…it’s been 12 days and I’m planning on buying coke and cant convince myself not to
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I had the worst holiday, I relapsed. But I made it through yesterday. There was do much left over alcohol and it was hard not to give myself a reason to finish it off, but it went down the drain. I truly don’t wanna be “HER” anymore! I’ve never really been to a real meeting but I feel like I need to. I’ll get through the day. And hopefully gain the strength to see tell y’all that I made it!
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Dundies…
12 days is a good start don’t stop!!!
But that little part of you thats saying its acceptable is the addiction, this is where you have to think is it worth it?
Play that tape forawrd… You will be buying the product, money you could be saving for something better.
Then your going to use that posion for that buzz… You don’t need it.
You know deep inside what that product has done and will contuine doing.
This is one of those moments where you have a choice to stay off it… What happy memories do you really have from being on that product. What next when you’ve took it, we can do another bit we got to 12 days were good!!!
Why do you want it?
I’m a recovering drug addict i’ve just hit 10 months
I know that dance your having with yourself.
Keep going…
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Dont do it fight the craving… I know first hand its hard ive only been sober for going on 5 months …but i promise its nit worth it u will feel better in the end knowing u did t give into a craving …u got this #GetItGetIt
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This is where the fight begins. You have to want it bad.
Sometimes another taste may help but rarely will it ever. If it did way less of us would be here with an addiction problem.
If you convince yourself bad enough then you need to get out of hour own head and find what has worked for you in the past.
Anytime I had better success with recovery was when I thought about it less instead of analyzing what I was doing and counting and bringing so much attention to it, AA doesn’t work for me because of this among other reasons but it does to so many others.
So don’t go into the day “knowing” you are going to. Each day you trick yourself it just makes it more difficult to climb out of the hole and you are then older and weaker each time. You can do it. To some life is so easy and that’s great for them but some of us feel it’s the end of the world when we can’t find a missing sock.
Just because it’s not a big deal to somebody else doesn’t discount the fact that it is a big deal for you.
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Your better than that. You deserve better. Coke isn’t going to change anything… go to a meeting . Call someone who wants to help you stay clean. Doing this will only make matters worse and put you in a further depression… it ain’t worth it… but you are worth it. Your life matters. You can do this . You need to build a foundation. A healthy support system of people who want to see you succeed. Please get help and don’t use.
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I know it’s impossible to scare an addict so I’m not going to try. Please don’t use alone and have someone there who is trained to use narcan. Seeing a lot of fentanyl mixed in with cocaine these days. No need to die because you got sold some bad shit.
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Sounds like you’re not done yet. Just hoping you’re done before it’s too late.
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They are obsessive thoughts and you have to recognise them as just obsessive thoughts…look at the thoughts as the addiction that wants to lead you back to the slow suicide train 
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Thanks each and everyone who replied! You guys helped me and I didn’t end up making that call
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Goood!
You were in my thoughts, the gremlins are going to do some dancing to tempt you x
From one addict to another i’m happy for you, you made it another day x
Good stuff,well done,hey I’m 60 days today,but I got those little thoughts creeping in… celebrate?..pick up?..I’m going to have to be strong like you and just not pick up another day 
…note to self,.; do not pick up,they are obsessive thoughts,don’t give them the time or brain space:grimacing:
Great to hear!! Stay close and don’t make that call.
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Sergio, i know exactly where your head is at. I only have 131 days but it’s 131 more than the self hating feelings I had the previous 9 months. 5.5 years alcohol free and I relapsed on coke!
You gotta keep telling yourself “No matter what” over and over. Maybe followed by “i gotta get 13 day” then “14 days” and so on. That’s how i got through that 1st though month. Hope this helps. No Matter What
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Give your money to someone else, you won’t buy coke without the money
Play that tape all the way through. One of the many unpleasant things I recall about relapsing is how anti-climactic using was once it was in my body. The ritual of copping was a big part for me…I missed that for some reason. I guess that was an addiction inside an addiction. What are you going to do after you get high and your out?
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