’re apologizing to here. You don’t owe us an apology - heck, we’ve all been there, that’s why we’re here, supporting each other!
If you’re apologizing, that means you feel you’ve let somebody down. I’m willing to bet what’s really happening here is you feel you’ve let yourself down. And if that’s the case, then you do actually want to recover, deep down inside yourself.
No one says a toddler doesn’t want to walk just because she trips and falls down. And no one says a person in recovery doesn’t want to recover just because she trips and falls down.
Look into some of the resources / help lines about self-harm here:
Resources for our recovery
Call the help line. Talk it over. They’re trained people, they’ll help you think it through. This is your recovery, and you’re not a failure. You’re learning - and this is a learning experience.
Take care Dee - we’re rooting for you 
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