So I joined here a couple of months ago and I was sober off crack cocaine for I think twelve days and relapsed sadly but now I am back on it and for the first time in over a year I have not touched the stuff for three weeks and I am making it my intention to never touch it again.
My guard is up as I understand I have a LONG way to go and I haven’t beaten my addiction, three weeks is great but I am taking it one day at a time. For the first time I am feeling guilt and not self pitty for all the things I have put my family through The only thing I can do to somewhat make it up is stay off it but I know that won’t take away all the horrible memories I’ve planted them with.
Last night I felt dreadful, riddled with anxiety but I didn’t take the easy way out of it. Is it normal to be riddled with anxiety three weeks out does anyone know? I seem to be getting worse mentally.
Congratulations on your three weeks clean! That’s fantastic. I believe that anxiety is a natural human feeling that we often numb with substances because it is uncomfortable. So when we stop using, it comes rearing its ugly head with a vengeance. We each have to learn new ways to cope with anxious feelings. Things like breathing exercises, listening to guided meditations, taking long walks or hot/cold showers, aromatherapy (lavender is a naturally calming scent) and journaling my thoughts (stream of consciousness writing everything that pops in my head so I get it out on paper) has helped me. It might help for you to try some ways to deal with your own anxiety, try anything! If one thing isn’t working, try something else. It takes practice to learn to deal with anxiety. I do believe that it’s worse when we are early in recovery and it can get better. If it doesn’t ease it might be worth speaking to a doctor or a therapist to get help.
Your brain is healing from using and you can actively help with that healing. Hang in there!
HUGE congratulations on ur 3 weeks clean!! Oddly enough when i got clean from it, my anxiety actually worse (or my anxiety was always there and it just was more obvious now that i was clean). It wasnt until i started finding healthier ways to manage my emotions, that things got easier @RosaCanDo mentioned some great strategies for coping with anxiety. I also like to use the 5 senses grounding technique. It involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. I also used lavender essential oil often and that really helped alot of the time. I did have to speak to my dr tho as the anxiety i was experiencing was too much and too often. Medication along with these strategies has helped me hugely in my recovery!
Thank you for your response I do believe in what you’ve said about how we abuse substances to try keep our anxiety under control, I abused alcohol as a teen and have moved from one thing to another (i seem to be okay with alcohol now, in fact i don’t even like the buzz).
I went out for a run earlier on and it has made me feel a bit better but I am dreading doing a simple thing like going to my gym class later on which I shouldn’t be as my trainers and everyone there are my friends.
My grandma who’s been my biggest support in my addiction keeps telling me to be kind to my body and rest up relax off my training for a bit but there’s pressure behind me because I have a fight coming up. At times like last night I felt like calling the whole thing off because I felt like I was almost having a panick attack over the whole situation but today I can’t wait for it and am feeling confident.
My emotions and what i want are all over the place. Hopefully by this time next month I will be out of this phase and can focus.
I am worried about going to the doctors and being honest about my addiction as I don’t want drug addict down on my record, I’ve been told doctors look down on you and once it’s on there you can’t never get it off. What medication did they give you? being UK based they give you nothing apparently and only offer therapy which i don’t think would be for me.
Sooo my dr doesnt know i am a recovering drug addict I personally dont like professionals knowing that I ever had an issue with drugs.
When i mentioned my anxiety to her, i just explained that ive been living with anxiety for awhile now and it seems to be getting worse. I told her all the things that i had tried myself to manage it (exercise, deep breathing, grounding techniques, meditations, etc) and explained that these techniques are only temporary solutions, that my anxiety often comes back.
She prescribed me Sertraline (which is an antidepressant but has anti anxiety properties also) and then prescribed me trazadone so i can sleep at night bcuz my anxiety would keep me up for hours n hours. The 2 meds have helped tremendously for my anxiety.
i’ve been told that’s the worst thing you can do, tell a doctor. you won’t get anything off them ever again and will be blacklisted for life pretty much. I tried sertaline before and it didn’t work, if i am to be honest i am taking gabapentin at the moment which is helping massively but i am not being prescribed it and have zero chance of being put on it even though it really helps and it’s what i need at this moment in time (i’ve tried getting on it in the past but came to realise i have no chane)
In america they give addicts gabapentin i’ve been told which is quite annoying, i’ve been born in the wrong country it seems lol!
the trouble with gabapentin is it’s hard to get so it isn’t always guaranteed. I have friends who get prescribed it and they don’t even need it which I have a bee in my bonnet about. All in all it’s the best of a bad bunch I plan to wind off it eventually, when I can get it that is.
I think that it takes time to find more balance in our emotions/feelings when getting clean/sober. Often longer than we would like it to! It also takes persistence and finding methods that you can turn to when you are having those feelings. I also have dealt with anxiety/panic attacks (if you google those terms they are actually different experiences) and had to find grounding techniques like the one @Butterflymoonwoman Dana suggested. For me a good one is visualizing a favorite place in nature and picturing myself there.
The thing I found is that some of these techniques don’t always “work” right away, but if you keep practicing them and keep trying them then they can start to work over time. For me the breathing exercises seemed silly at first but the more I did it the more it actually worked for me. Box breathing is a good example. Here are some visuals.
That’s not entirely true. It depends on the doctor what you get prescribed, if anything. Mental health services are not great on the NHS, so it can be a bit of a hit and miss.
You should be really careful with that. Gapapentin causes physical dependancy, there’s potential for abuse, and you really shouldn’t take it without medical supervision.
A medical provider can only do their best work when they know your medical history. Having a history of addiction does not prevent me from receiving appropriate care and medications. In fact, it keeps me safer when I have a medical ally in my sobriety.
One might find that self-prescribing based on other people’s experiences may not bring the best outcome. I would not rely on word of mouth to determine how mood stabilizers, anti-depressants or other pharma will react with unique metabolism and body chemistry.
This is not how prescriptive care or emergency care is administered properly.
The only thing I can do to somewhat make it up is stay off it but I know that won’t take away all the horrible memories I’ve planted them with.
