Unfortunately had to reset my sober time today. After 13 months clean from cocaine, I relapsed last night at a Halloween party because I had been drinking at a bar and two now-former “friends” hooked me back up with another bag.
I’m trying as best as I can to not be so hard on myself because I know relapses can happen, and in retrospect I know should probably of not been drinking as is a trigger for me. I’ve decided that I’m done with drinking too as a result.
Bit I’m very upset at these two people. I told them repeatedly that I do not do cocaine any more and do not want to be around it. I struggled with my past use so much, and I finally feel like I am on the right path. I have new job, have slowly been paying off debt and building up savings (this has been the most stressful part), and even have been seeing a therapist.
Like seriously, I don’t seek out cocaine at all anymore. I didn’t even enjoy doing it last night and don’t have an urge to do it again. But I feel like I have an egg on my face as a result of last night due to them not respecting my wishes to stay clean and creating a pressure to use. It hurts because I have had to cut off so many bad influences already. I have since told these two people that I cannot associate with them anymore and have blocked them on social media.
I do still have some good friends, but they have been either busy or live far away. I know cutting off bad influences is the correct decision. But I’ve been feeling so lonely lately. I wish I was better at making good, quality friends who won’t disrespect my wishes to stay clean.
EDIT: sorry if I come off as complaining. I just having a hard time processing my emotions over what happened last night.
Thank you for the welcome @lorelai. Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I guess cutting off bad influences/enablers is just past of the process. I look forward to contributing to the forum.
Keep moving forward in the right direction. That’s the best thing you can keep doing for yourself.
Staying away from places and people that will tempt you seems sensible.
Welcome @31suzuki51. I saw you said you’ve been lurking here,so glad you posted. I agree that relapse can happen and I agree you shouldn’t be hard on yourself. Relapse happens before you use or pick up. If you can identify a behavior that triggered you to use it could be a valuable tool so this doesn’t happen again. Maybe you played a small role in your relapse. Personally I believe in total abstinence. Not doing coke and drinking ? Is that a good choice for you? And you don’t do coke anymore yet you did. I’m just pointing out the obvious truths that I feel you already know. You know what to do. Get back on the horse and continue on the path of sobriety.
People who are still using the same drugs you used to do typically won’t support your recovery from it. Those types of people deserve the same one finger salute you gave to cocaine in the first place…
Welcome to the community!
Addict in general want others to join them, and not to be successful in their recovery. It’s a rare exception when people are supportive when they themselves are addicts.
Sorry for the delay on responses, and thank you to everyone who has reached out. I do agree that I am at fault too for going out and drinking. I’m pretty much done with bars and big parties at this point. I don’t like showing up to social situations with a bunch of people I don’t know anyways.
