Hello dear people of this community 
So, would like to share some lessons learned and perhaps it’s more about a desire or need to understand how can I overcome something which drives me nuts. After cca 40 days being sober I relapsed and started to drink alcohol for the last three days (evenings, nights) . Decided to quit again and today is my day zero. What made me to this relapse? Combination of unfortunate factors - got sick and thus weak, at the same time I had to work and solve complex issues. I was also kind of active (running) very soon after I recovered from sickness. But most importantly I think I got myself under tremendous pressure by overthinking. Situation at work is not ideal and everyone is afraid of loosing job. So you can imagine the atmosphere. So, the pressure I put myself on is doing job while having in mind I can loose the job. Plus I think I’m kind of addicted by dopamine intake. That sounds silly but I think I’m too much focused on getting appraised at work, well recognized, I so much need appreciation of my leadership, colleagues, people around that it drives me to overthinking when I’m not receiving that while I believe I should get it. That all created such pressure that I started to question what’s my sense of living in this world (I’m not suicidal though), kind of feeling depressed and voluntarily open bottle. Please advise how can I stop or at least minimize my need for being always appreciated, recognized, rewarded… Thank you for your wisdom, thoughts… and have a great weekend 
(and put likes on my post, it’s gonna make me happy)… well, you see now…
Good job on comming back and not dissappearing into the void. Im not giving you that like 
Your questions are those that i dont think we can answer for you. Have you tried therapy, psychiatry, counseling?
You gotta work on your mental health. Its hard, but you gotta do it if you wanna stay sober. imo
Oh man, I know how you feel. I was overthinker myself. The same need for appraisal otherwise I wouldn’t feel good enough and would worry to death about loosing my job. I had such anxiety about it that I couldn’t sleep. I always tried to ignore it but it didn’t work, drinking did. However! It also made it worse which I didn’t know back then… Was I questioning my purpose in this world too? Hell yes. And I was suicidal in my thoughts. Fortunatelly all this dissapeared for me after I stopped drinking. Not immediatelly though. It took time and it was gradual.
What helped me when I was anxious was to actually face my fears and go the rabbit hole and go to the worst scenarios of what could happen if my worries are right. I always ended up loosing my job in my imagination and that made me realise that if that really happens it wouldn’t be the end of the world because I’d surely find another one. And if not, there is alwaya someone to help me out. And if not, there are institutions you could go to for help. Etc. Basically I thought it to the situation when I’d have to be homeless which is perhaps my biggest fear and I found out that it would have to be a lots going on for it to happen. It’s so unlikely that I don’t have to worry.
It also helped me to sometimes go to my boss and ask him for his feedback abour my work, asked if he’s happy with me or if there’s anywhere I could improve. I always got reassuring message
The key to understanding a relapse is finding the root cause of why it happened which it looks like you’ve got that nailed down. As mentioned above, how to address that root cause is something you have to work through and answer those questions in the way that works best for you. Coming here is a great start and something to build on by adding other tools such as therapy, group meetings, personal activities, journaling etc. Stay on here and keep building!
Only you can answer this…explore it…what events in your life have brought you to this need? Why does it not come from within you that you need it from the outside? For me i was lacking in self esteem because of childhood abandonment by my father then exacerbated by an abusive stepfather and an emotionally distant mother…i was given the message from an early age that i wasnt worth sticking around for and i didnt matter to those i should matter to and so i never felt good enough… so id seek out reassurance from anywhere and anyone… if i didnt get it id numb myself with booze, work on yourself…find therapy…work on the crux of the matter then you wont have to seek out the reassurance anymore because youl know you are enough
Thank you Steve. Professional help would definitely facilitate the whole process and I think I will make the call, first step tomorrow. There is one or two programs available to me actually
Thank you akirra.Yes got your point. However I was in such a state of mind that I was refusing coming here and reading posts which I did before though. Just now my mind was complete mess driven by big pressure. Well “big” - I made that bigger in my head
Thank you Jana, we have (or had) so many things in common from thought perspective, overthinking etc! I need to figure out how to change my thinking ways and create some new habits, it will just take time
Thank you mate, yes I believe I did and I’m thankful for that, sometimes the biggest dark is within us while we don’t realize the problem at all. It’s interesting though I didn’t get it earlier.
Thank you Starlight, as with Jana above it appears we too share some common things. It’s definitely the way how was I raised, complicated divorce of my parents etc. Part of my problem is that I feel kind of lonely, need to do something about it
Awesome! Take advantage of whatever is available. Hope your feeling better
I have little advice, but when I do it’s usually shitty.
I was familiar with the “need for approval” before.
Now, I just don’t give one fu@k what others think. I’m a good person, that’s enough for me…
Try to keep your mind opened and be honest with yourself. And don’t forget we’re always here to listen whenever you need to. So if you feel anxious, maybe try text here
Good point actually mate (sorry don’t intend to call you by your nick Deadman 
). I’m good person too, very kind, thoughtful
Thank you Jana, will do