My last run before I checked myself into rehab I accused my girl of cheating.
She wasn’t, I was in a psychosis, feeling guilty about lying again about my meth use.
We’ve since had contact, I helped cover a shortage on her mortgage from rehab, my stepson called me on his birthday, we are in a relatively stable place considering I was an ass hole.
That said, she’s not communicating with me much at all. I know it’s for the best for me, and this is probably me just reaching out to her spiritually for comfort. And I guess to you guys for support. When I should be focusing on myself and my recovery.
I can’t help but feel abandoned though. She did say at 90 days we can go to lunch, and I’ll be at 60 days tomorrow. I’ll have 40 days left til I complete my program at Walden house in San francisco.
Again, inarguably good things. I have no cravings, my main point of focus right now is working on criminally addictive behaviors and thoughts. So I still have plenty of work to do before I get out of here. And when I donill have a lifelong journey in recovery. I’m prepared for all of that.
I guess what I really want to hear is a woman’s perspective on what she may be going through on her end. I know what I have to do, and I’m not beating myself up over it anymore.
She has 3 kids, I’m involved in her life (or was before I blew my shot), she’s still communicating with my mom, she still lets her youngest call me to talk when he wants to say hello.
I’m not a woman so I can’t give that perspective but in reading the big book for AA the section about the family is really insightful. It talks a lot about expectations everyone in the family will have of each other at different points in recovery. Particularly it examines and speaks to the family having expectations of the change in the alcoholic returning to them a changed person through recovery. The chapter to the wives is also really insightful because it talks about the perspective of the spouse and the alcoholic and their expectations romantically etc. Instead of me trying to explain it, if you have access to those resources I can honestly say it helped me slow down my brain and have a more spiritual and patient approach especially in my marriage. Glad you are reaching out and connecting here, welcome! Also, you’re not crying for no reason, your feelings are real and other people share the same burdens!
Welcome to the community and congrats to your decision to go to rehab! Always come here if you need peer support. That’s what we are here for
Gender doesn’t matter here. No matter if it’s your partner, kids, parents, siblings, Close friends… Codependency is real and you need to look at it.
If you‘re interested in my point of view as someone who overcame a codependent relationship:
Read a lot about what the loved ones of addicts experience and how it affects relationships. Step back. Let them find their own way. Each of you must focus on yourselves right now, not on the relationship. In the free space that this creates, it will become clear whether you can and want to have a future together. Do not try to influence this, but work on yourself. That is the best thing you can do for her.
