I pray so to but thanks love
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I related to this post sooo much. From the age of 16 I was in addiction treatment centres trying to get clean from hard drugs. I have been in a constant state of trying to get clean time under my belt for 22 years and I have had a variety of clean time but relapsing has been chronic for me. I relapsed sooo often that I decorated an entire 6" Christmas tree with white tags from 12 step mtgs. I laughed about it and in a sick sort of way just brushed it off thinking like it wasn’t a big deal and that I always had another chance. Addiction is very much progressive. A lot of people don’t make it and I am one of the lucky ones to have had that many chances at life when I shouldve been dead and was lucky enough to have a friends at diff times to help me when I was ODing. I knew I was an addict but bcuz I relapsed so often I sort of always thot I was “invincible”. I really needed to have an honest conversation with myself about my recovery and to remind myself how serious this shit is. We have 1 life. That’s it. No turning back once we’ve crossed that line. This isnt a game. And I needed to get that thru my head. I needed to see addiction for what it was, what it has done and fight with literally everything I had bcuz addiction kills in one way or another. Relapse in my opinion, can be a learning thing IF we are grateful to get thru it alive. And if we can get thru a relapse we can learn from it and make changes in our recovery to get that clean time under our belts. I know its hard to break that cycle but I also know u can do it 
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Relaps is (part of) the addiction….realizing this made my recovery way easier but not peanuts.
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My goodness, ur a character 
. More lives than a cat.
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It was long ago lol I wasn’t well mentally or emotionally. I don’t even know why I did it honestly. When I look back at that memory tho, I wish I would’ve taken recovery as a life or death situation. My mind would always go thru something traumatic and then it would effect me for like 5 days and then I’d be back using as if I had completely forgot that I almost lost my life. It’s not a joke and by me decorating that Xmas tree with white key tags, idk… I guess it was me trying to find some humor in a crappy situation that I once called life. I stopped collecting them bcuz it felt pointless. I would relapse so often that it didn’t feel like I was relapsing anymore. But I was trying to quit tho. I remember an old sponsor telling me to stop “trying”. She told me trying is an excuse to fail. And it pissed me off that she said that. But I can see now what she meant. Either u do recovery or u don’t. And I am doing it now. There’s no trying in recover for me anymore. Trying leaves the door open to use or to find an excuse to use. Idk. How I acted in recovery back then wasn’t always the greatest 
and the Xmas tree was a bad example.
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Well, u have certainly changed
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