Hi,
Im curious, do those who are 1 year sober or more have relationships with only sober people or how do you have a relationship with someone who isnt sober?
My wife seldom drinks at all so it has not caused many issues there. I think it makes a few of my in laws uncomfortable but that is their problem.
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Im single and i have thought about this question too so il be interested in reading your thread, thanks for putting this out there 
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I couldnāt bear the drinking and loveless behaviour of my husband anymore. We seperated 11 months ago and got divorced end of last year.
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This is something Iāve been trying to navigate. Previously when I was sober, I was around 1 year sober when I met someone who I ended up being with for 7 years. He respected that I didnāt drink and rarely drank himself (maybe afew drinks once a month). I didnāt find it an issue or trigger for me as he rarely ever got drunk or kept it in the house.
This time round, I am almost 4 years sober and 5 years single (insert shock horror emoji lol - itās a massive record for me 
).
Itās mainly choice to be single but I am also finding it tricky to meet someone whoās lifestyle/drinking choices wonāt impact my recovery/happy place that Iāve built for myself.
Would I prefer being in a relationship with someone who doesnāt drink? Yes. Are they needles in a haystack to find? Yes.
I donāt believe that occasional drinking would bother me but I really donāt like smell on their breath or how it sometimes chnages their personality - Iāve discovered it now makes me really uncomfortable being around someone if they are drunk.
A big firm nope for me personalty, would be someone who is a regular drinker ie every night after work and more on weekends.
Ultimately itās a personal choice but I believe there would need to be mutual respect about the others choices and lots of open communication. If your potential partner drinks, i would clearly state what safeguards would need to be put in place that support and protect your sobriety. As that is priority. And they should fully respect and accept that.
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My husband drinks and Iām almost at one year (5/23). He is super supportive of me in social situations and at home.
At home: we donāt have booze in the house that I would drink (vodka, wine, hard seltzers) and when he drinks at home itās after I go to bed. Rarely though and only like 1x Saturday a month if that.
Socially: sometimes he brings NA beers as his option, sometimes he drinks but never gets sloshed. If he has a boys night he stays at a friends house.
It works for me, and I realize wouldnāt work for everyone. I wish you luck! Set clear boundaries and be 100% honest!
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I am only 77 days AF and have had to
Distance myself from my drinking friends. I could not refrain from drinking when I was out with them. They didnāt encourage it but they didnāt stop pounding beers either. I had to make the decision to create space for now so that I could get sober and work on me. I donāt know if I will ever initiate with those relationships again.
It sounds selfish but it works for me and sobriety is more important that friends in my
Life.
I have made some great friendships and relationships in sobriety via AA and here.
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In the early days my partner used to drink and take drugs and when she wasnāt in the house and I was left alone with it all it was a living hell, I used to put spliffs in my mouth and just suck them or open vodka and wine and sniff it. But her choices were not my choices and as my sobriety got stronger so did my resolve, it was her alcohol and drugs NOT mine. Then rather than her addictions corrupting me my sobriety corrupted herā¦ This is now her clean timeā¦
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Iām really hoping this is the case for me and my husband. Weāve been together 20 years and our addiction brought us to the brink. Iām trailing behind right now but trying to focus on why itās important to be present and hoping we both stay on track
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That gave me chills! Thats amazing.
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My husband smoke Marijuana and āoccasionallyā drinks alcohol.
I have been sober for 9 months and 3 days.
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Iām a year and a few months sober and my husband still drinks. We met bartending together and he still bartends (read: is still around and consuming alcohol 5ish nights a week). It isnāt ideal but we are honestly growing stronger through my sobriety.
He would never bring whiskey, red wine or Guinness (my old drinks) into the house and the beers and seltzers he does buy and keep in the fridge do not interest me.
He is proud of me and that makes me proud of myself. If he has a drink too many I put myself to bed earlier than usual and I remind myself that he isnāt sober, I am. Being around drunk people is not a trigger for me in this instance. I donāt want to repeat stories or be too loud or stumble when I walk. I see it for what it is now.
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Umm not sure yet 
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I myself was hoping youād get more feedback on the thread as I was also curious for answers/peopleās experiencesā¦ i guess it depends on what we are individually comfortable with and what our deal breakers areā¦ some of these may only be discovered through trial and error and likewise, some are ok with a drinking partner, others are not. And either way is okā¦
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Yeh maybe its as simple as either being ok with it or not. Im just not sure i will be ok with it and that mind of cuts the dating pool right down, as if its not hard enough haha
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Oh yeah Iāve discovered that too when trying to dip my toes back into dating game. If I put āno drinkingā in a dating app filterā¦ well, letās just say itās a really dismal result 
but I do have to say there are alot more āsocial or occasionalā drinkers than there used to be. As opposed to āregular/oftenā.
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Yeh im meeting a few people who are sober but then they do other stuff lol. I must be getting close 
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My wife rarely drinks and when she does it is only 1 or 2 drinks max. It has been this way for the 14+ years of my sobriety and it works for us but may be an issue for others.
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