When I woke up this morning the quote of the day on this page made me really think about my choices. Everything that happens to you is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose. - Sober Time’s message for March 18, 2022. I messed up, it was my choice to mess up. Has anyone gone through trying to get sober with their significant other? We are having a hard time in my opinion (and we have talked about this, we are quite open) being able to say no to each other.
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When I got sober, my husband promised to do the same. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep it up more than a few days at a time. I had to make my sobriety my top priority. I quickly learned that his actions had no bearing on my decisions and my decisions were mine alone. I had to keep my focus on my own recovery. My husband’s drinking got worse the longer I remained sober. It was really hard but I got through it by leaning on this forum and AA meetings. All I could do was lead by example. It took over a year and half but it worked. He finally saw the benefits of sobriety and joined me. I’m 2.5 years sober and he’s now 7 months.
There are quite a few people on here with significant others that still drink. The 
at the top is a great tool to read up on other’s experiences. Also, here’s a link that has some recent posts you may find helpful.
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Hey Ariana,
I’m so happy for @Lisa07 and I’ll admit a bit envious. But I love reading your success Lisa. And so freaking happy for ya. Even though my wife has been drinking every single day of my 2 years sober I am truly happy where we are. Because of Alanon.org
I’ve learned.
I can’t control it.
I didn’t cause it.
And I can’t cure.
I can only take care of me and my sobriety. And if I’m focusing on her drinking. Then I’m not focusing on my sobriety.
Sure, it would be great if she didn’t drink.
She doesn’t get fall down drunk anymore. That’s that’s nice. But she does drink every day. And I’m sober. And I’m loving it. There’s more to my wife than her just drinking everyday. She does her share in the marriage if not more. And even though I feel lonely sometimes. A lot. I’ve learned to really enjoy my sober alone time. It was hard at first. Real hard. But my sobriety and new found freedom from alcohol is so worth it.
Thanks for letting me share.
I hope to see you on my thread Lisa suggested.
You are not alone.
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Can you have both, sure.
You just have to remember you are in control of you, your choices and your side of the fence,
If your partners drinking affects you you need to learn how to have boundaries safety nets and support from a sober group. And it’s a good time to become a leader, if your partner sees your benefits from sobriety they will probably follow suit. Like Lisa’s husband
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Yes you can have both. But you and your sobriety must come first or else the relationship can never be true. If your partner chooses to drink you just have to make sure you don’t let that be your excuse to drink. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to keep you sober….it’s all on you. Having a supportive partner is, of course, ideal. But you need to take care of you.
Does that make sense??
My husband still drinks but he has learned to not ask me if I want one….and overtime the amount he drinks has dropped dramatically.
YOU CAN DO IT.
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My partner drinks and I actively encourage it and buy it for her. She’s not built like us and can take it or leave it so why should I get upset if she wants to have a treat and unwind. I too can have a drink with her anytime I want to but I just choose not to today. Alcohol is not a bad thing and many can drink without consequence unfortunately it’s not so simple for people like us.
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You’re so damn strong Lisa
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Awe! Thanks Emilie. It’s all with the help of everyone on this forum.
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My man still drinks… like said in this thread he can take it or leave it and not built like us, I have even bought him alcohol a few days ago while grocery shopping, it didn’t bother me , I’m only 38 days sober and it was almost like a test for me, but made me stronger, I used to sneak it and pins the bottle… I have the problem not him, but I think he will follow suit eventually, jus communicate that you don’t and can’t have any, I had to tell my man that even if I try to convince him that I can have one , to tell me no! Because I can be very convincing!! And used to make him feel bad … but it’s my sobriety not his… stay strong and reach out if you need to!! You are already taking the right steps!!
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Yes, you can have both. I put together this thread that covers a few discussions about having a partner that drinks…maybe you will find some info in it useful…
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